#toadjump

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Toadjump managed to pull through long enough for any worry that he would fade to diminish significantly. His bandages still needed to be changed frequently, though not as often as Birchspark would have liked, given their lack of resources. It was with luck that Toadjump’s companion, who Birchspark now knew was named Eaglefluff, was able to collect what he could while Birchspark and Doebur, the she-cat, stayed with his patient.

Now, after four days of unconsciousness followed by brief moments of wake, Toadjump stirred, and Birchspark was immensely relieved and uncomfortable.

Doebur, lying with him, shot up. “Is he waking?” Before Birchspark could answer, she spoke to Toadjump. “Toad, Toad, can you hear me? Wake up, dear.”

Toadjump groaned, blinking. His focusing eyes told them that he wouldn’t fall asleep again. 

Eaglefluff, with perfect timing, padded into the den with a clump of waterlogged moss. “I got some–” he dropped it to the floor and rushed to Toadjump’s side. “Is he waking?” 

“I’m waking,” Toadjump confirmed in a sore voice. Slowly, he lifted his head. “Where am I?” He turned his head to look around him, freezing when he saw Birchspark. A range of emotions flashed in his eyes–shock, fear, joy–Joy, why joy? Why was he still so happy to see him? Why did that pain Birchspark more than the fear?

“Hi, Birchspark!...” Toadjump gave a weak smile. He opened his mouth to say something else, but evidently could not think of anything. 

Birchspark couldn’t, either.

Doebur stared at the two of them. “You know each other?”

Eaglefluff tilted his head. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are you friends?” Doebur asked.

No, Birchspark wanted to answer immediately, but something held it back. “Give us some space,” he said instead. “We need to talk alone.”

The two of them looked at him, then to Toadjump. “Go, I’ll be okay,” he reassured them. 

Slowly and hesitantly, the two left the den, rubbernecking as they went. “We’ll be right outside,” Eaglefluff told them. Birchspark heard the secret message there–If he tries something, we’re right here. As if he didn't just spend almost a week saving him. He knew some part of him was bothered that he was thought of as a potential threat to Toadjump--physically or, more likely, emotionally, but he didn't dwell on it.

Then the two cats were gone, and suddenly the den was overflowing with tangible tension. Neither cat wanted to speak first, neither could find the right words. What was there to say? He gave his pelt a shake. Just talk to him like a patient.

“You were unconscious for four days, plus a half including today. You were badly injured: your leg is broken and your body is badly torn. You’ll need your bandages replaced often and each time you do, keep an eye out for infection. Nothing has set in yet, but we can never be too careful.”

Toadjump scanned his body. “There was a cat…” He trailed off. Likely, he was thinking of whoever had done this to him. “No, it was…two?...I can’t remember…”

“By the looks of you, I’d say two or three. Then again–” He cut himself off. Then again, a newly-named apprentice with their eyes closed and ears stuffed with moss could best you in any activity you can name, unless you want to count pastimes such as ‘annoying your former mentor,’ ‘wasting my herbs,’ or ‘who can talk the longest?’

He hadn’t spoken to Toadjump like that since before he found Toadjump poisoning moss. It was how he bantered, how he showed love. Now was not the time for it. He shouldn’t be wanting to talk like that anyway, given the fact that he hates Toadjump.

He does hate him.

Doesn’t he?

“Thanks for saving my–uhm–afterlife.” Toadjump was looking at his paws.

“Your mate did all the work.” Birchspark shrugged. “She and your friend are the ones who carried your sorry tail to my den, got you water and medicine, cleaned your fur.”

“You were just here for the entertainment, then?” Toadjump cracked a smile. Birchspark smiled too, before realizing what he was doing and pulling it back. “Uhm, what mate?”

Birchspark blinked. “Doebur, the brown she-cat.”

Toadjump shuffled, changing into a more comfortable position. “Oh! She’s just a friend.”

“Could have had me fooled. She never left your side.”

“Four days straight?”

“Four days straight.”

“Eaglefluff got the medicine, then?”

“He was in to drop off whatever he collected, then out again collecting more.”

“That was nice of them.” Toadjump frowned. “That doesn’t sound like a good response. It’s too shallow. They–Four days? Of just staying with me or constantly moving, just for me?”

Birchspark nodded.

“Stars, how will I ever make it up to them?”

“By the sounds of it, they were settling a debt owed to you. Said you helped them.”

“There’s no payment needed, I just did what I’m meant to do.”

There it is. That rage, that sorrow, bubbling up. But it was smaller than before, as if the emotions, too, were tired of this. 

