Gotta vent my wildly personal experiences somewhere. If I was not uncomfortable with the idea of this being a comic or zine, it would be:
I am asexual and tend to be quite uncomfortable with the idea of me being perceived in the context of sexuality.
I am also disabled, and this extends into my experience of sexuality. Maybe it’s a flex to people who think sex is hot, but sexual behavior very easily makes me faint or dislocate things without very much even happening. I generally feel pretty apathetic about it. It feels like if I cared about sex more maybe I’d care about it being disabling more.
Recently, a doctor prescribed me a 30 day heart monitor. I was told that people would have live access to my data, and be on-call to respond to emergencies. The purpose of this monitoring is to better understand my fainting. And so, I was met with a conundrum:
We want data on my fainting. The most common cause of me fainting is getting off. I am being monitored 24/7 for 30 days. I am very uncomfortable with the idea of being perceived in the context of sexuality. It would be very easy for me to not engage in sexual behavior for 30+ days, in fact I’d be much more comfortable.
…but I also need to know what’s happening when I faint. I need to know something more serious isn’t going on, especially because I am often alone. No one is there to respond in an emergency, and I don’t know how comfortable I feel with any other option for harm reduction (Text a friend? Get a partner? Just don’t do anything ever?)
So. Hm. I don’t know how to put this… I believe I have provided sufficient data on my fainting.
Two experiences I did not want to come from this, but so far have:
1) The first time I logged fainting, I got a call asking if I’d like an ambulance. No, this is normal. Please leave me alone.
2) I stopped logging fainting, even when it happened, because I didn’t want them to call me (I didn’t want to be perceived that much, they have the data that matters). Understandably, my doctor called today to check in.
I was in Safeway when I got that call, so I got to tell the shampoo aisle that the most common reason I faint is masturbation and that I’m too scared to share that because I’m aroace and don’t want people involved in my sexuality.
What a public experience to have. It’s so much worse that way!
My doctor was very understanding and handled the subject with a lot of care. But wow. Yeah. This is queer disabled life.
