#tloupartll

Joel showed up three years ago and it was a love at first sight moment between you both. Tommy knew instantly that you’d be a match for his older brother and set you both up to be patrol partners.

Days turned into weeks and then weeks turned into months. Every one of those days, you’d get to know Joel - and vice versa - and your attraction grew for the man with every new detail you came to learn.

Joel loves his coffee. Bitter and strong. He loves country music, playing the guitar effortlessly and singing wonderfully. Loves to craft fine, detailed wood work in his workshop. Loves nature’s natural beauty and hiking whenever he can, whenever it is somewhat safe outside.

He loves his daughters Ellie and Sarah, and he has come to love you too. Many things you’ve come to learn about Joel as you became a part of his family. As you two have become one together.

Your love for him is like no other, and you can only hope that his is the same, because while you sit here reminiscing about the last three years with him, you hope that he can love you enough no matter what this pregnancy test comes back with.

Your eyes sting, needing to release the tears that you are holding back. Your stomach churns with dread for the outcome of being pregnant, all while you wait for those lines to appear on the stick.

It was three months ago that you think is where the unprotected deed happened between you both. It had to be on that night when you two were drunk.

Drunkenly in love and dancing around in the kitchen, giggling with him when he twirled you around on the spot and brought your back flush against his chest.

Swaying softly, Joel’s crotch grinded into you in just the right way and it started with a simple kiss of the lips. His hands were placed atop of your own, over your stomach while you tilted your head to kiss him.

A soft, chaste peck of the lips while his beard tickled your face nicely and when he placed one of those big, handsome calloused hands, that you love, across your face with his thumb to your chin and opened your mouth, he licked your tongue in a fervent kiss.

After that… the rest of the night was chemistry.

This was undoubtedly, the longest, hardest five minutes of your life. You thought hard about Joel and how much you love him. The idea of being pregnant with his baby is both thrilling and scary.

Picturing him or her running around sharing both your features is enough to bring happy tears to your eyes, but then, your mind of course wanders into what Joel might say.

Sitting on the toilet seat, eyes trained on the test while you wait for the kitchen timer to set off, you’re in a deep trance of thought.

That pit in your stomach drops when the ringing buzzes out. A single tear finally rolls down your cheek when you stop it and turn to the test. Hands shaking as you reach out and grab it, you stare down at the results.

Two lines.

Two, very clear, very prominent, distinct red lines. A visible confirmation that you are indeed pregnant. Your heart begins to pound in your ears. Is it anxiety or excitement?

You can’t quite place what emotion you were feeling the most but whichever one it was that was fogging your mind so much, it caused you to not hear the bathroom door open.

“Darlin’?” Only the soft, raspy southern drawl of Joel’s voice could penetrate your mind and you looked up at him. His brows furrowed, skin drained in color and eyes emotionless as he looked between you and the test held in your hands.

Visibly gulping, you cleared your throat to speak but the words couldn’t fall off your tongue and it seemed as though Joel couldn’t form the words either. You both stared at each other tensely and you watched his face contort into a scowl.

That scowl you’ve seen a thousand times already. He is angry. He shook his head at you, expressing regret and turned his back then left.

Joel left you.

Shaking. Crying. Hysterical with tears. Joel left you in your bathroom in this state without so much as a word. Only the sound of your front door slamming shut is what you heard ringing throughout your home. A slam that has severed your relationship.

*One Month Later*

“Hey-hey.. C’mon now Y/N, stop that sweety,” Maria’s voice hummed through the bedroom door, trying to soothe you as you bawl to yourself under the covers of her blankets.

She pushed the door open and entered. Perching herself to the edge of her bed, she placed a hand to your shoulder and leant down to whisper in your ear, softly “stop crying sweetheart. It’s not good for you or the baby”

Peeling your face out from the pillow, face flushed and eyes red, you muttered back, “you mean the baby he doesn’t want?”

Laying on your back, you kept your eyes trained on the ceiling but they closed and you wept when her two small hands lay gently on your small bump.

