#trans-positive

Chicken Girl: It pleases me to arrange this for you, especially when the issue of children is so close to your heart.

Yunho: Thank you, I will always owe you so many times over.

You put your phone away and turned to your husband Mingi for a warm embrace and ended up crying in his arms again. Being friendly for Yunho’s sake had been draining. It felt far too soon to get back to a professional relationship. Pretty soon he would be away serving the country but your therapist was right that you needed to have someone else handle work issues with him in the meantime. It was clear proof exactly why business and personal lives should not be mixed. You wondered if you would ever be able to work with Yunho without stirring up feelings for your lost love.

~ Two Years Later

Yunho knocked at the doorway of KQ Entertainment’s Vice President’s office. You looked up and your heart skipped a beat as it always did. Your romantic relationship had been over for several years now but the impulse to reach for his touch would probably never subside. Going back to mere friends had left some distance between you. It was easy to be cordial but both of you still worked at remembering to hold back and you missed his hugs like nothing else in the world. This was probably the first time you would be alone in the same room together since the breakup but your secretary in the hall made it easier to stay professional. “Yes? Do come in, Yunho,” you invited while waving him into the room.

“The kids will have moved in with me on a trial basis by the time we have Children’s Day in the office. I am planning on bringing my daughters and wondered if you would like to come down and meet them.” You smiled and he could tell it was sincere. Now that he was back from the military he had swiftly moved through the process of being vetted to become an adoptive parent, making his lifelong dream of children come through. Just recently he had cleared out of the ATEEZ dorm and into his new three bedroom apartment on the outskirts of Seoul. Wanting to give his twins the best start, he had chosen the location based on finding a school that would be welcoming to his girls and provide the protection they needed as daughters of an idol, and for other reasons too.

You looked at him fondly, “I would like to meet your girls very much. They made such an impression on the members who had the chance to see them two years ago. Your teammates said such nice things after you had their foster child social group sit in on a dance practice.”

Your former lover looked at you with disbelief. “You are taking this better than I could’ve expected.”

“I know you didn’t ask for any of this either and you couldn’t help your feelings Yunho,” you shrugged. “And truly, part of me is really going to enjoy seeing you as a father.”

“Thank you for allowing me to invite them when I was first looking onto adopting. All those kids have gone through a lot of rough things and they really appreciated getting access nobody else ever had. And, it was a treat for me too. That is how I originally met Aurora and Nero before going into the military. They stood out from the others when Seonghwa invited the children to try the moves with us. San made a great teacher and simplified some of the steps but those two really held their own with a few tweaks to accommodate Nero’s foot brace. The whole time I was enlisted the pair remained on my mind and it stunned me to learn they had not been adopted yet.”

“I remember back then how Mingi said two of the girls had wowed him, not just the physical requirements of the moves but the way they got into the music. I am glad they will be getting a home with you.” You paused thoughtfully. “So, their names. Aurora and Nero. That is quite a coincidence, both shared with ATEEZ song titles.”

Yunho grinned. “They christened themselves and actually took inspiration from their favorite musical act.” He bowed humbly but with a smirk reminding you of the frequent laughter you used to share around each other. “Meeting us was a complete fluke. The foster parent I arranged the tour with had never even heard of ATEEZ.” Turning serious he added, “The twins said our songs were a real comfort to them when they had to move into foster care.”

You wondered what had happened to the family the girls were born into but you knew enough not to ask. Even if the adoption went through and he was free to tell their history that disclosure should be a choice the children got to make. One day you might be close enough to them to know their story but for now you admired Yunho’s discretion which showed some good parenting skills already. He was a good man and you cursed you own lack of interest in having kids, the only thing that had led to your breakup. Even then, if not for the need to appear morally upright for an adoption committee Yunho still would have been in a polyamorous romantic relationship with both you and your husband Mingi while living apart as he always had.

Seeing you come back from your thoughts Yunho continued, “On a brighter note, if we proceed with the adoption the name changes will be official which excited them. If they agree to have me,” he added.

