takethewatch replied to your post :🌙: A headcanon about one of my rarepairs 💖: A...
ooh can u talk more about trans adam parrish? this is really intruiging and i would love to hear how you imagine everything unfolding for him!
Yes! I don’t have the books with me to write a really long analysis, and the 'elements’ that gave me that interpretation are 95% in Adam’s own POV, but there’s this thread throughout the books of him being incredibly worried about how other percieve him - of course, it’s related to his home and upbringing and economic status, but I always felt it could very much relate to his gender as well. How worried he is that everyone can ‘see’ that his clothes don’t fit him the way they do the other boys at Aglionby, how scared he is about other people will think he’s lying to them and doesn’t really belong, etc. He’s hopefuly and ambitious but he knows too well how people can be cruel when you think you can start trusting them, how they can use what they know about you against you, how they will dismiss you if they learn you’re different.
(obviously, he struggles a lot about his own self-worth issues and the transphobia his parents would have drilled into him from the start, the same way he struggles coping with his feelings about his abuse)
Extending on my reading of canon to go into pure headcanon territory, I feel like it’s also something he felt he could have talked about more openly with Blue than with the others? He always feels he’s so different from them - maybe that would be too much, maybe not, but he can’t stop his brain from going with the worst scenario because that’s what his experience has been and he doesn’t have a proof yet that they’ll still accept him.
Except they do. Noah always knew, and he never told but Adam was always worried he would - Noah’s not always himself and that makes Adam nervous - but he doesn’t until Adam’s ready to tell. And Gansey’s exactly how you’d expect him to be about it, clumsy and careful but he so wants to be helpful and he’ll learn anything he can to help; and Ronan is the last to know, because he’s the one who pushed Adam in shopping carts and punched him on the shoulder and called him ‘bro’ and ‘man’ without any hesitation and Adam is so, so scared to lose any of that, it’s the first friendship like that Adam ever had. So it’s such a relief when Ronan is almost dismissive of it and doesn’t change how he treats Adam in any way at all and. yeah.