“Do you want this baby?” her question had your eyes snapping open to look at her. Fury behind your tone when you answered, “Of course I fucking do. What sort of question is that?”

She smiled at you, thankfully she understood your hormonal state, Maria smiled and brought your hand to your stomach, holding it there with you while she spoke again, “Then she or he is all you need. You have everyone here in Jackson with you, Y/N. I know it hurts, I know - shhh. Stop crying now honey.”

Comforting you as you began to hyperventilate, you muttered between pain stricken breaths, “but he’s not with me. I want Joel with me…” Maria lay down with you, nestling your head to her chest and cuddling you while you wept.

That day you found out about your pregnancy was the day you moved here in her home. Joel had come home late that evening and it erupted into an argument about how you and him were reckless. He blamed you for not noticing it sooner, as if he were insinuating that termination was even a fucking option.

Sarah was the main focus of the quarrel and the fuel behind his heat of the moment words.

Painful and angering to your ears, you understood why he was scared of this pregnancy, but it angered you at the same time. Joel has lived through the god awful experience of losing his child, an experience he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy.

Something he wishes to never, ever, go through again. That you understand. However, you couldn’t wrap your head around, nor forgive him, for saying ‘this was a mistake’.

That ended the argument and you left him. Walking to Maria’s home and disturbing her in the dead of night, Tommy had left to go reprimand his brother while she stayed and comforted you, and she has been doing that everyday for the last month since then. She and Tommy took you in, fed you and have been gathering the essentials for your baby.

Your heart is utterly shattered. It falls apart more and more each time you look at the beautiful half moon baby crib, a lucky and precious item to find in this world, or the pretty different coloured baby clothes, and you yearn for Joel.

You knew that he would be upset because of what happened with Sarah, but you never anticipated that he would act this way. That he would reject you and his baby.

I didn’t really know him at all - you supposed to yourself on many lonely nights without him by your side.

How could he leave me? Me and our baby? Crying yourself to sleep every night, endlessly asking these questions, your love for Joel was withering away and hate was taking its place. Hate is a strong word and you never imagined that those thoughts would cross your mind.

Yet here you are.

Tiring yourself out through your hysteria, you fall asleep against Maria and she carefully peels herself out from your side then pulls the covers over your shoulders. She spent a moment looking at you, her heart broke for you and she was angry too.

Today, she had finally convinced you to get out of the house. Accompany her while doing her leadership duties around Jackson and get a well needed breath of fresh air. Only those closest to you know about the pregnancy, but Maria could tell by the way people gawked and whispered at you that people knew.

Still, you held your head high and ignored the looks. Maria smiled proudly at that but you crumbled when you saw Joel.

Coming back from a patrol with his brother, Joel and you looked at each other from across the street. You wanted him to run to you. Sweep you off your feet in a tight hug and apologize till the end of time - but he didn’t.

Instead, his eyes were glossed over and he dropped his head before leading his horse away into the stables. You tried to act unbothered but it was another stab to your heart and you walked back to Maria’s home, distraught and upset.

Maria looked over your sleeping form, hand perched under your cheek as you lay on your side and she was furious with her brother in law for what he was putting you through.

Leaving the room quietly, she left you to sleep through the pain and went to find Joel. To give him a peace of her mind because it seems even after a month, her husband Tommy can’t seem to talk some sense into him.

Finding the Miller brothers at Joel’s home - sitting on the porch drinking a beer - Maria stomped her way up his steps and yelled at Tommy to sit back down when he stood. Glaring at Joel, who was avoiding her gaze, her jaw ticked and she nodded, “you happy with yourself there, Joel?”

“Don’t..” Joel brought the bottle to his lips and took a sip, then lowered it to look at Maria, adding to that, “...Please. I don’t want to talk about it, Maria.”

Maria looked at Tommy, cocking her head for him to leave, so he stood and walked to the bottom of the path.

Turning her attention back to Joel, she spoke one last time before leaving too and said, “We’re your family Joel. Y/N is pregnant, laying in my bed, crying over your dumbass. You don’t want to talk? Fine. But that woman is four months pregnant with your child. So man the fuck up and at least act like you care.”

