#trekkiel

Dylan grabbed Lofty by the hood, pulling him back from the shelving unit.

“Benjamin! How many times do I have to tell you: no climbing on the shelf!” 

Lofty let out an annoyed squawk, slipping his hoodie off and wriggling away from him. “And how many times do I have to tell you: that’s what  Epidendrosaurus’s do”

“Don’t you dare take that tone of voice with me, young man!” Dylan snapped, grabbing the child’s arm to stop him from running away. “I’ve told you time and time again to stay away from the shelf, and your tone right now isn’t helping your case”

“Don’t care!” Lofty pushed at Dylan’s hands. “Let go!”

“Not until you apologise” He gave Lofty a few moments, but it soon became apparent that he wasn’t getting a reply. “Right, go to your room”

“FINE!” Lofty shouted, pulling his arm free and storming off, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

-

Dylan flopped down on the sofa, whining internally. Lofty had been a right pain in the neck recently, refusing to do as he was told and deliberately breaking ground rules just for the reaction, and Dylan was getting pretty fed up with it. Lofty had always been so well-behaved, and this little rebellion had only come on over the last week. It was exhausting. As if work hadn’t been stressful enough, he was now stressed at home too. All he wanted to do was spend his weekend in peace, maybe watch a couple of films and go for a walk. Instead, he’d spent the day telling off a toddler and trying (quite unsuccessfully) to keep him out of mischief.

- 

“I thought I told you to go to your room” 

“I did” Lofty said. “But now I’m back”

“Well you shouldn’t be. Go to your room and stay there until I say otherwise” 

Lofty shook his head. “Wanted to say sorry...”

Dylan looked at him. “Alright, you can stay”

Lofty clambered up onto the sofa. “Why do you keep getting angry?”

“Because you’re naughty”

-

Ah yes, the humble saucepan and wooden spoon. Truly the bread and butter of music. What a talented young boy he was. Oh, and what was this in the next cupboard? Cillit bang, kitchen wipes... Ohh, lemon flavoured bleach! Like sherbet lemons? Ohh, he hadn’t had those in ages. Surely this would taste the same, just in liquid form. He wiggled the lid, and it came undone just as easily as his kiddie mouthwash. The nozzle looked a little funny. Ah well, it couldn’t be that difficult to drink from. 

“BENJAMIN!!” 

Dylan grabbed him round the chest, lifting him up and yanking the bottle of bleach from his hands. 

“You don’t ever drink that, do you understand?! Don’t you ever go in that cupboard again, do you hear me?” 

Lofty shrieked and cried, scared after being shouted at. 

“No-no, Ben, please, don’t cry” Dylan set him down on the breakfast bar, holding him by the shoulders. “Shh, please Ben, I’m just trying to keep you safe. What were you thinking?”

“W-wanted the lemon..!” Lofty cried, trying to wriggle away. 

“Ben, listen you me: you can’t ever drink anything from that cupboard. If you do, you’ll get very, very sick, do you understand that? It could kill...” Dylan had to let go of him for a moment to wipe his eyes. 

Lofty tried to jump down from the breakfast bar, and had to be grabbed quickly. Dylan looked at the whimpering toddler for a moment, but his vision blurred and he merely set him down on the floor, hoping he’d run off. Not even checking to see, he sat down at the breakfast bar, letting out his stress and frustration as he started to cry.

-

Lofty had made a break for it, but he stopped at the sofa once he heard Dylan crying. He hid behind it, whimpering quietly. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen his daddy this upset before. He quietly slipped out of the living room and into his bedroom. He looked around, and grabbed his favourite soft toy diplodocus. 

Lofty went back into the living room, slowly making his way over to the breakfast bar at the start of the kitchen area. He was hesitant, nervous... Dylan didn’t seem to be crying so much now, but he was still hiding his face in his hands. Lofty cuddled the diplodocus tight, standing at Dylan’s feet and tugging at his trouser leg. Dylan looked down at him, and Lofty held the dinosaur up to him. Dylan could help but smile, taking the toy. 

“Thank you..”

Lofty smiled, holding his arms up to Dylan, who smiled and picked him up, hugging him and the dino tight. 

“I’m sorry for shouting at you so much today. You know I love you, even though I get cross with you sometimes” 

Lofty nodded, snuggling into Dylan’s chest. 

“I love you too, Daddy” 

“Right, if you could sit still for five minutes and eat this, that’d really help me out” Dylan sat Lofty down on the blanket on the floor and gave him the little plastic bowl of porridge. 

Lofty nodded, setting his favourite soft toy diplodocus aside and taking the bowl and spoon. Dylan ruffled his hair and went over to the desk on the other side of the room, opening his laptop.

