being trans at the start of college where i’m meeting a whole bunch of new people at once has made me realize that i pass better than i thought i did

t shot while wearing the blue flower skirt for today

GENDER MAKES NO SENSE okay so tonight i was at this formal event and i was serving looks i was in my four inch platforms and this black dress and my hair is pretty long so i was serving too many looks for the men’s bathroom. at the end of the event one of the ushers called me “miss” and i didn’t really care that much? i was like “hmm you are wrong sir but i don’t care enough to correct you.” so it was incorrect but it didn’t bring about any pain. but at this event were many attractive men and the thought of them perceiving me as a girl bothered me. and now i’m here, in my room, in my pajamas, just chilling. can i PLEASE stop thinking about gender for two seconds so i can sleep i am BEGGING.

okay i think the most accurate way to describe my gender is that i’m a non-binary guy because on the inside i’m just chillin, but i’m most comfortable being perceived as a guy

i feel like right now i’m experiencing late stage transgenderism. like i’ve fully medically transitioned to what i want, i’m largely recognized as male in most social circles—dysphoria really isn’t a part of my life anymore, so what does that leave me with? i just get to,,,,,live my life now?? i grew up during the era on the internet where a lot of the rhetoric i was seeing said that you needed dysphoria to be trans, and now that i’m at a stage where i really don’t experience dysphoria, i don’t quite know what to do with myself. i’m literally just chilling. and that kind of scares me

trying to shop for something to wear at prom as a trans man has been such a painful experience it’s unreal. i want to be gnc and wear a dress but none of the dresses are made for someone with my body. i don’t want to wear a suit because that’s boring but i feel like it’s my option. i’m given weird looks in dress shops. it’s draining and discouraging having one dress after another look like absolute shit on me. i hate this so much.

*blows a kiss* to all the trans people on tdov

the more i think about it the likelier it is that’s i’m a non-binary guy. because i don’t feel like a guy in the same way other guys do because i really acknowledge my upbringing as a girl in society and how that affects me today. i’m not a man i’m the same way cis men are, and i understand that other trans men do feel like they’re men in the same way cis men are, i just don’t. but i’ll have to sit with that term for a lot longer to really see if that’s how i feel