“They like you, right? How could they not? Even if they were not ATEEZ fans, you are so easy to love.” You instantly regretted letting that slip out and Yunho tactfully made no reference to hearing it but you had seen him close his eyes momentarily as if letting the pain pass. The unwanted breakup had been no easier for him to bear. Yunho might never be over the loss of Mingi and you, just like he would always be firmly lodged in your heart. It would always hurt, but at least you had gotten better over time at redirecting your thoughts whenever you caught yourself lingering on your pain.

Yunho answered cautiously, “I think we get along well for recent strangers turned potential family. You have seen I already think of them as my daughters. We will see how well moving in goes but I have high hopes even if I am trying not to get my heart set yet just in case the children or the government adoption agency turns me down for whatever reason.” Acknowledging your shared loss, he admitted, “I could not bear the pain I caused if I am not approved due to our past and we broke up for nothing.”

Again you wished you could comfort him as you would have when lovers. Pausing, you swallowed then spoke. “On the other hand, being open about previously being in a romantic relationship with a man and an agender person might work in your favor. You are a single man trying to adopt daughters which can raise concerns with some people. I know you value your privacy but Mingi and I have agreed you may reveal our prior polyamorous life to anyone at any time, especially if you need to fight for your girls.”

“Thank you, but I feel that will not be necessary. The idol life has always meant I have to weather gossip and this time will be no different. As for vetting motives, I wish they were that careful. My application to adopt was fast tracked, not just because I am famous but also because I come from a ‘good family’ which to them just meant a well-off household rather than any skill at child raising on the part of my parents, excellent as they are.” The lax standards for something as important as the well-being of foster children was not the only part of the process that had infuriated him. Recalling one particular interaction, Yunho was filled with rage all over again.

Tapping the photos on the case file, the employee had argued, “We do have other children you might want to look at. These two are difficult, older and there is not only the well, you know…”

“The sisters are trans, it is not a dirty word.” The sharp warning look Yunho was giving went straight over the staff member’s head.

“Yes, okay, but they are also autistic too and one of them doesn’t talk. The other is lame.”

“Are you from the dark ages? We don’t say that anymore. She has a limp and wears a brace. Come on, you make them sound like damaged goods.” Yunho gritted his teeth. He could not be seen as angry in case that made him appear unsuitable for being an adoptive parent but the conversation with the agency representative was infuriating and he had difficulty hiding his frustration.

“You are talking about the people I hope will consent to being my children. From what I have seen the younger girl is slow to warm up to new people and even if she is never verbal we can communicate in other ways, a lot of texting most likely which makes her like most teens I would think, or I would learn to read sign language from her instead of auditory language. These are not obstacles to me.”

Yunho gripped his hand tightly so he would not bang it on the table. “We have spent enough time together that I am certain the challenges will be worth it with these kids if they will let me be a part of their lives. I have already grown so fond of Nero and Aurora. I am ready to be their legal guardian if they will have me.” His impassioned speech finally got the point across and the subject of looking at supposedly ‘better’ children was finally dropped.

The government agency wanted to make posters and advertisements featuring Yunho adopting his children but in his first parental act he defended their privacy. “I will let you take pictures today and when they are adults they can decide if you may publish them to promote adoption. Give us six months together and then I will happily sit down alone before cameras and gush over the joys of being a father for as many public service announcements as you wish but my children will not appear until they come of age and can consent.”

~

When Children’s Day came around you joined the visitors and their parents on staff for a rooftop picnic. Yunho had offered to introduce his children to the other members of ATEEZ at a welcoming party or in smaller interactions but they both agreed that could be too much for them preferring this wider family event instead where they were not the focus. If they became overwhelmed no one would have a problem with them slipping back home with their father. The newest Jeongs turned out not to need that plan because they enjoyed being around the younger children of staff members so much after missing their own siblings from their original family.  

“Girls? Meet my friend, she is the Vice President of KQ Entertainment.” Choosing a spot by Yunho’s girls as you set down your plate, you got the sense his daughters might be trans and their self-chosen names made more sense to you. He had been tactful indeed keeping all their secrets if that was the case and it made you admire him all the more. You caught Nero give a nod to Yunho. Now given permission he began to speak on the topic, “Thanks to you I knew a bit about genderqueer identities when my babies came into my life.”

