#transrealness

First night in the hotel. The next two months got lots in store for growth, healing and joy.

How will I use this time and space alone? What ideas will I put into action? Who will I stay in touch with? Where will I move to next?

what was it like?

where did you grow?

what did you learn?

how often did you feel like caving?

Let the dirty 30’s begin! If you wanna bless me send love to the cashapp.

I made it a whole year

Still breathing still living still trying

But I’m still struggling too. Things aren’t great yet. Lost my job. Gave up on another one. Crashed my car and waiting for new wheels. Celebrated 6 years post op. Found out my ex fiancé passed away on the same day I met someone new. Remembered the birthdays of my grandpa and great grandma in heaven with both death anniversaries coming up. Just spending time w the people I care about before time runs out. Trying to follow thru w my case manager and get into this program to get some employment and housing resources.

My 30s aren’t starting where I wanted but they’re starting and I’m fighting tryna give it my all. No excuses. Just progress.

"To engage in activism that envisions alternatives ways of organizing society and alternative ways of being is to risk membership in society, a sense of belonging, however partial it may be. Activism can make us vulnerable because it is so obviously about wanting something beyond what is, and to have a political desire often is construed as wanting too much.”

Two weeks of quarantine. Coughs. No smell. No taste. Tired. Then when I was to return to work I was assaulted and robbed on a door dash. Dude fucked up my face but it’s the mental that has me buggin. Mini seizure, CT scans, MRI’s, great medical team, family. Blessed but burdened still. Finally returned to work after 30 days out. My kids missed me. Coworkers noticed my absence. Acquaintances held me down. I have a community. It doesn’t feel or look like what I want. But maybe it’s just what I need though.

10 days on meds. No side effects so far. But my mental is wrestling with taking this daily as a reminder that I’m Poz..I’m trying to reframe what it means to be able to have a one dose daily regimen and know that bc I’m taking meds consistently that I can (and will) live a life full of joy, peace and love. Thanks for being my journal. Be compassionate. Be caring. Be authentic. Be bold. Live out loud!

Weird being back at work after almost a month. But giving all praise and thanks to the heavens for watching over me and keeping the door open. Sure did miss my kiddos! The smiles and hugs when they saw me were priceless. Reminder: even when you feel you’re not making a difference, somebody is always watching..