#torn anon

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Kate Anon

Hi Cas! Hope you're doing good!

Just here to rant!

Okay, so first some backstory. Last summer I went to a camping were you do all sorts of courses like dancing, art, theater, and more. There were not a lot of people my age, but I befriended this girl, lets call her Kate. Kate and I started hanging out, she was super nice and honestly very pretty. We talked a bit and found out we lived very close to each other, and she was moving even closer to my house after the summer. We even found out we knew the same people, and I did theater at the place she danced. So it were all crazy coincedences. We alse befriended some other cool people, but they were a bit crazy, and Kate turned out to be just like them. They would vape and smoke and drink late at night at a campfire. Kate offered me multiple times to sneak me out of my tent and to take me to the campfire. She was super nice about it, respecting that I didnt want to drink or smoke or anything like that. But we did become more distant because of that. At that camp I also met another girl, lets call her Anne. Anne is a year younger then me but super sweet. Anne also lived super close to me and lived in the street Kate was going to move to!

After the summer me and Anne stayed friends, while me and Kate just said hi when we saw each other, but thats it.

But today, like ten minutes ago Anne texted me asking if I had Kate's number. I said I didn't and asked why, turns out Kate's mother passed last week and was burried yesterday. I dont know how she passed but I think it must have been an accedent, bc shes divorced and she just moved. Even thought its not my place I am very worried about Kate, knowing her drinking habits. We havnt spoken since that week in the summer, so the worst I could do is start bothering her now when she only needs close friends. But I feel terrible for her because she did not deserve to lose her mom, no one does. She has just moved, with these plans of decorating her new room, she just started living in this new chapter, and now her moms dead. I can't do anything to help, because this really isnt my place. But I hate not knowing anything and worrying she's going to do something stupid and overdose on drugs or alcohol. It's weird, bc in one week we did a lot and shared a lot about our lives, and I really want to help, but I shouldnt and I feel so powerless, bc for some reason I keep on feeling that there must be something I could do for her, but I can't.

Sorry for the long rant, hope you have a nice day.

Hi <3

Ugh this is awful, I feel so bad for Kate. Honestly, if you have her number, I don't think there's anything wrong with texting her and saying you heard what happened and you're there if she ever needs to talk. Like...showing support isn't a bad think, I think?

But yeah it sucks when these things happen and there's not much you can do. I hope that she has a support system in place that can look out for her.

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Best Friend Anon

my best friend is dating a toxic person and i feel bad because they seem to really like eachother and i don't have the heart to confront my best friend about that girl behaviour because of how happy she makes her. I'm lost at this point.

Hi <3

So...as someone who has been the person dating the toxic person...I think it's so hard because like...you don't want to push your best friend away by being like "wow your partner is an asshole" but also you don't want to keep letting it go on.

Honestly I think the best thing to do is ask questions, and remind her that you're there for her. Ask questions like "Oh, is saw your gf did x. How did you feel about that?" Like...don't let it slide but don't be confrontational or judgy. And then when she says whatever she says, just remind her that you're there for her, no matter what. Heavy on the no matter what.

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Torn Anon

hey cas I’m scared of politics. and illiteracy. and history repeating itself. and propaganda. and I kind of just want to hole myself in and ignore all of it. what should I do? I’m just focusing on studying and doing better at school and talking to my friends but gods am I scared of what’s happening. (no need for an anon name! love your stuff<3) I’m happy personally. I’ve called the people I love recently. I’m trying out new things. I don’t know. I feel torn.

Sorry with this new system I had to give you a name!

I think you're right to be nervous, but it sounds like you're doing what you can- you're studying, you have a support system, you're staying educated. There has to be a balance between knowing what is happening, and putting yourself and your growth as a priority. It's okay to prioritize you, your mental health, your growth and education. Do what you can to stay in the know and use your voice, but also don't overwhelm yourself. I think that becomes a problem when you don't do what you NEED to do- like vote, if you are able. But there are going to be some times in your life when you just don't have the stamina to give all of your energy toward changing the world, and that's okay. YOU matter, too.

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Shy Anon

Hey cas!