Walking away from him and joining Tommy, the steam was blowing out of her ears as she walked home. She turned to her husband and asked, “what the fuck have you been doing this last month?”

“Being a brother. Joel is… complicated, Maria. Gonna take time to pull down those walls that he has built for the last twenty years” he replied.

“Well we ain’t got the luxury of time on our hands do we?” she barked back and Tommy wrapped his arms around her waist, whispering into a kiss on her cheek, “Hey now, we can’t be arguing about this. He’ll come around, baby. I know he will.”

“I hope so, Tommy cause’ Y/N is taking it really rough without him.”

Tommy nodded at her, expressing a reassuring smile and took her hand as they walked home together. They thought about ways they could cheer you up tonight, maybe play some board games, listen to music on the record player or just… be a family.

*On the porch with Joel*

Joel sat his beer down after Maria left. It was tasteless as the rest of the things in his daily life lately. Each day when he woke, everything was dull without you there.

He’s been avoiding his family the best he could for the last month, knowing that they will talk about his personal problems with you and it has pained him severely to not see your or Ellie.

He knows that Ellie has been with you everyday at Tommy’s house and he is thankful that she has been there, but he’s also ashamed of himself that his daughter has been picking up his slack.

Joel has been overwhelmed with emotions, so much so that now he is feeling rather numb. He regrets everything he said that night, wished for every second since then that he could take it back.

There was no justifying his actions. You’re a sorry excuse of a man - is what he would tell himself frequently over the course of twenty years.

Ever since his daughter was killed, he had lost himself since then, lost himself in this world of death and despair, to never return. Until Ellie came along.

She reminded him that he can be human again, that he could open up and let people in. To love someone. To love you.

‘No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for’ – Words that he has recited to his daughter when talking over their survivors' guilt.

Ellie is his reason for living. His daughter. His child. She was the push Joel needed to keep going in life and he was blessed to meet you shortly after moving into Jackson.

You became a part of his family, and the reasons to live again were growing more each day he got to know you. So, how could he ever be stupid enough to turn away the chance at having a baby with you? Another beautiful daughter, or even a charming son?

Joel isn’t good enough, that’s why.

He’s already on thin ice with Ellie because of the fireflies and he thinks it’s best that the little baby growing in your tummy is better off without him - him being a dangerous man where nothing but darkness follows him.

His baby is better off without a father that has killed innocents at one point in his lifetime. The best thing Joel can do is gather all of the baby stuff and keep Jackson safe for you and his child.

So this last month he has been taking extra patrol shifts and grabbing items along the way, passing them off to his brother to give to you instead. Each time he would scavenge something out on his shift, he would stop to look at the small items held in his large hands.

A simple tiny Babygro would render him absolutely weak in the knees, heart exploding with love and although he tells himself that he wouldn’t be good enough for his own child, Joel crafted the baby crib with his bare hands. Putting every inch of love and care into the detail and support of the half moon shaped frame.

Ensuring it was secure yet fashionable too. He went with the dark mahogany and carved out little stars. Making use of those star cut-outs, he shaved them down to thinner pieces and hung them on strings.

So, although he thinks he isn't a good enough father, Joel put a lot of fatherly love and effort into crafting the crib. Only the best woodwork for his baby girl or boy.

Yeah... Joel isn’t good enough.

Blowing out a half drunken, half mentally exhausted sigh, he stood and emptied out his beer bottle before heading inside.

There’s been too many inner battles in his mind this last half hour while sitting on his porch, reflecting on the last month without you and he needs to rest his eyes.

Taking himself to his room, he grabs one of your sweaters from the wardrobe and lays in bed with it. Bunching up the fabric under his nose and taking a deep inhale.

I miss you baby. Every damn minute, of every hour of every day. I miss you.

Something he whispers to himself within the darkness of his room. It’s a little early to sleep, being seven pm at night, Joel wakes up in the early hours of the morning the next day at around five am.

The smell of you still lingers around him in the sheets and when his eyes opened another day without you there, it was becoming too much.

