#tredvp

Link to video of the interview: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0NgyvQN9HV3ai1BdmJ6STRHUzA/view

This interview of married couple, Mr. and Mrs. Tecson, Sr., was conducted on July 15, 2017 at Pasig City. It was facilitated by Amiel Dris, Quinttyz Lisay and Josef Ruado. Video taken and edited by Amiel Dris.

MRS. TECSON, SR: I am Lilia Tecson and my husband, Manuel Tecson, Sr. and we are married for 37 or 38 years.

J. RUADO: Please explain the details of how you met each other. MR. TECSON, SR.: Classmates kami nung fourth year high school. Noon hindi kami nagpapansinan kasi tahimik siya tapos magulo ako. Iba yung group niya. After ilang years ba? Two years? MRS. TECSON, SR.: Four. MR. TECSON, SR.: After four years, nagreunion kami. Ayun. Kami yung nag-aasikaso ng reunion. Hindi na siya humiwalay sa akin. MRS. TECSON, SR.: Ay hindi.

J. RUADO: What influenced your decision to get married? MRS. TECSON, SR.: Siyempre, we are being getting together. Eh siyempre, noong araw, talagang kailangan merong kasal. Siyempre ako, gusto ko nun. Pero ano lang, we’re not…meron kaming church, meron kaming civil. Yung church wedding parang yung validation ng civil wedding. Pero kailangan mag-church wedding. MR. TECSON, SR.: Ano yun ‘eh, one time, magkasama kami doon sa house ng classmate ko, inabot kami ng bagyo, baha yung C. Raymundo, walang madaan. Siyempre yung mother niya, medyo old school, ayun, isa sa mga nag-influence sa amin na sige na nga. At tsaka, gusto na rin namin. Q. LISAY: Mga anong age kayo noon? MRS. TECSON, SR.: 21 Q. LISAY: Ay pareho nga pala kayo (ng age). MRS. TECSON, SR.: Bata pa rin. MR. TECSON, SR.: One month lang yung difference naming.

J. RUADO: What are the blessings of married life? MRS. TECSON, SR.: Blessings? Madami. Children. Four children. All graduates. Apos. We have four apos. At tsaka medyo grown up na sila. Senior pa lang naman kami, grown ups na mga apo naming.

J. RUADO: What are the challenges of married life? MRS. TECSON, SR.: Madaming challenges. Pero, ano yun, specific? Q. LISAY, A. DRIS: Examples. MRS. TECSON, SR.: Ikaw na. Example pala. MR. TECSON, SR.: Ako kasi sa media ako nagtatrabaho, mostly, out of town/out of the country ang trabaho ko. Gusto ko isama siya out of town/out of the country. Gusto ko kasama siya. Ayaw niya dahil busy siya sa trabaho niya. So ayun, doon nagkakaroon ng conflict. Q. LISAY: Example pa. MR. TECSON, SR.: Ay minsan pinagbigyan niya ako nung sa HongKong. Ah, sa Zamboanga rin pala. MRS. TECSON, SR.: Pero most of the time, hindi na siyempre. May work ako. MR. TECSON, SR.: Wala maiwan sa mga bata. Q. LISAY: Challenges, problems? May mga away-away? MRS. TECSON, SR.: Eh yung mga away-away, siyempre, natural. It’s natural, diba…na mag-away kayo? Pero after that, eh ako naman, ‘pag kinausap mo na ako, okay na ako. Q. LISAY: May mga silent treatment. MRS. TECSON, SR.: Oo. Pero matagal rin. Matagal rin bago magkabati. Yung sinasabi nila na kailangan pagtulog sa gabi, magkabati na kayo. Hindi yun nangyayari sa amin minsan. Pero after that, wala na. Okay na kami. Q. LISAY: Noong nag-pre-cana kami tapos sabi nila huwag daw matutulog nang magka-away. MRS. TECSON, SR.: Ah, oo. Yun nga yung sinasabi ko. Q. LISAY: Hindi ata realistic yun. MR. TECSON, SR.: Oo, easier said than done.

It was always a thrill to hear stories of marriage coming from couples other than my parents. It gives you a broader sense of what family life is like aside from the comfort of your own family. Hearing Mr. and Mrs. Tecson Sr.’s narrative of their married life has given me more insight and realization of what the institution of marriage calls for. Coming in into their humble abode, I can see how it is built with nurture and love. What really struck me the most out of their story is at how they figured out about their readiness for marriage. When most people would often prolong their relationship and not get married ahead (not that it is not valid), Mr. and Mrs. Tecson, Sr. really pushed for marriage when they were caught in between the demands of their parents and their existing relationship. In their words, they seem to be giving off the vibe that by the time they decided to get married, despite the young age, they were not hesitant to do it. For me, that takes a lot of courage and maturity to finally say that there is no point in holding back from married life.