Lofty behaved himself for about thirty seconds. His many little plastic dinosaurs kept looking at him, and they were hungry. He set the bowl down, moving all of the carnivores aside. They didn’t like porridge. The herbivores however... well, they seemed much more interested. Lofty glanced over his shoulder at Dylan. He knew he wasn’t supposed to share food with his dinosaurs, but they looked so hungry, and Dylan hadn’t kept his promise of buying them more plastic flowers and trees. What choice did he have really?

-

Dylan closed his laptop and sighed. Emails were bothersome, and he didn’t exactly want to spend his Saturday on work stuff anyway. He stood up, glancing at Lofty - and then going on to do a double take and feel his plans for the next hour falling into ruin. 

“Benjamin! How many times have I told you not to feed your toys?!”

“Well they were hungry!” Lofty said defiantly. His dinosaurs hadn’t exactly had a dignified feeding session, and everyone aside from the fluffy diplodocus had ended up pretty well covered in instant porridge. “You said you’d get them trees!”

“Yes, I know I did. I haven’t had time, but that’s no excuse. Look at the mess you’ve made!” Dylan closed his eyes for a moment, silently counting to ten before looking back at the situation. The dinosaurs were plastic so they’d wash easily. There was porridge on the blanket, but nowhere else, and Ben would just have to have a bath. It wasn’t anything difficult to sort out. “Alright, bring your dirty dinos to the bathroom. All of you need a bath”

-

“No-no-no, don’t -” Whoops, too late. He’d now poured approximately 90% of the half full bottle of bubble bath into the bath, so that was something else to add to the shopping list. “Brilliant” 

Lofty put the bottle down on the floor. “I think I used too much”

“Indeed...” Dylan sighed. “Come on, let’s get you undressed and into your mass of bubbles then”

-

“No!! We have to wash the dinos first! Cos they’re only little”

“So are you” Dylan said, but he did as Lofty asked and washed all the dinosaurs first, mainly to stop him from having a tantrum. 

“And now you have to wrap them up or they’ll get cold” Lofty said firmly. 

Again, Dylan did as he was told, raising his eyebrows at the toddlers demanding tone. 

“There, your dinos are all clean and wrapped up in their towel. So, let’s get you washed” 

Lofty pouted, trying to climb out of the bath. “Why?” 

Dylan carefully pushed him back into the water. “Because you’re covered in porridge” 

“Don’t care”

“Well I do” he grabbed one of the toy boats from the basket by the sink and handed it to him. “Now behave yourself” 

Lofty immediately stuck the stern of the boat into his little mouth, suddenly more interesting in chewing the plastic than fighting his corner. Dylan was relieved that he was now distracted, and proceeded to start washing the boy. Lofty put up with it at first, but the temptation was too great... He slammed the boat down onto the water hard, sending quite the splash of water of bubbles over the front of Dylan’s shirt. 

“Lovely. Thanks for that” he shook his head at the boy. “Since when did boats swan-dive?”

“There’s a soonoomoo” Lofty said, bringing the boat down again and grabbing a rubber duck from the side of the bath to join in the proceedings. 

Dylan grabbed a towel, wiping the soap and water from his face after another toddler-induced tidal wave. 

“Ben, do you mean a tsunami?” 

“That’s what I said” he raised the duck and boat again, intent of emptying the bath further. 

Dylan quickly grabbed the toys from him, stopping him from causing a further mess. 

“That’s quite enough natural disasters for one day, I think. You’ve completely soaked me, and half the bathroom floor” 

Lofty grinned at him. “You’re clean now too. And bubbly” 

“You’re probably right, but as for you.. Well, we still need to finish washing you and do your hair. You’re still a mucky pup”

-

Lofty behaved for the rest of his bath, much to Dylan’s delight. Before long, he was dried and curled up in his blanket on the sofa with all of the freshly bathed dinosaurs. Dylan moved a stegosaurus or two aside and sat next to him, holding a cup of warm milk out to him. He helped Lofty take hold of it properly before sitting back. He kept half an eye on his son, picking up a plastic ankylosaurus and running his fingers across the bumps on its back.

“For future reference, my boy; I don’t think dinosaurs and porridge are a very good mix” 

Lofty looked up from his milk. “They didn’t mind it. Montanoceratops liked it, almost as much as trees. They all like trees best, cos they’re herb-vers” 

“Herbivores..” Dylan said, surprised again at his ability to pronounce dinosaur names, yet struggle with simpler words. “Well, it’s only one o clock. I’m sure we can pop into town and get your dinos some more trees to snack on”

“Good, cos they’re hungry again” Lofty smiled. “Can we get another friend for my fluffy diplodocus?”