He couldn’t cope without you but he can’t talk about how he feels either. So he will struggle through another day and go on like nothing is wrong.

*You*

Stirring in your sleep, you shuffled around within Maria’s blankets and slowly pulled yourself to sit up.

Maria’s bed in her spare bedroom for guests was lovely but it was nothing compared to your own bed. It’s because Joel isn’t here, placing his hand somewhere, anywhere, on your body like he does every night.

Looking at the clock beside your bed, you can see that it is just after five am and this is another day of broken sleep, waking up early in the night without him by your side.

It was hard. Really fucking hard to pretend like everything is fine when it is in fact, not fine at all.

Taking yourself to the bathroom, you ran a wet rag across your body quickly - not wanting to turn the shower on and wake up Maria or Tommy - then got dressed.

Slipping your shoes on, then grabbing an extra set of clothes, you quietly made your way down stairs and grabbed your walkie before heading out the front door. You aren’t spending another day locked up inside this house, grieving.

You're not going to spend another sad day in Jackson for that matter. You’re going to take a ‘me and Ellie’ day. However, you want to go get her without Joel seeing you, so you radio her beforehand to see if she is awake. When she talks back, confirming that she is awake, you offer her to go to the ‘special place’.

“Fuck. Yes. Hang on, I’ll get dressed and meet you at the gate” her voice crackled back through the walkie, bringing a smile to your face and you did as she instructed.

Walking towards the gate, Dave was on guard duty today. Thank god. You explained to him that you’re heading out with Ellie.

He didn’t dare protest to a pregnant woman, a sad hormonal pregnant woman, so he handed you some guns and asked, “my head will be hung if anything goes wrong, so please don’t make me regret this and radio if you need me, girl, ok?”

You liked Dave. He was a good guy, always very sweet with you and very caring too.

Making small talk with you, he asked how you were and also asked if he could see your baby bump. His excitement brought a sad smile to your face. You wished Joel would be this excited. He slipped away on his break after you made your promise to be safe, again, and waited for Ellie to get there.

How could he know someone has sneaked out while on break?

Walking outside the walls, you walked alongside Ellie with eagerness in each step. Today was going to be fun, you were adamant about that. There’s a small woodland area about a hundred clicks outside the gate, inside that area was a river with a waterfall. A place you, Ellie and Joel would go to when you both taught her how to swim.

Being summer, the sun was already making its way out, although it wasn’t as warm as you hoped just yet, a couple more hours and the shine would be raining down on you both, bringing the heat with it.

When you reached the treeline, you and Ellie looked at each other with bright smiles, “ready?” You asked, to which she responded cheerfully, “Ohhh yes. This has been long overdue.”

After a little while of walking, you reached the waterfall and sat on the edge of a rock with Ellie. She pulled out some sandwiches from her backpack that she had graciously made before leaving her little house behind Joel’s.

Cheese and tomato with a smear of mayo, it was delicious. Eating with her, you and Ellie talked, and talked about everything other than your problems with her dad.

It was nice. Really fucking nice to just relax and feel normal again, especially with Ellie. She’s your daughter too and when she asks to see you baby bump, your excitement outgrows your sadness.

Taking off your hoodie, she gasps at the sight of your small rounded tummy. “Can I?” offering her hand out and being ever so sweet and considerate to ask beforehand, you nod to her and she feels your stomach.

Soft and firm to the touch, she rubs her small hands across your baby bump and the smile creeps up your face. “I think… you’re having a girl” Ellie mutters, smiling back at you.

Humming to her in response, you lean back onto your hands and swing your legs off the side of the rock you both were sitting on and your eyes widen when noticing a shadow in the trees.

“Grab your gun, Ellie!” Practically throwing yourself over to your backpack, you retrieved your weapon and aimed it at the trees but the ‘shadow’ stepped out.

It was Joel.

You looked to Ellie for help with your eyes and she saw the look you were giving her. Standing up, she told you to stay put while she headed down to see him.

Mouthing the words ‘thankyou’ to her before she left you sitting on the rock, you avoided his gaze and instead turned your attention to watching the waterfall.