Couple who have the intention of getting married must attend a pre-Cana seminar as an integration to their respective marriage preparations. On a fateful day, last July 8, 2017 in Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Parish at around nine in the morning, I was given a chance to be immersed in this kind of seminar. That day, there were four couples who are about to get married in the assembly. The seminar was facilitated by an elderly woman in the Church named Sister Remy. She is also one of the many catechists who are in-charge or of-help during baptismal and confirmation rites in the Church.

The seminar started with the discussion of the Ten Commandments. Upon the discussion of this known teaching of the Church, Sr. Remy associates it in regards to married and family life. For example, she provides examples that are relevant and timely for aspiring couples. Aside from examples, she also states issues and challenges that are pertinent and faced by each Commandment. She also connects the teachings of each Commandments, finding the parallelism of each commands.

The next topic examined are the five Precepts of the Church. She enumerated the five: 1) Attend Mass every Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation, 2) Confession of at least once a year, 3) Acceptance of the Holy Communion, 4) Fasting and Abstinence on dates prescribed and, 5) Donation. From there, she proceeded to discussing the Seven Sacraments (sacra meaning banal or holy and mentum meaning tanda or reminder) of the Church. She categorizes the seven into three: a) “Panimulang Pagpasok” or the sacraments that are performed to welcome a Christian in the community which are namely baptism, confirmation, the Holy Mass and the Holy Communion, b) “Healing” or the sacraments performed to renew the soul and strength namely the Sacrament of Penance and the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.

The last category, which is relevant to this course, was the discussion of the third group of the Sacraments. This group, includes The Sacrament of the Holy Order and The Sacrament of Matrimony, are termed as vocation. The Holy Order is the sacrament undergone to enter priesthood and is a marriage to Christ and the Church. The Sacrament of Matrimony deals with a lifetime commitment aimed at building of a brand new family and being procreators of life. From there, the facilitator also touched on the topic of marriage impediments such as a) being related by blood, b) priests and nuns having to seek dispensation from the Holy See before leaving their post and marrying, c) shotgun wedding, d) certificate of no marriage, e) crime against partners, f) different religions must be given permit by both religions, g) mentally unstable, h) impotence and g) legally separated.

The second part of the seminar is about the discussion of the individual or self. In this topic, we are reminded about the uniqueness of each individual. As human beings, we inherit different power, skill and wealth. Despite this, we are neither superior or inferior to another. Everyone has the share of ingenuity and talent that God has bestowed. With this topic, the facilitator was able to dwell on the usual tendencies and traits of the man and the woman which is important for couples. They can use this in gauging their partners and, in turn, can create a harmonious relationship.

Sitting through a two-hour long seminar on marriage may be an experience worth noting. I must admit that I felt a bit of indifference coming to the seminar because what is it for me to attend a marriage seminar at this point of my life (aside from the fact that it is a course requirement). In addition to that, I felt that what was discussed were basic tenets of the Catholic Church that I myself was familiar with. But sitting through that two-hour experience, I was opening myself to different realizations on married life as a responsibility that the Church is bestowing upon aspiring couples.

I came to an understanding of how the Church wanted to instill the spiritual responsibility of couples in their family life. All the basic teachings that were discussed made sense. It is, as if, the Church is reminding couples on what Jesus’ and Christianity teaches so that they may pass it on to the family they will create. It gave me a better foresight on the role of these couples in the Christian community. I realized that these teachings would not only set as a foundation for married life but, also, a factor into raising the family in the midst of Christian doctrines.

For me, the pre-Cana seminar I attended brought me back to my childhood days. I remember my mother’s dedication in instilling the essence of religious activities and teachings. She is, at her very best, trying to inculcate a family life centered in Christ. She would always be that gentle reminder of how, at the very end, Christ will matter. That is why during the pre-Cana seminar, I reflected on the role of my parents in establishing a Christian family. All along my parents, especially my mother, has been doing their share of the responsibility of raising a generation of Christians built in love and commitment to God and their neighbors.

The mystery of God extends into the way he has called us and has affected our lives. We believe that as our existence comes to place, so is our innate mission to find meaning with that very existence. We are people who are in constant search for one’s own purpose. Once we have lived to realized that purpose can we only call ourselves to have ultimately lived. Growing up, we only considered marriage as a rite of passage. It is just a turning point in our lives, just as we do when we celebrate our birthdays or graduation days. It is simpler to treat marriage that way. The final course of theology delves into a break of that perspective. Despite the fact that we associate responsibility in the marital institution, TREDFOR calls us to look into marriage in a heavier light. It is an appreciation of marriage as a vocation and as purpose we can integrate with ourselves. Marriage, as well as other vocations like priesthood/sisterhood and single-blessedness, as a purpose we must realize to fulfill the call of God.