“You’re pushing it, my boy” Dylan said, but he smiled at the tot. “We’ll see. Finish your milk, and then we’ll go. But don’t take too long, or your dinosaurs will start nibbling you toes”

“Do you work here?” 

Dylan was confused at first, since he was wearing his badge and stethoscope, but as soon as he laid eyes on the woman, he knew she wasn’t exactly at her best. She had pale grey skin and sunken eyes, she was sweating and shaking. Even without her short sleeves giving it away, it was obvious she was on heroin. 

“...Yes”

“Can I - can I talk to you?”

Dylan looked at her in silence for a moment, but nodded. “Come with me”

-

Dylan sat down on one of the sofas in a little side room with the girl. It was quite dark in there, and she seemed relieved to be out of the bright lights in the hospital hallways. 

“Why do you want to talk?”

“I haven’t got long left” she said. “I need to talk to someone... about my baby and a few other things”

“Wait, what do you mean; you haven’t got long left?”

The girl swallowed. “I’m dying... I’ll be dead in two months”

“Oh.. uh, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be: I did it to myself. I’m only 21. I don’t have any family and I think this hospital might be the only place that can answer my questions...”

Dylan nodded. “Anything you tell me, well, it’s in confidence. You can tell me anything, in your own time”

-

“And when I was... what, 18, I think? I forget these things. Everything’s so mixed up... Well, I got pregnant. I don’t know who the father is, and I don’t think I’ll ever know. None of us in that place were very.. well, we didn’t stick with one person. It was mainly to pass the time between fixes. They were all nice enough, but I don’t know any names and I can barely remember faces. It was mainly the other girls that helped me. We didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t really care. I wasn’t interested in being a mum. I was only thinking about the drugs, every day. I still do”

“You got yourself into a bad place. It wasn’t your fault, we both know that, but this world hasn’t treated you well”

“I don’t care. I know I never wanted to be a mother, but I want to know what happened to the baby” She looked away for a few moments, gathering the words once again. “I can’t even remember what it was, not properly, but I’m quite certain it was a boy. I came to holby to meet a new dealer. The baby was already a week late, and I thought it’d be ok, but I went into labour on my own and didn’t know what to do... I found this house, on... silver street? I think it was. Well, it was one of those single-story houses. I can’t remember what they’re called... Well, there were steps up to the loft when I got in there, so I just did everything by myself”

Dylan stopped. She gave birth in the loft of a bungalow in silver street? And she was an addict. This sounded horribly familiar.

“I can’t remember most of it. I was still using that day and it was all a bit mixed up. But I remember once the baby was born, and I kept looking at it crying and I knew I couldn’t do anything for it, for him. I left him there just as he was. And I left a note, just saying what I was. I never wanted a baby, and I couldn’t keep it. I don’t even know if anyone heard him” 

Dylan swallowed. It all fit. He knew who this woman was. 

“They heard” he said. “He was brought into the hospital. He was found in the loft of that bungalow on silver street. I know it was you, I know and I remember. I was his doctor. And because of your addiction, he was born very ill. You mentioned earlier about your withdrawal when you tried to quit. Well, that’s what happened to the baby, the withdrawal. So he was in intensive care for a while”

“But... What happened to him?” she asked. “I keep saying I never wanted him, but if he’s got a good life, I can die in peace”

“He was adopted when he was three days old. He’s got a secure home, he’s surrounded by people who love him, and he’s happy. He’s recovered from what happened to him at birth. He’s got a good life, and everyone who knows him is glad he’s with them”

The girl sat back, letting out a sigh of relief. “I can’t begin to explain how good it feels to know he’s got it good, despite what I am. I haven’t done much with my life, but I’ve given someone a child. He’ll be ok”

-

The door opened, and Zoe stood there with little Lofty in her arms. 

“Sorry. Dylan, there was a problem with the creche. Shall I find somewhere for him?” 

Dylan shook his head. “No, give him here. He’ll be better off with me”

Zoe handed the little boy over, and then left, leaving Dylan with his adoptive son and the terminal young woman. Dylan held Lofty close. The boy looked at the woman, curious. 

“What’s happened to her?” he asked.

Dylan hesitated. “She took something bad”

Lofty wriggled free of Dylan, and, though he tried to stop him, he crawled onto the ladies lap. 

“Are you going to get better?”

The woman held him carefully, making sure he wouldn’t fall. She smiled at him, trying to think of the right word so she wouldn’t upset him. 

