#toddlernaps

Babies' sleep is such a big part of being a mom and having a mom blog, I just have to cover it at least once. I was actually inspired to write this post after writing a review of the Dockatot Grand (the bigger one for babies 9 months and older) on Amazon. You can read my review here, or wait for my upcoming blog post for more details. It was actually a comment from another parent who was going through the exact same sleep issues that made me think I should share my sleep story here.

When MK was about 4 months old, she just stopped sleeping. Yes, I know there is a developmental leap at that age and that babies go through a sleep regression. What you do during this sleep regression will, apparently, haunt you for the rest of their childhood. No one told me this at the time, but I've decided it is the undeniable truth.

At around 7 months, sick, exhausted from getting up every 45 min to 2 hours and not being able to get back to sleep, having failed at variations of cry-it-out because she lasted longer than I could (2 hours!), and feeling the pressure from folks who kept saying, "well, we co-slept for years and my baby slept through every night," I finally brought MK into bed with me. And we finally, finally slept. For a few weeks that is.

Since then, my husband and I have been trying to get her to 1) sleep through the night, and 2) sleep in her own bed. Trying to get her into her crib was like trying to hold a hysterical, 20lb fish.  A red, swollen-faced puffer fish. I can't do the Ferber Method, cry it out, or Ferberize her, whatever you want to call it. She can cry longer than I can stand it. That means we've stuck to "gentle sleep training" methods, the no cry-it-out kind,  which means it's not at all effective.

I did all the things - black out curtains, white noise, sleep routine since day 1 at home, dream feeding, cluster feeding, co-sleeping, milk in a bottle, milk in a cup, night weaning, night feeding. I even bought an over-priced dog bed for her (I mean Dockatot ;). I read all the books; the Sleep Lady, Pantley, Dr. Ferber, Dr. Karp, Dr. Sears, Dr. Weissbluth, Dr. Seuss. You know who else read all these books? Everyone on the internet. At least everyone with a baby with "sleep issues."

Some days MK sleeps perfectly through the night. Some days she still wakes every 2 hours. Sometimes I am woken up by dreams that I've been wrongly accused and am suffering sleep-deprivation torture at a secret facility.  Some days I'm woken by dreams that Charkie from Curious George has gotten off his leash AGAIN (seriously, people, that dog is a menace) while I'm out walking with the little and he will not leave my overprotective dog alone (do you really want to die, Charkie??) The only consistency is what I'm not getting -- consistent sleep.

While going through the training process to become a Certified Child Sleep Consultant, I learned that bedtime is non-negotiable; naptime should be treated the same way. I often have clients who tell me that their toddler decided they do not want to nap anymore. My response to them is that as the parent, you decide when naps will end, not your child. Inconsistencies are a part of parenthood. However, a regular routine is a different story. Once a child has their normal schedule ironed out, this is when exceptions can be made and once in a while a nap can be skipped for a special occasion.

Let’s get the scientific facts out of the way. Infants nap throughout the day and there is a reason for this. Naps effect night sleep and vice versa. Think of naps as part of the 24 hour daily sleep cycle. When a child outgrows the infant stage and becomes a toddler, this doesn’t change. Naptime remains an important piece of the sleeping puzzle. Naps allow the body and mind to rest and provide both mental and physical restoration. The benefits to a healthy sleep routine are endless. A child with a regular naptime and bedtime, based on biological sleep waves will be focused, happy, and of course, rested. What we have learned through studies and research in just the past few years is that healthy sleep as a child, has an impact on our adult behavior and cognitive ability, as well as our concentration and mood.

If you are a parent reading this blog and wondering if your child should still be napping, I encourage you to ask yourself this; “What is my child’s behavior like at the end of the day?” We often hear parents make remarks about their child acting cranky, stubborn or having behavior issues and they attribute it to their child being tired. This is not the case for a rested child. Appropriate behavior is exhibited by a child who is getting adequate amounts of sleep, both day and night. Cranky behavior is not just something to brush off, as a parent we need to figure out the cause behind it.

One of my philosophies about child sleep is that parents need to enter into each developmental stage as prepared as possible so that they don’t have to go back and correct behavior. This is a perfect example of why; “Over many weeks or months, your child develops ‘cumulative sleepiness’ until he hits a wall and becomes overtired. In this state, it is difficult for him to nap because his body is geared up to fight the fatigue.” If you do not give your child the option to skip a nap, then you will not have to figure out how to get them to start napping again. “There are good naps and bad naps. Occasional nap strikes may not be harmful but nap-stubborn kids are usually overtired.”

My intentions are not to scare parents with toddlers who do not nap, or to make them feel guilty or as though they are an inadequate parent. My intention is to give them the facts so that they can understand that sleep needs to be one of the highest priorities of parenting. “Small but constant deficits in sleep over time tend to have escalating and perhaps long-term effects on brain function.” Parents of toddlers who give in to their child’s refusal to nap are not intentionally delaying their mental and physical development. Parents do not influence negative sleep habits on purpose. That’s where I come in, part of my job is to educate parents on the benefits of a healthy sleep schedule so that they understand why and how sleep positively influences their child today and in the future.

I really can’t emphasize enough how important a consistent nap routine is for a toddler. Sleep Inertia experience by a child is just one result of disturbed sleep. It can be explained as the intermittent state where sleep and wakefulness overlap. This overlap state is uncomfortable for children and causes disorientation as well as physical pain. Parents are often confused when their child wakes from an extra-long nap unhappy. The simple answer is your child has been missing too much sleep. Also, if you are experiencing a child who is “wired” and not able to entertain themselves, it is because the high cortisol levels produced in their body after missing a sleep period makes the child too tired to nap. “A sign of sleeping well is a calm and alert state. Upon awakening, well rested children are in good cheer and able to play by themselves.”

As this post is coming to an end I leave you with one thought, “It is simply not true that children who miss naps will “make up” for it by sleeping more at night. In fact the sleep they miss is gone forever.”