#traumatic amputation

"Not even broken."

“I can assure you, they are.”

“They are, Tomcat. It’ll be alright.”

"No."

“Look at me. You trust me?”

He shook his head. "I don't want it, Wolfie. Please, please don't let them."

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I know it’s not pleasant. Do you remember what you said to me, in that chopper when I was panicking?”

Harrison wanted to block his ears, to run away and just get out. He knew he couldn't, and that it was actually for his benefit, but that didn't stop the fear.

His voice cracked. "No."

“No? It’s the last thing I remember. You said you’d got me, you were gonna stay right with me, and that you wouldn’t let anything bad happen. Just some meds, yeah? The real good stuff. It’s my turn now, I’m gonna be right here with you.”

His face screwed up and he scrubbed at it with his good hand, letting go of Fao's. "I promised you an-and I kept it. Had to get you back to Finn."

“And you did. Now I’m here to annoy the hell out of you. So I promise I’m gonna be here with you and make sure you’re alright, and I’ll keep it.”

"I'm sorry." He managed, chest heaving. "I really tried my best. Was my fault you got your scar."

“Sorry? Tomcat that scar’s the reason I’m still here.” Fao said. “You’re alright.”

"But you got the scar."

“And it kept me alive. A scar is a scar, I’ve got plenty of them. You saved my life and now I’m here to look out for you.”

He searched Fao's face. "Promise?"

“Promise. I’ll be right here, looking out for you. These guys are good, I trust them.”

"Do you think we could crack on? We don't want to be leaving you in pain."

Harrison nodded, trying to put on a brave face as he gripped Fao again. "He stays."

“That’s alright. I don’t think we could get rid of him even if we tried.”

"O-okay."

“You alright for us to adjust the bed a bit? I know you’re nice and sat up but it’ll be easier for us if you’re more laid down.”

He nodded, checking with Fao before giving his approval. 

Fao did his best to reassure Harrison as they adjusted the bed. It made his stomach churn, he'd been here before and it was rubbish. But he'd be there for Hars, he had to be. 

They fussed a little, ortho keen to decide what they wanted to do before the drugs meant they had to work fast. 

“We're going to use the smallest dose we can get, Harrison, hopefully you won't need much - you've had a decent amount of painkillers and we don't want to completely overwhelm you.”

"I don't want it at all."

“I know. We'll be as quick as we can.” They reassured. 

He nodded. "Just get it done. 'm not meaning to be rude."

“You're far from rude, don't worry. Just going to give you some oxygen, alright?”

"Just a little."

“Just a little. Just to make sure you get enough.”

"Always good to do that."

“Well, we want to look after you.” They said, getting it all set up. “Here we are, that alright?”

He adjusted it slightly. "Fine."

“Comfortable enough? I know it's not great.”

"It's fine. Jus' get it done, please?"

“Yeah, okay. We're going to start the meds now, just keep breathing for me. Fao's next to you, focus on him.” They said, slowly giving the first dose. “Might made you feel a bit strange, but just keep breathing.”

As the dizziness started to hit, so did the panic, his breath catching in his throat. They came in short gasps, each one sending his collarbone stabbing into his chest and shooting pain across his body.

He wasn't in England any more, the hum of the chopper under his back. The explosion had come from nowhere, just a normal day-to-day patrol and then he'd been coming to in the sand, bleeding out. 

He couldn't breathe, why couldn't they understand that? And it hurt. God, did it hurt. Why weren't they helping him?

Fao rubbed his good shoulder. “You're okay Harrison, I'm here. You're safe, nobody's going to hurt you. Try and slow your breathing for me?” He tried to reassure. 

Harrison groaned, trying his best to arch away from the pain. With his jaw clenched and head pressed into the bed, Wolfie swam in his vision. It wasn't fair. Why wouldn't they just knock him out?

He begged them, just knock him out. Knock him out and let him go. He didn't want to be alive if it was going to be in this much pain.

“You're alright, I've got you. You're okay, you're safe.”

He gave an unintelligible shout, tears starting to fall. "Get off!" 

“Look at me, eh? You're okay, I'm right here.”

"Jus' knock me out." There was wild desperation in his eyes as he fought against it all. "Let me die."

“Tomcat, look at me. I'm right here, you're safe, nobody's going to hurt you. I've got you.” Fao reassured, standing up to get properly into his field of view. “I'm right here, you're safe.” 

Anaesthesia carefully gave a little more medication - they couldn't do anything whilst he was struggling. 

They apologised at least, when they tightened a tourniquet above the one he'd clumsily put on. It didn't stop the pain, didn't stop him begging again. The pain stopped that though, worse than the actual injury, and his world swam.

Harrison screamed, trying to rip his hand away from them. His chest heaved as the world swam, his hand reaching to grab at his thigh. Despite the drugs he fought so hard against, his fingers left marks against his leg, his nails digging into the skin.

“Hey, hey, come on.” Fao said, taking his hand. “None of that, let's not hurt ourselves.” The scream hurt, like a knife in his chest. It wasn't fair, Harrison couldn't have things easy, could he? At least he was unlikely to remember it, but that didn't help Fao. 

"Off." Harrison wasn't sure if it was a question or a request, but he briefly caught Fao's eye. Wolfie was there. He'd be okay.

Wolfie shouldn't be there. He was back in England. He'd been on his flight, literally had his heart in his hand as he tried to save his life. Harrison had always thought he had, but if he was there with him now, he must have died. An apology formed on his tongue, but it was so hard. Too hard. 

Finn would forgive him, and so would Sheila, he hoped. They'd go to his funeral, surely? 

“You're alright, we're gonna help you. Just try and keep breathing. I've got you, you're safe.”

He tried to fight it, he really did, but it was no use. His mind finally gave in, letting him sink back down and completely detached from the world.

Fao sighed, relieved as Harrison finally gave in. Anaesthesia topped him up again, pushing the limits of where they felt comfortable. But they needed to make sure he was out enough to get the manipulations done.