“Well, I’m going to go up to heaven soon” she said, carefully. “I’ll be better once I’m there”

Lofty frowned a bit. “Are you scared?” 

“No, not as much as I was. Your daddy-” she glanced at Dylan. “Has been talking to me, and I feel ready now” 

Lofty smiled. “Daddy’s good at making things better”

The woman looked at Dylan. “He’s a little gent. You and your wife must be proud of him. How old is he?”

“I’m single, and anyway, he’s adopted” Dylan reached over and lifted the boy onto his lap. “He’s two and a half” 

“He’s lovely. Such a cute little thing” she went to touch him again, but Dylan shifted back a little.

“Sorry. I’m quite protective of him” 

“It’s ok, I understand” 

“Look, I’m sorry about the condition you’re in, and I’m sorry that the world treated you this way” Dylan said. “But you’re not a bad person: you just got with the wrong crowd and ended up doing some dangerous things. But I hope you can find peace in knowing that you brought a child into this world who will lead a long, happy life, and has made a lot of people happy”

Dylan checked his watch and stood up. “The boy you brought into the world is happy and healthy. I know this for a fact. His name is Ben. He was taken in by a trained professional who was fully fit to adopt. His new father loves him very much an would do anything for him. You ended up making someone very happy when you left that baby in the attic”

“You know him, don’t you?”

Dylan held Lofty differently, putting some distance between them, and leant in to whisper in the poor woman’s ear.

“Ben is mine”

And with that he stood straight, adjusted his hold again, and left without another word.

Dylan couldn’t help but feel nervous as he stood by the pool, little Lofty in his arms, but also grateful that it was a weekday and so not busy. It was mainly college students at the deep end who had the day off, and a few people with there with their young kids, just like Dylan. 

“Ok little one, no use standing at the side all day” He set Lofty down on his feet on the shallow slope that lead into the shallow end of the pool. 

The little boy clung to Dylan’s hand nervously. He squealed as the water lapped up around his feet, trying to back away. Dylan laughed at him. 

“Don’t run away; it won’t hurt you. Come on” Dylan went in ahead of him, holding out a hand and guiding him into the water properly. 

Lofty wasn’t very happy about it, and clung to Dylan, giving him his “I don’t like this” look. Dylan smiled at him reassuringly. 

“You have to get in properly and splash about a bit. You’ll like it if you give it a try” 

The boy still didn’t seem happy, so Dylan thought it best to push him in - metaphorically, of course. There was a little kiddie slide in the shape of a whale at one edge of the shallow end. 

“You like slides, don’t you?”

That fact alone made it easier. Dylan thought him a little small to do it on his own, so he helped Lofty go down the slide a few times, and the toddler squealed in delight and giggled, clapping his little hands each time. After that, it didn’t take long for Dylan to coax him into the water properly. He had his little arm bands on, and was quite happy bobbing around and splashing Dylan - until he suddenly became distracted and let out and excited shriek, pointing and tugging at Dylan. He couldn’t very well make it over on his own. 

Dylan picked Lofty up and took him over to what he was pointing at: a large coloured statue of a seal, head pointed straight up with a stream of water spurting from it’s mouth. Dylan lifted Lofty a little higher, putting his hand over the spout. Lofty squealed and laughed in delight, and Dylan laughed too, letting him carry on a while longer before setting him back down into the water. The boy continued to laugh happily. Dylan smiled at him, happy to see him starting to enjoy himself.

-

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there!” Dylan righted himself quickly, taking hold of little Lofty and keeping him close.

“Oh don’t worry about it!” The woman smiled at him. “It happens all the time. There’s never many people here during the week and we all tend to lose track of our surroundings” 

Dylan nodded. “I was a little caught up keeping this one comfortable” 

“Oh yes, same with me!” she gestured to her little girl, who waved and said hello to them. 

“Hello there” Dylan smiled a little at the girl, and turned to Lofty. “Would you like to say hello, Ben?” 

Lofty shook his head, hiding behind Dylan. 

“Oh, bless him! How old is he?” 

“He’s turning two today” Dylan said. “He can get a little shy with strangers”

“Oh, my little girl’s the same. She’s two and a half, so almost the same age as your little chap” 

With a little gentle encouragement, they soon got the toddlers to start playing together. The adults moved to the edge a little, still keeping an eye on them. 

“He’s quiet, your boy. Daisy is a proper chatterbox”

“Ah, yes, well, uh, he’s not started speaking yet” Dylan rubbed the back of his neck, swallowing nervously.

