#trans ref

reposting this from sabre (@bottleneckloser on insta)

imagine a kid named jade whose athletic parents insisted that she, too, was destined to be a star athlete. since birth jade was made to participate in sports. at first she didn't question it, always doing her best because she didn't know that she even *could* do anything else.

but jade grew miserable. even though she was having some success in sports, every practice grew to feel like a form of torture. it just wasn't the way she wanted to live. she always dreamed to be anything *but* an athlete. she wasn't great in school, but jade found her closest friends in art class.

jade met more and more artists as the years went on and began making her own art.

jade's parents were furious. jade was *destined* to be a great athlete! she had been successful as an athlete so far, so why squander that progress?

to her parents, jade had always been an athlete. to jade, she had always been miserable. jade was tired of misery, so jade started making art full time and practically abandoned sports.

she liked to hike or rollerskate with friends occasionally, and she did stretches-- to prevent carpal tunnel-- but jade *never* felt like an athlete.

now, even though jade's parents have grown to accept their kid as an artist, her parents still insist that she used to be an incredible athlete. but when jade hears that, she only feels her incredible misery. even though it may have looked like she was a happy athlete on the outside before. even though people used to call her an athlete all the time and she wouldn't complain. she had always just smiled and moved on.

these days, jade would really rather be stung by a bee than be referred to as an athlete. it wasn't going to kill her, but it hurt, especially with repetition.

jade likes to think of her younger self as an artist yet to be awakened, whose muse was the turmoil that she faced every day pretending to be an athlete. she never knew for sure that *art* would be her calling until it happened, but to jade it seemed only natural.

she isn't ashamed of her past. jade can comfortably talk about the people she knew and the things she did, especially when those memories aren't related to sports. but most of the time, as long as she *was* playing sports, she never really felt like herself.

when other people call jade an athlete, or even recall their memories of her "as an athlete," jade feels a little more trapped in the past, in her so-called "destiny," and she loses a little hope for her future as an artist.

however, jade is lucky to have two very good friends: sam (they/them) and desmond (he/him). all three of them grew up the same way, but they all have different boundaries.

sam really enjoyed being an athlete for a while, and settled on art later. they have no problem being referred to as a former athlete and they still enjoy playing sports sometimes, though they are definitely more of an artist now.

desmond, however, is so troubled by his past being forced into playing sports that he never even wants to talk about it, let alone ever be referred to as an athlete. for him, it's like having an intense allergic reaction to being stung by a bee.

sam and desmond deeply understand the challenges that jade has gone through. though it rarely comes up, sam and desmond always talk about jade's youth as the the harrowing beginnings of a young artist--just the way jade sees it. that always makes her feel a little safer with them and a little more confident in herself.

the past can't be changed, but we can change the way we think about the past. for jade, part of respecting who she is as an artist is for anyone who knows her to think of her present as inevitable--from the start. her real "destiny" is happening: she's an artist! and she was always meant to be one.

I am (currently, as of 5/25/22) a 21 year old FTM trans man. You can call me David or Juice. This blog is a record of my journey through surgery and recovery. I'm MORE than happy to answer questions in my ask box if anyone needs insight from someone who's been through a recent top surgery procedure!

The thing is I have to wait until I’m at uni to get a binder, so point of pride might be the better option for me bc then I won’t have it shipped to my home (I’m not out to my parents and rely on them atm that’s my whole problem)

Me: Nice

TranZWear suppliers: We're gonna label everything very clearly so if anyone in the house finds the package they'll know what you ordered