#totren

I know it's been alot going on recently but I'm so thankful for you, forever blessed to have you, lucky to be yours & I wouldn't be on this ride with anyone in this world but you. Thank you for loving me & allowing me to love you. Thank you for being here & allowing me to be here for you when you allow me. I appreciate you & your existence in more ways than one & I want you for the rest of my life. I love you with everything in my being. Please don't ever doubt my love for you baby, it is endless.

I put you in this place of hurt only to not realize I’m not helping when I still talk from my own place of hurt because that doesn’t matter. What matters is you were still there. I lost sight of that during all of this. I know I could talk about my feelings but it really didn’t matter when I should’ve been worried about yours. For me to say what I said while you still been there during your own pain isn’t right. I shouldn’t think you’re going to give me as much compassion because of that. To love you would be to really consider all angles of everything. It’s like I realize shit afterwards and I hurt myself operating like that. I apologize for ever making you feel less than because you’re tremendously far from that. It fucks with my heart knowing I fucked up the best thing I’ve ever had. I always want unlimited love, appreciation & light for you. In your life or not. I thank you for blessing me with your love & your presence in my life. I know you didn’t go looking for all of this but I was still blessed to be connected to you.

You’re an incredible woman Tren. I never said I wasn’t satisfied. Don’t take what I said as something that is a reflection of how you are because that will never be you with how supportive you are. You were always enough when you were with me & when you weren’t. I can’t take away how good of a woman you are and I’m never gonna speak on things like you didn’t make me the happiest I’ve ever been with someone. You brought me out a dark place. I realize I’m a lot and I’m the one who needs to just be. You did stay after leaving and you talked me even after being tired of the conversation I kept trying to have and I appreciate that. I never wanted to get this point where you’re not in my life. I can’t take back what I said and I know I said that because I was hurt. You’ve always been there for me. You even try to when we weren’t speaking. Lately it has been hard because I went through the most & not having that conversation I’m used to, I missed that more than anything, I’ve been lonely & anxiety filled. Demons I have to conquer. Ion ever want you thinking that you couldn’t satisfy me because you did everything you could & more. I think I’m unrealistic at times, I can’t expect so much from someone if I’m not giving my all. I have to respect your feelings and your heart right now. You deserve to feel more than appreciated, loved & valued because your love is limitless. You taught me about myself, what love is & what trust really looks like. I pray you obtain everything you deserve & desire. I will always want the best for you & I’m always gonna care. You have such a beautiful heart & I pray you receive the best love to nurture it in the healthiest way possible.

I understand & It will take time. I have to allow you to do that in peace. I hope we can still be friends when you’re ready. I will always be here for you Tren & I love you. I apologize that I made this so hard. I never wanted you to leave.

I guess all I wanna know right now is if you can’t be friends with me yet do you feel comfortable talking to me? I don’t want to force that on you, if you honestly can’t and still have a hard time doing it I understand & I’ll give you space and time until we can. It’s seems like you need more time to process things. I just hate the distance that gives us, which makes me wanna speak to you everyday. I guess I need to know when you don’t feel like taking, I’ll talk to you when you tell me you want to. I’m just not trying to lose anything we have as far as our foundation we have. I’m trying to do everything in my power not to lose you. I’d rather know how you feel over being the last person to know anything. I know a lot is up in the air with feelings but I want you to be able to be completely honest with me even if you think it hurts. I honestly thought I’d have to worry about you moving on, because I’m not ready and still have so much hope & love in me. We’ll talk soon if you like. I love you.

I hope you don’t get tired of me telling you I love you...

I really wanna talk soon if you’re down to. If you don’t know how we can renew things, why don’t we start over especially as friends? It would be better to just smooth this out without us causing anything additional when we can just try to fix our foundation. I really love you Tren, I’ll be as patient as possible. This shit starting to hurt so bad. I’m keeping my pride and ego in check for that reason because I’m the reason we’re at this point. I take full ownership of that. Being friends with you would mean the world to me because besides the intimacy we had before it allows us to really see all sides of each other as person. You see my love, loyalty & dedication, vice versa. I’ll protect your heart with the same passion as my own as I should’ve from the start. I mean I already see you as a friend but I’d love to be your best friend. I just always wanna be as supportive and understanding as possible. I’m gonna be your number fan, listen to you and just show up when you need me in any way. I understand now you deserved that first & I should’ve allowed you to choose honestly what you wanted for yourself. Shit I miss everything man, I miss seeing you, being in your presence, conversations and so much more. I wanna share everything with you. You are so valuable to me & my life. I’ll do anything to at least show you I’m trying to make this work cuz I’d never give up on you or on us. You do have to let that hurt go when you can or allow yourself to but I’d never push you to do that when you’re not ready. Just makes it hard for me to talk to you and I mean idk how to really proceed cuz you won’t really budge. You know communication is important so that’s what’s hard for me right now. If we’re gonna be friends I don’t ever want either of us to isolate ourselves when we have each other. I love you too much.