“And I have to, right? To make up for what I did. I don’t regret killing those cats, I mean I don’t think I do. It’s…It’s hard to tell. Life feels so much different when you’re dead. Dying doesn’t seem so much of a big deal anymore. Not to say it’s not a big deal! But–just–It doesn’t eat at me. It should, shouldn’t it? Killing eight cats, even terrible ones…But it just…I don’t not feel guilty, but I…I don’t know.” He paused for several long moments that seemed to stretch an eternity each. Birchspark waited, hardly moving. “My mindset now is so different from then. I remember what I thought, the conclusions I came to, the suspicions, the justification. But other than that it’s…like a different cat.”

A blip, Birchspark thought. Hoped. “Who am I talking to, then?” Birchspark asked, millions of questions in one sentence.

Toadjump looked uncertain, his eyes flicking back and forth as if looking for something. Then he gave Birchspark a hopeful smile. “A friend?”

“Acquaintance.”

“A surrogate son?”

Birchspark flattened his ears and made a face. “Acquaintance.”

“A former apprentice you’re proud to have trained?”

“You’re about to become an enemy.”

Toadjump waved a paw. “Okay, okay! Acquaintance.”

The two of them smiled again, and this time it held. For the first time in years, there was some semblance of peace between them. The icy claws of grief and the fiery burn of anger faded to a dull, hardly noticeable hum. For the first time in a long time, Birchspark didn’t feel so cold.

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NEXT

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--I'll admit I don't like how this feels rushed considering the previous stories were Birch and Toad first meeting again and, well, you saw how bad things were. But this was written more to see Toad and his relationship with Doe and Eagle, so it is far in the future from the last time we saw Birch and Toad. Many seasons have passed since then. We'll see more of the inbetween at some point, and it's not smooth sailing from here.

--I imagine Eaglefluff and Doebur secretly listening in (at least Doebur, Eagle might have wanted to give them their space but Doebur is the need-to-know-the-drama type of gal). So they, or at least Doebur, heard what Birchspark said.

--Not sure yet if Doebur and Eaglefluff know about what Toadjump did, maybe he told them back when Eagle was ill because they wanted to know what his deal was before they let him help (or they didn't have a choice, here's a medicine cat and you need one right now sort of situation). If not, well then Doebur is sure curious about some more things she heard.

--Birchspark assumed Doebur was Toad's mate and not both Doe AND Eagle or Eagle because he's still used to the Clan's way of living, where only toms get with she-cats in monogamous relationships (because having kits is important and secures the Clan's future and all that). Also because of Doebur's usage of "dear," but she just talks like that.

When Eagle and Doe both become Toad's mate, he'd be like "oh okay cool." Actually no he'd say damn two cats want you? Have you been giving them herbs that make them lose their common sense, eyesight, and smell?

--Birchspark waiting to be told their names instead of just asking, because he's like that.

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Doebur hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what she overheard. Questions and thoughts fluttered around in her mind like a nest of butterflies, echoing the anxiety that burrowed itself in her gut. With it, though, was excitement.

She wasn’t exactly sure why, but she was happy. 

A flattened trail in the long dead grass showed where she had been pacing. She needed to talk to Eaglefluff and Toadjump, but she knew that if she didn’t think first and properly collect her thoughts, she would blurt out whatever it was she was thinking in whatever random order it came in–and in this case, with the ideas and thoughts coming to her mind, she really wanted to say it right. So she paced, swishing her tail and muttering, for what must have been hours because when Toadjump appeared from the den, she froze and looked at him, and realized only then how sore her paws were.

Eaglefluff, who had been watching his mate, hurried to meet him. “Everything okay? You were in there a while.”

Toadjump’s shoulders slumped, but he didn’t look upset or tired. If anything, he looked as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of him. “Couldn’t be better.”

“It could be!” Doebur cut in excitedly, then slapped a paw over her mouth. Idiot!

Both Eaglefluff and Toadjump looked at her, surprised. Eaglefluff’s expression was tinged with worry, probably from having watched Doebur’s muttering pace. She got like that sometimes, and he knew he just needed to let her go through it.

“What could be better, honey?” 

“Uuuhhhh…” Shit. All thoughts she had worked to collect fled like fearful mice, leaving her mind empty as she wondered what she should say. “Let’s move somewhere more private.”

Toadjump began to head back into the den. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“No!” Doebur exclaimed quickly. “I mean, uh, it involves you, you should come with us.” Immediately, Doebur wondered if that was a mistake. She should talk to her mate first, shouldn’t she? That was the proper thing to do. Too late now, she decided to be careful with what she said.