“Don’t look so worried! My oldest didn’t start speaking until he was three! Some of them just start a little later than others” the woman said. “If you take them to the doctors, they just ask if they’re communicating in any other way”

“I took him to the doctors last week. He’s got his own ways of communicating with me. He gets frustrated when he tries to speak or I don’t understand, and everything else has developed properly, so...” Dylan shrugged a little. “I worry”

“He’s your only child, isn’t he?” she smiled when Dylan nodded. “I’ve got four, and you never stop worrying! At least your little lad is communicating - and by the sounds of it, he’s definitely got a voice on him! He’s just not quite ready to talk yet”

Dylan nodded, reassured by her words. “Hopefully he’ll start soon anyway. But at least this isn’t unique, just a little unusual”

“My husband used to say; the sooner they talk, the sooner they talk back! Even so, their personalities do appear stronger once they start”

“You and your husband must have your hands full with four of them”

She shook her head sadly. “He passed away about three years ago, when I was still pregnant with Daisy”

“Oh... I’m sorry”

“Don’t be. He was ill anyway; it was only a matter of time. Part of him is still here. His kids are like him, especially his sons” she stopped a moment, but soon turned and smiled again. “Not to make assumptions on next-to-no information, but what about you and your other half? Do you struggle with your little one?”

“Oh, uh, I’m not married. Or even in a relationship, for that matter. Ben’s adopted, so..” 

“Oh my, that must have been a tough process. I’ve a few friends who have adopted”

Dylan nodded slightly. “Ah, well, not as difficult as the first couple of weeks of having him. I’d already been approved as fit to adopt. I’m a doctor, you see, and one night, well, they brought in a newborn they’d found abandoned. There was a note, you see, from his mother, who was a heroin addict, so..”

“So he was born addicted?? Does that really happen?” the woman looked rather shocked. “I’ve seen it in dramas on the telly but I didn’t think it really happened. Poor mite”

“It’s quite common in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I mean, uh, my Ben recovered well from it, but it was incredibly difficult, especially at first”

“Oh well it must feel good now though, knowing you’re giving him a much better life than his mother could’ve given him”

Honestly Dylan hadn’t thought much about Lofty’s biological mother. No one had really bothered to look for her, since they had no leads to follow. For all they knew, she was dead by now. 

“Well, I bonded with him and named him the day he was brought in and couldn’t let him go. I’ve known him since he was a couple of hours old and I’m glad I have him. I’m doing the best I can anyway”

The woman nodded. “Well in any situation there is, at the end of the day, as parents, that’s all we can do” she looked over at the kids, who were happily laughing and splashing in the water together. “We’ve both got it hard, but they’re happy. My mother used to say that as long as we smiled at least twice a day, her best was good enough”

“That’s a good phrase to go by. I’ll have to remember that”

She smiled. “Ohh, I’ve just realised I forgot to bring the beach ball out of the locker. Keep an eye on Daisy for me, would you?”

-

“I’d forgotten how difficult these things are to blow up - I had to get some bloke in the changing rooms to give me a hand!” She grinned at Dylan. “Daisy! Here”

She threw the inflatable beach ball to her little girl, who very nearly caught it. She grabbed hold of it and threw it to Lofty - and the ball hit him square in the face and bounced off. Dylan couldn’t help but laugh at the shocked look on the boys face. 

“Maybe we should join them. Got the most of the four quid we spent to get in here!” the woman laughed, wading further into the water to join the kids. Dylan hesitated, but followed - it was Lofty’s birthday, after all, and he always loved it when Dylan played with him. 

-

They spent quite a while having a game of catch, just the four of them. After a long while of struggling to get the ball, Lofty finally grabbed it and held it close to his chest, refusing to let go until Dylan knocked it out of his hands and Daisy distracted him by blowing bubbles in the water. 

They soon moved to another part of the pool that was shaded. Dylan and Daisy’s mum collapsed in a red paddling-pool-sized raised area. There were taps overhead sprinkling cold water into the red area.

“I have never been so grateful for cold water in my life” Dylan said, laying back and closing his eyes for a moment. “We’ve only been here about 90 minutes and I’m exhausted"

“I’ll never understand why kids have so much energy” the woman lay down too, watching the sprinklers. “We definitely need it more”

“I agree with you there”

After a while, Dylan sat up again, hearing Lofty’s usual “I need your attention” squawks. 

“Hello you” he lifted Lofty onto his lap, who started on his little noises that sounded vaguely like words. Usually, Dylan could near enough work it out, but the tot was out of breath and the usual swimming pool sounds drowned it out and made it more difficult. “Slow down, Ben. I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me”

That upset Lofty, and he very nearly started blubbing. He tried again with his little noises, becoming more annoyed that he couldn’t make words like everyone else could and that he couldn’t be understood. He gave up with that, instead just pointing at Daisy and giving a thumbs-up sign. 