In the corner of your eye, you could see them debating and bickering about something - no doubt, about you - but they were keeping their voices low, so you wouldn’t hear. After a couple moments, he started making his way up to you while Ellie stayed down there.

Low grunts escaped his lips from behind you where he was climbing and then the soft scrape of his boots got closer before they stopped right beside you. Still not looking at him, Joel sighed and plonked himself down by your side, then muttered quietly, “hey, you”

‘Hey you’, really Joel?

Not answering back, you darted your head around to look at him when he tried to touch your hand and you barked out a no.

He looked hurt that you would pull back from his touch but you were too angry to feel pity for him and you told him so, “A month, Joel. A whole month and you think you can just saunter your ass up here, ‘hey you’ and get to touch me?... No.”

Blowing out a mentally exhausted exhale, your face was flushing with irritation. You want nothing more to lean over and hug him. You miss him so much and you want his arms wrapped around you. He is right there.

Why now… Why not yesterday in the street when I needed you… Asking him in your head, you looked away again as the tears pricked at your eyes. You’ve had enough of crying and you can’t look at his face.

“I don’t expect your forgiveness, Y/N. What I did was wrong and… It’s hard but I will respect every and all demands that you make. Even if that is if you don’t want to see me” he tried to apologize and you still couldn’t bring yourself to look into those hazel eyes.

“If you allow me to, I would like to make this right between us. For our baby’s sake, darlin’” That was it. The words ‘our baby’ leaving his mouth had your hardened, angry façade crumbling.

He shuffles beside you, looking down to his hands while fidgeting with his watch. Sarah’s watch. Wiping away the tear that fell down your cheek, you nod to him in response and move to stand.

Joel jumps up and helps you. Standing back from him and looking in his eye, you thank him and nod, saying “Ok. For our baby’s sake…” This is just the start on the path of forgiveness.

In the position you were standing in, you could see Ellie smiling at you over his shoulder. He flashed you a smile with hopeful eyes and you acted on a still very angry impulse, shoving Joel into the water below. He landed with a loud splash and Ellie hurled over with fits of laughter.

He came up from the surface, chuckling “I deserved that.” Looking up at you, he asked with optimism in his tone, “did that help?”

You shook your head side to side then turned away to climb down from the rock. With your back turned, you let yourself smile without him seeing while Ellie kept giggling about you pushing him into the water.

With the sun higher in the sky now, the light and warmth was shining down and you asked her if she still wanted to take a dip.

When she said yes, Joel got out of the water and sat on the edge while you both pulled off your jackets, shoes and socks. She stepped closer to the edge, dipping her toes in first then turned to look at you. Holding her hand out, you took it and walked into the water. It was great.

Really cool yet the warmth on your back from the sun was lovely. The water rolled off Joel’s hair as he sat and watched you in awe. His eyes trained on your stomach.

The water made your shirt cling to your glowing skin and he could see a clear outline of your bump. You’re beautiful, Y/N. He smiled at you, even though you weren’t looking, Joel kept smiling as you walked further into the water and swam with Ellie.

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you as you splashed around, you knew he would’ve loved to join you both, just like old times when you two would teach Ellie to swim.

You wanted it to be like that, so you turned your head to look at him and beckoned him to join. Standing and kicking off his shoes, Joel pulled his shirt off and made his way inside the water.

Soon as he reached you and Ellie, you both shoved the water into his direction and swam away, giggling like little kids. When you turned your head to look at him, he wasn’t there and you yelled to Ellie, “look out. He’s tagging!”

It’s a game you three would play. Joel, you or Ellie would dive and tag someone. The water was dark so you never knew where the tagger would be. It was fun and exciting and you laughed when Ellie jerked from Joel tagging her, then she dove under and you swam away, knowing that she is coming after you.

This went on for a solid ten minutes as the three of you alternated between tagging each other. Seeing Joel get tagged again, you swam away towards the waterfall and dove under to the other side.

When you came up, you turned around to see him right behind you. His lips crashed onto yours with a deep sigh but you pulled away thinking that it was too soon.