“Dad,” they groaned in unison, more out of teenage habit than minding the endearment.

Nero looked at you for a while then asked in a quiet voice, “You are agender aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.”

“When dad told us about you it helped us feel more comfortable with him.” Aurora then mentioned the old ‘If Without You’ video where Yunho had worn bracelets in trans pride flag colors, another with rainbow pride beads, and a third in green and white perhaps signifying part of the agender flag. “Seeing that support too Nero and I knew he was probably someone we could feel safe around. We figured it was okay to risk letting him know we are both trans. That’s why we were in foster care when he met us.” Aurora looked down to her hands. Her voice was icy, “We were kicked out before we were even teenagers.”

Tears filled your eyes. “That should never have happened to you.”

“But it led us to dad and that is what matters,” Nero proclaimed taking her father’s arm.

You felt guilty for the momentary twinge of jealousy that this girl got to have her hands on your former lover Yunho but it was instantly squashed by the recognition that his daughters needed him so much more than you did. Hearing their history, they deserved all the affection they could get and it would never make up for what they had been denied in their original household.

The introductions were interrupted by Yeosang calling the children to gather in the practice room for some crafts with ATEEZ members. As he spoke, his young daughter Hetty in his arms played with Yeosang’s ponytail leaving the onlookers delighted by their cuteness as a pair.

Preparing to see their favorite idols again left Nero and Aurora giggling and squealing as they headed down, they were teen girls after all. San was the person they wanted to meet the most, and they were not disappointed in the man they would soon come to call uncle and later babysit for.

Seeing the tears still in your eyes, Yunho did not immediately follow his daughters to the practice room. While it wouldn’t be considered out of the ordinary to be comforted as a dear friend with a hug you both knew it was a line you could not test for fear of never wanting to leave his arms again so he made do with a tissue. Even then Yunho moved to dab your eyes then caught himself, handing it to you instead.

“Damn,” was all you could say about the history of his children and he could only agree.

“Luckily a classmate’s family took them in and made contact with social services so they never lived on the streets but not everyone has an angel like that in their lives.”

Needing to move to a happier topic, you changed tone and told Yunho how much you liked them. “And calling you dad already, it really sounds like you are well in with them.”

Walking down the stairs at a far slower pace than the excited children, Yunho kept up conversation. “It is mutual,” he smiled. “So my dream came true. The adoption is finalized next week and I wondered if you and Mingi wanted to be there at the signing. My parents will be present too. In case I am incapacitated they have agreed to care for my kids. Mom and dad have been adjusting well to instant grandkids in their teens and unique ones at that. She is pleased to see me so happy, even if it is not the way she expected for me to have children.”

“Mingi and I would have been your alternate guardians if you had asked.”

“I know that, but I also know it would have been more for my sake than anything else since you have not been interested in parenting. Choosing you would have been a disservice to both them and you so I went with Jongho as secondary backup. He’s comfortable with teens in a way he said he would not have been to make that commitment for young children.”

“You know me well, and it sounds like you have thought this through thoroughly. I think you are going to make a great parent, Yunho.”

“I hope so. Aurora and Nero have been living with me on a trial basis until the paperwork goes through and we barely know each other but I am really fond of them already. My guess is you will be too. They have heard you were my partner in the past but not how recently since they know you are married to another member of their favorite group. What interested them the most though, was to learn you are autistic and trans, though unlike them you are non-binary. Given the traits you share, I think your friendship will be an important part of their lives.”

“I would like that and look forward to it. Shall we have a celebratory lunch after the ceremony?”

“I will ask my kids if they feel up to that much activity. It is their day after all and I do not want to push their overstimulation limits.”

“Oh, I get that. Smart thinking. You are a good parent already.” You looked at Yunho thoughtfully and must have blanked out a bit because he seemed concerned. “I will always be so proud of you. As hard as it was you made the right call. Being a father suits you and the way you glow when talking about your girls is a joy to see.”