“Ohh, you just want to say that you like Daisy?!”

Lofty grinned and nodded, sliding off Dylan’s lap and back into the water, giving Daisy a hug. They soon became distracted and went off splashing about with the beach ball again. The woman turned to Dylan. 

“I see what you mean now about him getting frustrated”

Dylan nodded. “I can figure out what he means a lot of the time, but not all of the time. He understands words and he knows what things mean, he just seems to be finding it hard to actually speak”

“It’s like I said earlier. My oldest didn’t talk until he was three. And he didn’t communicate with me like your boy does” she rested a hand on Dylan’s thigh. The touch was a little unwelcome, but he allowed it. “He’s well on his way, but with a lot of children, well, they talk when they’re ready. All you can do is keep talking to him and play the waiting game” 

-

Lofty came splashing up to Dylan, holding his arms up to be picked up. He was about to try his little noises again, but the yawn that broke through instead got his message across. Even so, he made the shape of a stereotyped house with his hands.

“Ohh, you’ve tired yourself out, haven’t you? Do you want to go home now?”

Little Lofty nodded, leaning against Dylan’s chest. Dylan held him close and stood up carefully. 

“It was lovely to meet you, so thank you” Dylan said, saying goodbye to the woman and her daughter. 

Lofty waved goodbye and Daisy shouted her goodbye to both of them.

-

“Did you enjoy that?” Dylan asked as he toweled Lofty dry in the changing cubicle. 

Lofty nodded, but was quite occupied trying to wriggle away from Dylan. He’d never been swimming before today, and usually after a bath, he’d be sat in his towel for a while to dry off, not rubbed dry like this. It was quite uncomfortable for him and he cried a bit, but soon calmed down once he was dressed. He played with the car keys until Dylan was ready, and then they left.

It had been boiling in the changing rooms, and the sudden sharp air outside was both a shock and a relief. Once they were in the car, Dylan looked at Lofty. He was in his little car seat, hair still damp, playing with the badge on his jacket with seemingly great interest. 

“Happy birthday, Ben” he ruffled the boys hair gently. “I love you”

Lofty whined and grabbed Dylan’s hand, but he grinned at him. Dylan smiled too, and started the car. 

“You’re growing up so fast. Feel free to slow down” he glanced over at him, looking at his bright eyes and smiling face. “I don’t mind how long you take to talk. If you’re five years old and still haven’t said a word, then so be it. We can learn sign language together. You can speak if and when you’re ready, and not a moment sooner. I won’t force you”

Lofty opened his mouth, trying again to talk, but yet again just let out the usual vague gurgles. Dylan didn’t seem to mind, so he decided he didn’t mind either. He was too tired after his little swimming trip to put too much effort into it, so he merely relaxed back in his car seat and fell asleep.

“Hey hey hey, what have I told you about climbing on that?” Dylan grabbed the little boy and lifted him away from the bookshelf. “You’re going to hurt yourself, doing that. We’ve been through this”

Lofty squirmed, trying to struggle free. “I have to climb though! That’s what Epidendrosaurus’s do” 

“How you can pronounce that but struggle with the word ‘macaroni’ is truly incredible” Dylan set the boy down on the sofa. “I need you to stay out of mischief while I tidy up. Read one of your books” 

The young boy whined, but tried to do as he was told. The only book within arms reach was some little hardback book he’d lost interest in months before. Even so, he flicked through it for about a minute - and then suddenly launched it into the stack of DVDs next to the telly. 

“Ben! What on Earth are you playing at?!”

“I’m bored! I want you to play with me”

“Well you’ve just increased the amount of tidying up I have to do, so that’s not going to happen” Dylan snapped, kneeling down to sort out the DVDs for probably the fourth time that day. “You really are a menace sometimes”

Lofty watched as Dylan stacked the DVDs, slipping down from the sofa once he’d finished. He followed Dylan over to the cupboard by the breakfast bar. 

“I’m bored”

Dylan sighed irritably. He glanced at the feather duster for a moment, considering - but the very real possibility of many smashed ornaments made him see sense. Lofty must have noticed how Dylan nearly handed him the feather duster, because he made a grab for it. 

“Ah ah, no, Lofty, you’re too little: You’ll end up breaking something” 

Lofty pouted. “I’m bored”

“Yes, so you keep saying! Look, just go to your room” 

Well Lofty didn’t like the sound of that. Usually, if he was being sent to his room, it was because he was in trouble, and he hated being in trouble. Besides, he hadn’t done anything, so why should he listen to Dylan? He stood there stubbornly, folding his little arms over his chest. 