Holding his shoulders and looking into his warm eyes for a moment, you closed your eyes and pulled him in. Life is too short and you missed his touch like crazy.

Gently holding your head in his large hands, the kiss was heated and desperate, but short lived as you pulled back again and muttered, “c’mon, let’s head back out to Ellie.”

Joel brushed his thumb across your bottom lip before placing his forehead to your own. Voice dripping with guilt, he mumbled, “I’m sorry, baby.” Pecking his cheek once, you replied back curtly, “I know you are” and then dunked under the surface.

Kicking your legs off the wall to swim back under the waterfall, you kept on swimming until you found Ellie. Tapping her on the leg before coming back up, you laughed to her, “You’re it.. I’m tired, sweety. I need a rest.”

Both of you swam to the edge and got out, while Joel re-emerged from the water. Grabbing your spare set of clothes, you and Ellie got dried and dressed in the trees before stepping back out. Then Joel walked out of the water, however he didn’t have a spare set of clothes.

Walking home together, he walked ahead - sopping wet - as you and Ellie stifled your giggles at him. She whispers, “you guys ok now?” to which you whispered back, “hm, a little. He’s gotta step up as a father first.”

Ellie smirked mischievously, “you don’t know do you?” When you furrowed your brows at her, clearly not knowing what she was talking about, she spilled, “Joel got you the baby stuff. He built the crib too.”

I should have known, you thought to yourself. The attention to detail and the beauty of the woodwork on the crib was on another level. It was Joel’s level of craftsmanship.

You looked to Ellie with another sad smile and then looked back at him. The urge to just walk up to him and pull him in for a tight hug was strong. But not as strong as the kick you felt, making you stop walking and hold onto Ellie, exclaiming “Oh, wow!”

Panicked by your gasp, she immediately called for Joel and you reassured them both as they crowded you. The smile was tearing across your face as you took Ellie’s hand and placed it on your stomach to feel the baby kicking.

Joel watched you both, also smiling, but you could see the pain and desire behind his eyes to hold you as well, so you reached your hand out for him too.

“Oh man! She’s kicking the shit out of you right now.” Ellie preened excitedly.

Looking at Joel, your heart could have leapt out from your chest at the sight of him. His eyes were wide and glossed over, mouth agape while he felt his baby moving around in your tummy.

It was a long, wonderful minute of love while you all felt the movement before she/he settled again. It was a core memory that you would not forget, the first time that your baby kicked.

“We should head back..” You suggested out loud and Ellie dropped her hand. Walking ahead of you while Joel still had his hand placed over your stomach, you could see he was hesitant to let go so you placed your hands atop of his own for a few moments longer.

Smiling at him, his voice broke as he thanked you for allowing him to join in on the experience. You told him it was ok.

Setting out today in hopes of having a good day and it did. it turned out great. Perfect actually.

When you reached the gates of Jackson, Joel told you to go ahead while he spoke with Dave and you warned him that it was not his fault, you lied on Dave’s behalf and said that you snuck out while he was on break.

Joel smiled, “um-hum. Ok I won’t get mad at him, I promise.”

“Hey, thanks for radioing me and letting me know about this.” Joel spoke first when you walked away from him. Dave smiled back, then looked at you as you walked with Ellie towards home, muttering, “My pleasure. Go get your girl back, dumbass.”

Joel chuckled, “don’t push it Dave,” then shook his hand before catching up with you two.

It’s his life mission to get you back in his arms and watch you grow with his baby. Joel loves you and he hopes that your love will let him back in. He knows it won't happen overnight, so when you said you would be staying at Maria’s house, he understood and walked you there.

Over the course of the next two weeks your stay at Maria’s house, moved to Ellie’s. You wanted to be closer to him and so did he. It progressed each day. Slowly but surely, you were letting him in and nearing the end of the second week you were the one that broke first.

Ellie was at Dina’s for the night, leaving you in her home on your lonesome. Which was fine except you couldn’t sleep. All night, you tossed and you turned in the bed.