These past few months have been hectic I'm ngl. My parents had a huge fight resulting in them almost getting divorced my sister's mental health has been declining and my other sister is diagnosed with a health condition and my finding out my brother has a speech impediment!

I just really wanted to vent to someone because I don't have a therapist because I'm underage and my parents don't believe in mental health kind of therapy and say I'm completely fine

But other than that life has been okay I guess

I'm just worried I might be coping in anyway that could affect me years later

Do you have any healthy coping techniques you wouldn't mind telling me?

All the Hugs And Kisses

XOXO

- Shy Anon

Holy shit, that is a LOT! Honestly, the way of coping that works best for me is creative expression- writing, singing, drawing, painting, etc. But I know some people do better with talking or getting exercise! I think the idea is to just get the emotions OUT in a way that doesn't harm you. If you haven't tried any of these, maybe try each one by one and see what feels right to you?

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Ouroboros anon

Hi <3

I'm not gonna copy your ask here because if the topic but I think you'll know it's you. First, I'm so sorry this happened, and I hope you're still enjoying your vacation!

As far as tumblr, please keep blocking- both the tags and the people. Block AND report because that shit isn't okay.

As far as you, I know you already know this but I'm going to say it anyway. The things you are describing are a VERY slippery slope. Yes, you say you'll just do it for a little while, but you and I both know that the likelihood of 'a little while' turning into a deadly problem is VERY high.

Trust me, I absolutely know how hard it is. I've been struggling with my body image my entire life. But please please understand that the 'solution' you are describing is NOT a solution, because it doesn't fix the fact that YOU are hurting. And you do not deserve to treat yourself that way.

Please know I care about you, and I know you can make the right choices. I also think it might be a good idea to talk to a school guidance counselor or doctor about this- you deserve to feel happy with yourself.

Sending love <3

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Thoughts Anon

Thoughts anon here.

CAS MONA LISA IS A DUDE.

Did you know that? I did not know that (before today that is).

So we all know da Vinci right? He's our fave Italian artist he served cunt he made a painting of our beloved babygirl Mona Lisa...

But! Scientists analysed Mona Lisa's face and found that she bore STRIKING resemblance to one Gian Giacomo Caprotti da Oreno, better known as Salaì, our OTHER fave Italian artist who served cunt and was also da Vinci's favourite student.

He was also da Vinci's muse AND lover but no one can prove it and it's irrelevantttttttt...

Okay I lied it's very relevant.

So da Vinci drew a LOT of... Ah, EXPLICIT sketches of Salaì (18+ who?). I just think that this proves that Salaì was da Vinci's muse at the very least (if not a lover) but idk that might just be me...

And ALSO. 'Mona Lisa' is an anagram for 'MON SALAÌ' which literally translates to 'MY SALAÌ' if it wasn't obvious SO SEDATE ME CASSSSSS

Literally what the fuck this shit is true love if I've ever seen it even though nobody can prove it but who CARES we live in delulu land all the time da Vinci x Salaì is CANON and the art is PROOF because when you fall in love with an artist you can never truly die and UGH.

Anyway, all this to say...

Me 🤝 shipping dead gay wizards from the seventies 🤝 shipping dead gay Italian artists from the 15th and 16th centuries

(Also no trauma dumping whaaaaaaaattt?)

Idk I just missed you so I thought I'd bombard you with this piece of info you may or may not already know

Okay I had a lowkey obsession with DaVinci a while back and I thought they decided Mona Lisa was a self portrait? But honestly, this is a MUCH more fun explanation.

Canon ✅

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Intrusive Thoughts Anon

hi, its intrusive thoughts anon

its funny how the way my gender gets the most affirmed by my friends just saying the weirdest things to me?

like ny friends and i were discussing man buns (i think ive told you this before) and my friends insisted they look terrible, but i said one could pull it off sometimes and one of them said yeah, you do.

like giggling squealing kicking my feat.

and then last week or so, ny friends were over and i was making cinnamon rolls (fucking hate that shit). when i had to roll out the dough, i rolled up the sleeves of sweater and then ny button down and my friend said you know you look like an actual fuck boy right now.

like, i would never play like that but🫣🫣🫣

also once my bsf and i were just talking and we'd just been talking about religion and stuff and she said, i know its wrong for ne to say so, because god created everyone perfect but sometimes i genuinely believe you were born the wrong gender.

like tehe.

i swear nothing gets me happy emoting like these little comments do. and i unfortunately very rarely happy emote.