“Ben, I told you to go to your room” Dylan stepped round him, looking in the cupboard for the kitchen wipes. “Do as you’re told”

“NO!”

The sound of Lofty shouting was something of a shock to Dylan. Yes, Lofty could get quite loud, but he’d never shouted at him in that defiant manner before. He turned round to face the young boy, hands on hips. 

“Would you like to say that again?”

Lofty pouted. 

“Ben, you have until the count of three to go to your room” Dylan said firmly. 

Lofty shuffled back a few steps, trying to keep a brave face. 

“One”

He whined slightly, starting to feel nervous. 

“Two” 

Ok, now he was really nervous. But Dylan wasn’t really going to get to three, was he? 

“Thr-”

Lofty shrieked and ran to his room, shutting the door behind him and barricading it with a plastic lorry. That was a close one.

-

Lofty had just got into a good little game with his old Jurassic Park play set when he heard a knocking, and then the unmistakable sound of the front door of the boat opening. His ears perked up as he heard a familiar voice. He scrambled up, tripping over a bit of track in the process. He picked himself up again, rushing into the living area, still clutching a couple of little dinosaur toys. 

“ZOE!!”

“Hello little one!” Zoe scooped the young boy up into her arms. “And what have you got there?”

“Stegosaurus and spinosaurus!” he held up the toys. 

“Ben, what have you done to your hand?” Dylan cut in, taking hold of it. “Oh you silly thing, you’ve grazed your knuckles again”

“Fell over...”

Dylan sighed. “Give him here; I should take a proper look”

“It’s just a graze, Dylan” Zoe sat down on the sofa with Lofty on her lap. “It’s nothing serious”

Dylan sat down beside her, but he didn’t look happy about it.

“I worry” 

“I know you do” 

Lofty looked between the two adults, chewing on the spine of his spinosaurus. 

“How are you doing? I know you’ve been struggling recently”

Dylan sighed. “I’m coping. It’s just been quite difficult at times. I imagined it all so differently at the start”

“All big days out with a giggling toddler?” 

“Exactly. And it is like that, sometimes. But... well, everything is so expensive, and there’s only so much you can do locally. Besides, I’ve got work. I can’t take him out all the time”

“I know” Zoe said. “You can’t keep doing this on your own. We’ve all said we’re happy to help, ever since you first got him. You’re allowed to take up on the offer”

“Yes, I know that, but I have my own way of doing things. And he’s happy” Dylan looked at Lofty, who was now too interested in making his toys fight each other to notice anything else. “I know he doesn’t like being stuck here all the time. And he hates the creche at the hospital. He keeps getting into trouble”

“I remember you saying. Didn’t he end up in another fight last week?”

“Yes... He got upset over something someone said to him, and they ended up in a scuffle. I’m not sure who started it. He’s been quite difficult lately. It just seems to come on for no reason, so it’s quite confusing... He just keeps getting into those situations. He’s a little menace. And he keeps snapping and growling at people. I think he’s imitating a dinosaur” 

Lofty looked up, the word ‘dinosaur’ grabbing his attention. “Dinosaurs?”

“Yes, Lofty, dinosaurs” he ruffled his hair gently. “Zoe, literally everything in his life is a dinosaur. Books, toys, clothes... even bath stuff. And he barely eats anything aside from turkey dinosaurs”

Zoe looked at Dylan, at the look on his face. “You’re struggling, aren’t you?”

Dylan glanced at her for a moment. He didn’t say anything, but the look he gave confirmed Zoe’s observation. 

“I know it’s been a few years, but it’s not too late to stop this”

“What?! Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not giving him up, not now” he took hold of Lofty, pulling him onto his lap and hugging him. “I love him. He’s my boy”

“Well then let people help you!”

“I do! You babysit for me”

“Yeah, once a month! You know it’s difficult for most people to raise a child, especially on their own, and especially when you work full time” Zoe sighed silently, looking at him. “Dylan”

Dylan held tighter to Lofty, protectively. “I’m doing fine, Zoe”

“Dylan, you’re hurting him”

Dylan let go of Lofty quickly, letting out a sigh of relief to see that he hadn’t been holding tight enough to leave any red marks. “You put me on edge”

Lofty whined, tugging at Dylan’s sleeve. “I’m hungry” 

Dylan moved him aside and stood up, going over to the kitchen. Lofty trotted after him. 

“Um.. Zoe, I might need you to keep an eye on the sprog for a little while. I forgot to go shopping yesterday” 

“I’m hungry!” 