Your sleep has been like this for the six weeks as a matter of fact and it was because you needed him. So you stopped torturing yourself - and Joel - and got out of bed in the middle of the night.

When you creeped into your house and walked upstairs to the bedroom, you saw that Joel was in his workshop, working on something. Tapping on the door, he swerved around in his seat and worried, “Darlin? What’s wrong? Everything ok? Is the baby ok?”

Leaning against the doorframe, you croaked “I can’t sleep. That’s all.”

Joel turned and placed a cover over his project then stood. Walking up to stand in front of you, he brushed a hand over his beard and asked, “You want me to make hot cocoa? Go lay in your bed, I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom.”

“Our bed…” you whispered to him. Looking up to his eyes, you smiled shyly and offered your hand out, which he took, then pulled him in for a hug.

The smell of him was intoxicating. Coffee and wood. Burying your nose into his chest, you took deep inhales while he battled with himself to wrap his arms around you. You could feel him lift his arms but drop them again and you know he is just trying to respect your wishes of taking this slow.

However, you needed him.

“Take me to our bed Joel,” leaning up on your tiptoes, you met his lips with a searing kiss. He was taken by surprise at first, standing there tense and frozen but when it resonated with him that his lady was kissing him again, he finally wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed you back.

“I haven’t been able to sleep without, baby” he mumbled into your mouth. Holding you while he carefully walks you back to the bedroom, you pull at the buttons on his shirt, muttering back “Me too. I’ve missed this.. Missed you.”

Opening up his shirt, you desperately ran your hand across his chest. Touching his skin that you’ve thought about everyday day and night you’ve been without him.

He pulled his shirt all the way off and leaned down into the kiss, running his hands under your shirt up your back. Feeling your skin too. You each missed the contact. You also missed the feeling of his hardening length poking into you, just like it is now.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed while kissing him still, Joel knelt to the floor and placed himself firmly between your legs, wrapping his huge strong arms around your back and pulling you in, gentle enough not to squish your tummy. He groaned, “baby… Can I show you how much I missed you?”

When you nodded frantically, whimpering with the need of his touch, he began pulling off your shirt. Kissing his way down your neck and reaching the exposed flesh of your breasts from your bra, he placed wet kisses to your skin and unhooked it at the back.

Laying you down, Joel stops to look at your breasts. They’ve grown.. They’re bigger.

“They’re sensitive, baby, so be careful please,” you exhaled a frustrated sigh to him. Joel heard this and lightly licked around your swollen nipple, taking the bud into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. He moved over to your other nipple and elicited the same treatment.

But he got a surprise when he tasted milk on his tongue and instead of pulling away, Joel sucked lightly and watched your brows pull together in bliss, back arching off the bed from the ease of tension on your breast.

Releasing your hardened nipple with a pop, he licked his lips and moved down your body some more. Knuckles were turning white as he gripped the edge of the bed from hearing you keen at his touch.

Your hands darted out to his hair as he peppered lots of loving kisses around your stomach, mumbling between each kiss, “…Look… at this…Beautiful body….carrying my...baby…our baby… I…love...you...Y/N…”

His beard tickled you in all the right ways. It was sensual against your skin and you opened your eyes to look down at him when he stopped. You could see his eyes, over your stomach, half lidded and dark with love, he was whispering against your bump.

When he saw you watching, he laughed “Momma’s looking at me, we’ll talk about this later,” then placed one more kiss to your skin, just below your belly button.

“What are you doing down there, mister?” you asked through hearty chuckles. Joe didn’t answer, he only winked back at you before kissing his way down to your core.

Pulling off your shorts, you moan when he buries his head into the soft curls on your mound, placing one last light kiss to your skin before he looks up at you, he asks, “you sure about this darlin’? I don’t want to pressure you”

“Trust me, I want this as much as you. Please, doll…” Laying your head back into the soft blankets below you, your mouth opened with a silent groan when his warm tongue darted out onto your clit. Lifting your legs gently onto his shoulders, Joel eats your pussy like it's his first meal in years.