Toadjump looked into the den. “Birch won’t want me going too far with my bandages, and I probably shouldn’t leave the clearing with my leg.”

“How else can you leave the clearing?” Eaglefluff asked sincerely. 

“Is he asleep?” Doebur asked. She suspected she would have heard the grumpy tom by now if he wasn’t.

“Yeah.”

“Then we should be safe at the edge of the clearing.”

“Okay…”

The cats moved over, Toadjump curious, Eaglefluff confused, both of them concerned, and Doebur desperately trying to remember her earlier thoughts as the field’s edge grew too close too fast. 

Then they were there, and both toms were looking at her.

Okay. Start with something easier. 

“What did you do to get here?”

Toadjump’s eyes widened, while Eaglefluff quietly said, “we brought him here.”

“To the Dark Forest, love,” Doebur patiently explained. Now understanding, Eaglefluff turned his curious eyes to Toadjump.

Toadjump couldn’t look at them, instead finding a particular blade of grass off to the side very fascinating. “I may or may not have definitely killed my patients.”

“Eight of them?”

Toadjump’s gaze flicked to her, surprised. 

Doebur smiled sheepishly. “I may or may not have overheard.”

“I may or may not have told her not to.”

“I may or may not have not listened.”

Toadjump smiled awkwardly. “I may or may not be very confused right now.”

“Right.” Doebur shook her head. “We won’t judge you or anything. My cousin, well she’s a whole thing, and Eaglefluff’s mothers all earned their places here. I just..want to know.”

Toadjump dipped his head, and took a deep breath. “Okay, well…” he explained to them what he had done to each cat, his reasonings at the time and the conclusions he came to, and how he truly believed it was the right thing. Then, with some questions about Birchspark, he explained how his mentor had been furious, unable to forgive Toadjump for his crimes until just today.

“That all seems pretty reasonable,” Eaglefluff said when he was finished. “Considering the stuff other cats do to get here. But I only know this, so my judgement might be off.”

“You don’t regret it?” Doebur already knew the answer, she heard it, and she didn’t frankly care either way, but for some reason the question spilled out.

“I think I just want to move on from it.”

“We can do that,” Eaglefluff offered. 

“Yeah,” Doebur agreed. “Let’s change the subject to…So you were a medicine cat. What made you choose that path? We never talked about it before.”

Toadjump appeared to think. “I guess it just pulled me.”

“No worries about not having a mate then?” Doebur smiled, hoping to show that she was joking, definitely not checking anything.

“Oh many crushes. Some things just felt more important, I guess.”

“I get that….How about now?”

Toadjump blinked.

Doebur tried to look casual, like she wasn’t burning under her fur. “You’re not held back by the code anymore. Any cat interests you? She-cats? Toms?”

Eaglefluff gave his mate a confused, but open, look, then watched Toadjump, simply curious. Wait..were his eartips darker?

“I’m gonna be careful with she-cats from now on. A surprisingly high number of them have protective mates who don’t care that you didn’t know any better. And toms…” Toadjump trailed off. Apparently, he wasn’t sure of the answer.

Eaglefluff’s tail wrapped around Doebur’s side. “What if her mate likes you too?”

Toadjump was surprised at that, then his brows furrowed in confusion, then he looked at Eaglefluff and then to Doebur and back again, and finally realization hit. "Oh.”

The trio stayed silent, unsure and unable to speak, for what felt like moons, At last, Toadjump opened his mouth to speak–

“Toadjump! Get your sorry tail back here! I swear, if you damage that splint at all, I’ll tear the leg off you!”

Toadjump stared at Eaglefluff and Doebur. “I–I–”

“Toadjump!”

“Another time,” Toadjump told them, before limping after his old mentor.

The pair watched him go, then when he disappeared into the den after Birchspark, they blinked at each other.

“I guess there are some things we should discuss.”

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--POV change! This time neither Birch nor Toad.

--"Start with something easy" -> "So who did you murder?"

--Was a bit harder to show Eagle's emotional intelligence, but I hope it's clear in how he figures out what Doebur is getting at.

--I thought of this art piece of Eagle and Doebur and wanted to bring back the blushing ears.

It's also why Eagle calls Doe 'honey,' it's the same nicknamed used by the cats the artwork is inspired by (the other nicknames wouldn't work as they're words that cats wouldn't know).

--Doebur can be really smart, but she can get flustered and lose all intelligence sometimes.

--Just realized Birchspark has the same suffix to one of Eagle's mother's prefixes.

--I am very tired writing this.