“Yes, Ben, I know!” Dylan almost snapped at him. “You’re just going to have to wait for a little while”

Well, the change in tone was a risky mistake, and Lofty simply burst into tears.

-

Dylan had quite quickly grabbed his car keys and escaped, leaving Zoe to look after an upset little Lofty. She picked Lofty up and cuddled up, trying to calm him down. She went out of the living room and into Lofty’s bedroom, carefully stepping round the tracks and figures carefully set up round the room. She sat down on the bed, picking up a fluffy T-Rex and offering it to Lofty, who took and and hugged it close against himself. From there, it didn’t take him long to calm down and stop crying. 

“Ok?” 

Lofty nodded, rubbing his nose against the soft fabric on the toys head. 

“Daddy keeps getting upset with me. He says I’m naughty”

“And are you?”

He whined a little, resting his head against her chest. “I don’t know. I keep getting into trouble, but I don’t try to be bad. My dinosaurs are bad though. They knock over daddy’s things” 

“Maybe you should teach your dino’s how to be good” Zoe suggested, standing up again and taking him out to the sofa. 

“They don’t mean to be naughty” 

“Of course they don’t” She picked up a book from beside the sofa, reading the blurb before settling down properly with Lofty. “Let’s read you a little story until daddy gets back”

- 

“I'll do a big shop tomorrow. I was too tired tonight so I just got some basics. And Domino’s. I can’t be doing with cooking” Dylan shut the door behind him, setting the pizza box on the counter and the carrier bags on the side. “Did the spog behave?”

“Yes, he was very good. I didn’t realise you’d followed through on your plan and actually taught him how to read already” Zoe stood up, bringing Lofty over to the counter with her. “He’s very good” 

“Well I thought he could do with the advantage. He likes doing it” Dylan took the boy from her, kissing his cheek. “I got you a little treat for after tea”

Lofty grinned and hugged him. “Can we watch a film too?” 

“No, it’s past your bedtime as it is. You can’t stay up much longer” 

“But-”

“Ah, no buts. You’re going to bed at half past eight, and that’s final. Come on now; let’s get you fed”

- 

“He’s got your tablet again” 

“Ben! You naughty boy, I’ve told you not to touch that” Dylan snatched it away from him, just a little too late to save the cover from being chewed. “He’s always doing that. I’m in half a mind to start getting him teething rings again. You should see the state of some of his toys; you’d think he was a dog” 

Lofty whined, growing bored of listening to Dylan, and grabbed the closest thing to replace the tablet, which just happened to be one of Dylan’s new notebooks. Unfortunately he was caught almost immediately and yanked off the floor and onto the sofa between Dylan and Zoe.

“Benjamin Chiltern, how many times do I have to tell you not to chew on things like that? You can’t go around putting anything you fancy into your mouth”

Lofty ignored him, trying to leave, and squealing when Zoe caught hold of him.

“Let go! It doesn’t matter so let me go!”

“You have to listen to your daddy, Ben. He’s just trying to keep you safe”

“Nooo” Lofty whined, pushing Zoe’s hand away. “I don’t want to listen! I wan-”

Dylan shocked him as he grabbed him round the chest and pulled him onto his lap. “You’re being silly. There’s nothing to get upset about” 

“No! I don’t want to!” he tried in vain to struggle free, and soon resorted to trying to bite Dylan.

“Give it a rest, you little dragon! When I saw you shouldn’t be chewing on things, that includes me”

Lofty started to cry, giving up on struggling. 

“You should get him one of those chewable rulers or something similar”

“I’ve looked into it, but they can be pretty expensive” Dylan stood up, hugging Lofty and rubbing his back. “I could just give him a mouthful of chilli powder if he chews something he shouldn’t”

“He’d hate you for it”

“I wasn’t being serious” 

Dylan set Lofty down on the breakfast bar. He took a biscuit from the biscuit tin and gave it to the young boy, who stopped crying almost immediately. Zoe stood up and went over to them. 

“Dylan, you look exhausted” She said. “Why don’t you go to bed? I can look after him for tonight” 

Dylan considered, but shook his head. “I’m fine. I’ll be putting him to bed soon anyway”

“You said that an hour ago”

Dylan looked at his watch, feeling instantly disappointed in himself when he saw it was nearly half past nine. He looked at Lofty, suddenly unsure of what he was doing. Zoe noted this, and went to pick up Lofty. 

“Come on you; bed time”

-

With young Lofty settled and sleeping in his room, Zoe went back to the living area and sat next to Dylan on the sofa. 

“He’s asleep” 

Dylan nodded slightly, quite zoned out. Zoe squeezed his hand gently.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing brilliantly”