#monkey-boy

10: Fears or phobias: ooooh Freak has agoraphobia which means that Deke is In Charge of killing any spiders in Waitrose. He almost passed out when Ella and Monkey-boy decided to show him their new friend Mr Sprinkles. Akkie almost passed out as well but not out of fear.

20: What Ifs/Alternate timeline: I HAVE TONS YES THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINNEEE. Au where Freaky-Dekey live in Morrison’s and tag “Morrison’s Rulez” Everywhere and not even the Morrison’s crew can stand the tags. Au where Freak and Deke are The Worst Palace Guards ever and make David’s life unintentionally miserable. What if DEKE AND FREAK LIVEDDD then Akkie wants to get them back for the “Akkie’s a twat” bit and a huge prank war ensues.

When you ask your little sweetheart if he wants a McDonalds as a treat (seeing as we were getting Daddy a KFC).

Mam: Do you want a McDonalds treat sweetie?

Monkey-Boy: No.

Mam: Really? Do you want a McDonalds or a KFC Baby?

(Thinking maybe he didn't quite hear or understand me)

Monkey-Boy: No.

On the road approaching McDonalds...

Mam: Right, this is your last chance. Do you want a McDonalds? Yes, or no? If you say 'no' now, then that's it, there will be NO McDonalds after I've driven past it. Do you want a McDonalds Ben?

Monkey-Boy: No (whilst shaking his head for good measure).

We drive past McDonalds...

Monkey-Boy: A McDonalds, yes, McDonalds.

Mam: You said 'no', Mam asked you and asked you and you said 'no', so there is NO McDonalds.

Monkey-Boy: Yes McDonalds.

Mam: You can have a KFC with Dad.

Monkey-Boy: No KFC a Dad. A McDonalds.

I drive away from KFC and start to drive to my hubby's office. Monkey-Boy screams and shouts and kicks the back of my seat all the way there. We arrive. I stop the car.

Monkey-Boy: URRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH! MC-A-DONALDS! MC-A-DONALDS!

Mam: Right that's it - you can get out and stay with Daddy in work now. I've had enough!

Monkey-Boy: No Daddy work. A stay wiv Mam.

I get him out of his car seat, and Uncle Fletch is in Daddy's office.

Mam: Go and tell your Uncle Fletch and Daddy what a horrible Mam you've got.

The little sod goes in the office. Shuts up. Sits on his Dad's lap and is an absolute angel for the entire time we're there. He eats his chicken and some chips with no fuss.

Uncle Fletch: Have you got a nasty Mam Benny Boy?

Monkey-Boy: (Stops eating) Yep.(Starts eating again).

I have been looking for him for three hours solid...I was starting to get really worried that she might have gotten him out of the house without me noticing.

But just as I was about to give up for today, I found him. He was in the bottom of a big box of Leg/Duplo.