Realizing the Reign of God As part of the community founded and united in the name of Jesus, we are called upon to be disciples of Jesus. From the first Christians who established the community we regard as the Church, we are taught to share the mission of Christ in ascertaining the Reign of God. From Jesus Christ, we learned that love emanates through the Father and that very love from God is what we ought to experience and share towards our neighbors. For Jesus, it is important that He preaches the extreme importance of love in the context of the Kingdom that the Father wishes to establish. Hence, He become the living embodiment of that love through His words and deeds.

Jesus’ message of love represented through the Gospels are greatly echoed in the Parable of the Good Samaritan. From that parable, we are invited to see the Christian life we should model our lives to. How is that exactly the life we must live? It is simply abiding the one, great Commandment which centers heavily on the call to love unconditionally. It is about a love with no doubts. It is a love that continuously overflows. Jesus shows us that the will of God is not only about equating it to laws but in living a life of love, mercy and compassion. In the same way, we are called to look through the vocations of marriage, priesthood and single-blessedness as a part of that call to pour out our unconditional love for others, in an aim to be a part in the fulfillment of God’s Kingdom.

Commitment is the Key From that call of Jesus to obey the will of God through living a life of love, we are, in turn, called to be committed to the life that God provides. From Him comes the mortal life or bios and from him will come the purpose we seek. In the aspect of marriage, we are invited to crash the disillusionment that it is an easy task. In an age wherein some may see marriage, or simply even relationships, as something that has always an easy way out, the Church continuously reminds us about its sanctity. Couples are always called into commitment. In the sense of Christian marital commitment, we are invited to cultivate a relationship founded in a commitment that are in: a) faith, b) total and faithful, c) accepting, d) exclusive and, e) continuing. From these alone, we can see that entering in the institution of marriage is not simply to be taken for granted. We can see the heavy requirement we must check within the comforts of our relationship before we can say that we are ultimately ready for it.

Establishing commitment to a partner, a responsibility and, especially, to the will of God is something that seems to take a long time to accomplish. It is a long process of coming to terms with oneself and one’s partner. It might be grueling but it is necessary. From the preparation we undertake, we are opening ourselves to a much bigger perspective in our mission of partaking in the reign of God.

Is Marriage for Me? Phase one of marriage preparation delves into the conscious effort in knowing and acknowledging where we are an individual and, more importantly, as partners. Phase two deals with educative counseling. Assessment for readiness of marriage allows us to confirm, postpone or, temporarily or permanently end a relationship. This may use certain tests like the marriage expectation inventory. Basically, we are called to assess different areas in our life and relationship.

Is our love authentic? What is authentic love? As M. Scott Peck mentioned, it is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” We have to take note on the word “will” because it highlights a responsibility for partners. From the word “will,” we can see that love is not effortless. There must be a burning desire, dedication and perseverance for both partners to cultivate a loving relationship. It is about building oneself and making oneself as the person worthy for marriage. Once we establish our love for ourselves, then we can profoundly create a love for our partners. Authentic love requires us to be effortful and to put on actual work.

Aside from asserting one’s authenticity for love, we also look into our maturity and values as individuals preparing to be united in marriage. How is this crucial? It is highly important to assess if we are mature enough to undergo a marital life. Oftentimes, people enter marriage without ascertaining their maturity and becomes vulnerable to crisis they haven’t resolve in different stages of their lives. Erik Erikson’s Eriksonian Framework digs into the different stages we encounter in different points of our lives. From there, we figured that it is at the adolescence stage that we start to figure our who we are and what we want in life.

Maturing for us is somehow hard because of the indifference we feel towards it. Sometimes we feel that we couldn’t let go of things we are used to. We always have that struggle in growing up. However, a person intending to marry must realize that maturity is a part of the foundation as we build ourselves and, eventually, the life in marriage we will commit. Maturity, therefore, is an act of risk-taking. When we are mature, we are willing to take risks and abandon our comfort zones. We let go of feelings such as over-dependence, “neurotic competitions”, control and hard to outgrow ideas of life. We are then more open to enjoy the fullest of life and take responsibility of ourselves, and later on for the decisions we take in married life.

Sensuality, Sexuality, Spirituality The topic on sensuality and sexuality brings about the understanding of our responsibility to harness it and use it in its truest purpose. It highlights our need for oneness and the desire to complete ourselves as we have each other. The history of sexuality comes from its harsh days wherein it is entirely taboo and repressed until we reached the present times where there is blatant display of it all over. The challenge, therefore, is to create an integration. It is about finding a balance wherein there is enough room for expression and respect for the act and human dignity. Sexual intimacy is barring it all for one’s partner. From this act, we wholly submit and connect ourselves to our partners. As André Guidon puts it, our desire to connect with God must be like the abandonment of oneself when partners are intimate. It is about bringing ourselves closer to God with our burning desire and passion.