Looking around to make sure nobody was within earshot outside the door to the practice room, Yunho responded in a quiet voice. “Still, I could have handled things better.”

“You were honest with us from the start. Mingi and I always knew you might not be with us forever. It is not your fault you are so easy to love and hard to live without. Seeing the way you are making a difference in the life of your kids makes the sacrifice worth it though. And given their ages, well, you know you are welcome back at any time. I thought I might have to give you up forever, or at least from birth to adulthood.”

Yunho chewed his lower lip. “You really would still have me? After I blew everything up so badly?”

“It is only adoption rules keeping us apart, not my heart. That is yours forever whether we are lovers again one day or not and Mingi feels exactly the same.”

“Thank you. Knowing you both still care for me makes everything more bearable.”

~

Taking inspiration from Yeosang and his birthmark used to signal off duty times in public, Yunho and his daughters appeared at the courthouse for the paperwork signing each wearing a red carnation to indicate their wish for privacy. His was in the form of a boutonnière on his suit lapel and the girls wore matching corsages. He would not have his children be fodder for the press and he was pleasantly surprised the photographers tipped off to his appearance respected that once they learned why he came to court.

In later years, the lack of media surrounding the adoption led to some speculation Yunho had been a very young teen parent which pleased him immensely. It would have been a different difficult beginning for his girls but he wished he had been able to be there for them from the start and spare them the pain of rejection by their family of origin.

The whole group adapted well to the growing ATEEZ family. Wooyoung, social as ever, was the first to make friends with the twins and soon they were comfortably calling him uncle with the others soon to follow. Mingi would take the girls fishing sometimes and San included them in online games. For their fourteenth birthday, Hongjoong took the girls to his favorite piercing studio. Yunho had been supportive of their wish as long as it was only their ears. “No tongues, lips, noses, or belly buttons. Nothing weird, Hongjoong. My daughters can make that choice when they are far older.”

Of course there were stresses on both sides. The decision making of still developing brains left a lot to be desired sometimes, but at the end of the day they were a very happy family. They stayed with his parents during world tours but his daughters had pretty good judgement and could be trusted to behave when he was out late for work sometimes. Forgetting to change out of their school uniforms the time they impulsively colored their hair was as wild as they ever got. The kids were a little weird, a little noisy, and could be dramatic but in that they were very typical teenagers rather than caused by being autistic or trans and on calmer days they could be glad their father understood that.

Early on they had called him Yunho but it quickly eased into dad most often but they would also play around with papa, daddy, and even once dadu. “That one is new,” he said laughing. “You have been binging Animaniacs again, haven’t you? I’d like to watch with you next time if that’s okay. I loved reruns of that show when I was growing up.”

The holidays were a little rough at first. The girls were not prepared for how intensely their grandfather took video games and pleaded at every opportunity for them to play against him but Aurora and Nero took it in stride and soon were besting him about half the time, much to his delight. Yunho was later pulled aside by his father who proudly declared his granddaughters were a good fit for the family even if they hadn’t taken as strongly to video games as he might like. His mother helped the girls with some makeup tips and they shared some of their own learned from KQ stylists. It made Yunho’s heart swell with pride to see the love his parents and brother shared with his daughters. Technically their uncle, Yunho’s young brother was almost the same age as his nieces and they quickly fell into more of a playful cousin relationship that worked well for everyone.

The little Jeong household settled into routines of work and school, weekend outings to amusement parks and movies, and spending time with their extended family. Years passed in domestic bliss as Yunho watched his daughters grow up into competent young women. His KQ Entertainment office space was covered with their photographs and some drawings by Aurora along with her swim team medals and awards from Nero’s robotics competitions.

Yunho was generous with them, but never to the point of spoiling, so they did not need after school jobs but would often do babysitting together for fun. Their favorite family to work for was Yeosang and Betty’s with their rambunctious daughters and gentle son. In time they added San and Wooyoung’s twins to their roster. Life was good for every one of the Jeongs even if the sisters all too often had to hear classmates praise how handsome their dad and his ATEEZ teammates they called uncles were.