ALSO mind you this is a cousin who is not very um... ally like. like shes not homophobic but also not. sometimes i think she's bi and shes trying to divert attention off that by saying homophobic stuff (ive caught her litr just drawing the bi flag ON MY LEG MIND YOU, and we also actively simp over women when we watch stuff together. but she has also been now, half way unrequited inlove with a guy for tue past year and he recently said her name during a game and she lowkey went "i didnt even know he knew my name😍😍" LIKE WOMAN GET UPPPPP but thats all besides the point)

so basically i was changing right (not fully just my outer layer) so at this moment, i was in sweats and a tank top and i was about to put a sweatshit on top to sleep. and she said you know you look like those masc lesbians on tiktok. at first i took the compliment but then at night i was like wait.... WHAT ARE MASC LESVIANS DOING ON HER FYP??? but yk what, she should do her and i hope she comes out to me cz i can come out to her cz im too scared to do it first.

but yeah, these little compliments give me sm gender euphoria.

also once a guest came over and i was sitting eating breakfast and watching ny phone, after i was done my grandmother called ne to greet th guest and she literally goes like oh this is [my birthname], i thought this was [my brothers name] LIKE LMFAO YOU THOUGHT MY 5'3" ASS WAS MY 6'2" BROTHER???? LMAO WOMAN L. M. A. O.

yeah its times like these that i feel like hmmm maybe im not as far into the closet as i think.

also when ny friends were over, my mothers friends (my TEACHERS) were also over and they were all so surprised that i have short hair. and that was the lingest my hair had been for like 2 years lol. and one of them said that she thought i had extremely long hair and ny History teacher just shook her head.

i feel like my history teacher sometimes sees me more than my other teachers cz once ny mother showed pictures of my photoshoot i did eith ny two plushies (iconic photoshoot if you ask me) and my physics teacher said that shed never have thought that i liked those things... or coukd smile that big and was that playful (it was a very unserious photoshoot) and my history teacher said that no, its pretty apparent because nobody else would lie doen on the floor just to cut some paper, and that i just have clear boundaries.

SPEAKING OF WHICH!!! one of the teachers at my school told my mother that sometimes when they try to joke with me they feel embarrassed because i just look at them confused like why sre you joking with me? we're not that frank?

and i was like its not even that, im genuinely just confused because i dont know what the appropriate way to respond is?? like if its an actual joke id laugh, but i cant with subtle shit??? its so hard to figure out what to do. kike pls dont talk to ne if you dont know me.

like this teacher (the one said that) once when i was filling my water bottle told me that she saw a girl on a scooter in the morning and thought that ut was me. she laughed a little and smiled and i just stared at her because i was genuinely having an internal meltdown about wtf to say.

when i came home, i told my parents and ny mother said that i couldve laughed a little or smiled, but ny dad said i was 100% right in ny reaction because genuinely how the fuck did she expect ne to react. like thank you for once dad.

also this one teacher told my mother that when she looks at me she thinks i was to kill her??? like no. shes actually one of the two teachers i actually like.

either these teachers are hella dramatic or i actually need to work on my resting face.

anyways this is so rambky, i dont even know where this started but i just wanted to rant to somebody and i dont have anyone physically or otherwise whod actually listen (like besides you) and i was going to start to become a mad man if i continued talking to myself.

good bye and tysm for reading all this. and do please lmk if youre team cinnamon or team i fucking hate cinnamon because in the latter which is a disappointment because everybody ik adores my cinnamon rolls (im virtually sending you some)

tysm!!

idk if i mentioned but its intrusive thoughts anon and its 11pm and i just had coffee which may explain why im rambling...

Hahahaha I feel like sometimes people can just tell without even knowing themselves, you know? And then other times, people can tell, but they either don't know if YOU've realized yet, or they're trying to be tactful.