#torchlight 3

Smash Bros.

Remember my old prediction for Fighter Pass 2? Well, I’m already wrong.

That’s okay, though! Min Min is pretty good. I do prefer third-party characters for the wow factor, but Arms didn’t have a rep yet, so this is kind of like adding a new franchise.

Special mention to the Vault Boy costume. Despite everything, I still love Fallout.

Still, I might have underestimated how many first-party characters would be in the second pass. This time around, I’m buying them individually, so I can dodge lamers like Pokemon and New Paper Mario.

The punchline here is that I’m not actually playing the game, because if I fight someone I know, I only win, and if I fight online, I only lose. Neither is fun and life is suffering.

World of Warcraft

These being Covid Times, I thought it would be a good idea to use videogame to provide some social interaction, so I re-subscribed and made ten new characters. The following two months were spent grinding. I stopped once I realized that the game is not actually fun, and cancelled my subscription again.

Note: No social interaction occurred in-game during this time. I anticipate paying sixty dollars plus tax for the expansion.

Evil Genius

I guess this has been my main game lately! Out of nowhere, it’s an old PC game from 2004.

The concept is: A James Bond film, but you are the antagonist. Hollow out a mountain and build an evil underground lair. Recruit minions and execute them when they disappoint you. Embark on evil missions around the globe to increase notoriety. It’s all very silly, and the theme is excellent.

Unfortunately there are a few racial caricatures. Most prominently: my favorite playable genius Shen Yu. It hurts a little whenever he says “this is vitar to my pran”, but his ability helps keep agents off my island, so I have to play as him because I hate those fucking agents goddamn it.

He also starts with my favorite henchman, Lord Kane, a morose gentleman in a top hat who is, according to his biography, “responsible for pretty much every major crime or disaster this century.” His special power is to glare at the enemy, causing them to flee in terror. The enemy’s allies also flee in terror. Even if they are in a completely different room.

Another notable henchman is Dr. Neurocide, a fearsome scientist whose backstory is that she invented Evil Juice and then rubbed it on herself by mistake. I like her because, when you command her to eliminate an intruder in your lair, she replies “right away, sugar,” in a country girl accent.

I like the game a lot, but it can get pretty tough. My first campaign ended in failure because, since I was playing as a Bond villain, James Bond appeared and killed me. I wasn’t too mad about it because I got to see the special failure movie.

Incredibly, this old game is getting a sequel this year! Shen Yu isn’t playable this time, so the devs have probably cleaned up their act a little. Also, one of the unrevealed playable characters looks a little like Dr. Neurocide. Fingers crossed!

The Binding of Isaac

Have I even mentioned this on my blog before? Isaac is one of my favorite games of all time. Top ten for sure. It’s disgusting and vile, but the cute art style takes the edge off, leaving only intense dungeon fight and shoot. I have trouble playing some games lately- my thumb hurts if i have to press too many buttons- but Isaac is a twin-stick shooter. No buttons required!

I’d been avoiding it because I wanted to wait for the game’s fifth(?) free expansion, which has been in the works for at least a year. Then I remembered that instead of waiting, I could instead play the game with only four free expansions. So I did.

Recently, though, the dev posted with an update: the expansion is definitely coming next year probably. With that assured, I’m back to waiting. I’ll play some other roguelikes instead, such as

Hades

Some kind of historical-action-roguelike-dating sim. It’s very good. Still in Early Access, which i usually avoid, but this one’s worth it. They’re close to release, too: next update is 1.0.

Somehow the plot is the most substantial part of this roguelike. Every update, they add another 400 lines of voiced dialogue. You don’t even have to be good at the game to advance the plot, since you hear more after each death!

Still, I wish I wasn’t so bad at it. Any time I see someone playing it on stream, or in person in the case of @thewrongexecution, they’re playing somewhere between heat level six and eight. Meanwhile I can’t win on heat level one. Truly, this is... hell... the Greek hell... Hades... because the game is called that.........

Torchlight 3

Speaking of Early Access games I usually avoid, I got this one on “release” day because I really wanted to play Diablo, and the five existing Diablo clones just weren’t good enough.

It’s okay. The classes are great, especially Robot and Train Summoner, but the game needs polish. No surprises there, since I got it Early Access day one, but it can be tough to play sometimes. Last update added a whole new section to the game, but it also made all the UI elements very small.

Still, I’m pretty sure it’s going to turn out well in the end. If it doesn’t, I’ll just have to hope Diablo 4 isn’t terrible when it comes out three years from now.

World of Horror

I got this game thinking it was a roguelike.

It is, but it is also a horror game! There was a jumpscare! How could this happen?

I look forward to the next time I am bold enough to play it. Soon, I swear.

Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!

Yeah that’s the game’s full, unaltered title.

I’m not actually playing this game at the moment. I had to dial it back because it got too hard, and also because my thumb hurts if I play anything too intensely button-mash heavy.

Even though I’m a poor typist, I’m seriously considering switching over to keyboard controls so I can keep playing, because as hard as it is, this game is incredible. The whole series has been good and the third is the best of all. It’s the world’s most hardcore cooking simulator. A hard sell, I know, so I’ll just leave you with this, one of my favorite “you have seven seconds to prepare for the final stop, at which fifty-three customers will each order a personalized sandwich, and your sliced meats are about to spoil all at once” theme songs.

in closing...

It’s tough times. I can’t go without saying one more thing.

I’ve been watching the nationwide protests on twitch for a while now. I’ve been struck by two main things: the strength and courage of the protesters, and the cowardly violence of the police.

I know my audience is practically nil, but please take a look at the peaceful protests if you haven’t. Take a look at their opposition, the officers who launch gas bombs into crowds and fire rubber bullets at people’s faces.

And holy shit, this is during a pandemic! All the protesters out there are risking their lives on multiple fronts, and they have been for months.

Please support the protesters.

Please support Black communities.

Please wear face masks.