“Ewww, that’s my dad you are talking about, gross,” Nero would laugh while covering her ears. By now the girls had developed a good sense of who was befriending them for their famous parent or for themselves and had amassed a nice group of close friends at their new high school. As much as their father gushed that his children made every dream of his come true, they knew their adoption had been the break of a lifetime for them too. They hoped there was something they could do for him in return one day. In the meantime, they prepared a song for the high school talent show and few who knew their history had a dry eye after their rendition of ‘Dad’ by D.O.

By now half the members of ATEEZ had become parents. Yunho’s kids were the oldest followed by Betty and Yeosang’s three children. Their firstborn was a daughter also christened Betty but to avoid confusion she had quickly gained the nickname Hehetmon by Wooyoung. In use it soon changed to Hetty and she was proud to become the big sister to baby Wooyoung in honor of his uncle and Yeosang’s friend of many years. When asked, Yeosang could tell anyone exactly how many years they had been friends and they knew it would always be that way.

“We could call him Deja Woo to avoid confusion,” Yeosang joked, “though, if I had known he was going to be so quiet I would have picked a different name.”

“Yeosang,” Betty had looked pointedly at her usually adored husband, “we are not going to give our child a pun nickname.”

“Little Wooyoung then to keep him from being confused with….”

She interrupted his train of thought incredulously. “‘Big Wooyoung?’ No, absolutely not, our friend does not need his head swelled any more that it already is.” They laughed together knowing neither of them was being serious. “‘Uncle Wooyoung’ is good enough for the kids to call him. Our little guy will probably end up Wooyoungie until his sister comes up with something shorter.”

The last child to come along had been Chicky. Nobody used her actual name but the term of endearment coined when it was discovered she took after her father with a love of chicken, though in her case it was your family’s restaurant’s vegan nugget version her mother preferred to feed her.

Later on San and Wooyoung would also become fathers, fulfilling their long held dream. With San’s sister as surrogate, they were the proud parents of a twin boy and girl named to honor Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Their daughter Hwaseong was given her name based on Seonghwa’s nickname Mars. To avoid confusion, other than with the family cat, she was called Byeol, while little Hongjoong was called Shiber by their uncles in the group, both names instigated by Yeosang who felt entirely justified, “Hey, you started it calling my daughter Hehetmon and the others random Digimon names.”

The teasing was a show of how close the two families were. Fulfilling a plan made long ago, Yeosang meticulously illustrated the fanfiction Wooyoung had written for San, ‘Shiber’s Adventure At The Zoo’ and it was a favorite story of the children in both households. Shiber himself was still around despite a brief stay at your own home and now lived in the toddler bed with San and Wooyoung’s son while the original Byeol curled up in the small bed of her namesake nearby having moved in with them as San’s parents now traveled frequently in retirement.

Though not a father, rumors swirled around Jongho after so many years of his apparent playboy ways seen with two idols at a time although the dating was just a cover for the women’s own relationships. The first you had heard of the gossip was from browsing celebrity news online. “Did you see what they are saying? There is even a picture compared to that photo of you as a child from the ATEEZ third anniversary footage. Her baby really does look like you, Jongho.” Knowing Jongho was asexual and aromantic, you were certain he had not been romantically involved with the idol from the story.

Your queerplatonic partner smiled as he looked at the photo comparison. “Of course he should, I was the sperm donor. We have decided my role will be godfather to the child she shares with her ‘roommate’ girlfriend.” Now you recalled his offer made to several of his friends in the industry since he had no interest in children of his own. You leaned back into him on the couch to resume your reading as he slowly ran a hand through your hair. Soon after the conversation Mingi arrived home and joined in the pile, falling asleep in your arms, then you also succumbed to a nap in that position as did Jongho. Things were good in your household of three now that Jongho was the final member to return from the military.

So time passed. The members started getting grey hair, and almost everybody had everything they wanted. Almost.

~ On to A Weekend With Yeosang