“Ohh,” squirming with pleasure above him as he flicks at your clit. Your orgasm, embarrassingly, races towards you quickly. It was powerful though.

You haven’t touched yourself during your break away from Joel so the pent up tensions were extremely high. Joel got the brunt of that when you came into his mouth. His growls and groans into your core told you that he didn’t mind it at all.

But then you cried out his name when he spread your folds and shoved his tongue as far as he could get it inside your pulsing hole. He knew how to make you a weeping mess. Like the back of his hand, Joel knew exactly what you needed and he made you come one more time before pulling away from you.

“Hm, I’ve missed that taste...” he mumbled. Moving up your body, you could see his chin and beard glisten with a mixture of your arousal and his spit.

Pulling him in for a kiss, you got hints of your tangy, sweet desire and his coffee from earlier. You moaned to him, “I need to feel you, Joel.”

Moving up the bed, Joel removes the rest of his clothes and joins you. Kissing your lips again, you babble into his mouth, “w-want to ride you, p-please.”

Granting your wish, Joel lay down on the bed and pulled you onto his crotch. His cock rubbed through your soaked folds wonderfully before you notched him at your entrance.

Sighing deeply into his face as he grunts a sharp breath of air, you sink yourself down onto him fully. Moaning at the phenomenally pleasurable stretch, you began to roll your hips onto him while his fingers dug into your hips.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N. Jesus, darlin’” he was absolutely wrecked beneath you. Eyes darting all over your face and body, Joel couldn’t decide where to settle his gaze.

Your pretty face was expressing nothing but pure bliss. Your breasts bounced lightly with your movements while your round tummy rubbed over his stomach.

Bringing his thumb to his mouth, he sucked on it and brought it down to your clit. Mouth falling open in the shape of an ‘o’ with you from the sensation, your walls fluttered around him and he slipped out a broken moan past his lips, “Nnhgh! S-so fucking t-tight, darlin’”

Gyrating your hips onto his cock, Joel dug his feet into the bed and lifted you slightly, the action made you lean over him, breasts in his face and he took the opportunity to latch his lips around your nipple. You wailed. He hit something deep inside of you while he sucked on your nipple. It was ecstasy and you came, hard.

Clenching around him, you tossed your head back and your movements slowed. Seconds later, your eyes closed to moan again when feeling his hot seed paint your walls.

His hands grabbed handfuls of your ass as he leaned up to kiss your neck. Dropping your head to kiss his lips, you could taste your milk on his tongue and you gasped, “I’m sorry! I didn’t think… shit. Joel. I’m so-”

Silencing your apology with another kiss, Joel grunted “Don’t apologize, I don’t care, darlin. You taste sweet.”

Rolling over gently as he could be, he hooked your thigh over his leg and grinded his hips into you slowly and passionately. Looking into your eyes and watching you fall apart beneath him.

Whimpering into his ear, “I love you,” Joel panted in return, “I love you too. So fucking much!”

Another orgasm was quickly rising and just as you neared that peak again, Joel rested his forehead against your own, shuddering with you as you came together.

The feeling of reaching your orgasm in unison with Joel was marvellous. Your walls pulsed and you could feel his cum filling you up. Laying there together for a few moments, you relished in the afterglow of your love making. Kissing each other again, and again.

***

“Are you ok, handsome?” You asked Joel. Laying behind you in the bathtub, his legs opened with you laying in between, he rested his chin on your neck and nodded. You ask him this because he cried in bed with you. Joel actually cried.

It may have been the heat of the moment or a huge build up of emotions over the last few weeks, but whatever the cause for his spill, you comforted him in every way you could.

It was frightening to see Joel so vulnerable, you’ve never seen him cry before. He wept into your skin, apologizing again and again for what he did to you. He promised that he would spend the rest of his life making it up to you and his baby.

It made you cry yourself and you held onto him as tight as you could, whispering your forgiveness in ear. When you both calmed down, he ran a bath and this is where you are now.

With his hands placed over your stomach, rubbing caringly across your bump, he kissed at your neck and asked, “What do you think we’re having? Little boy or girl?”

“Hmm” You hummed with delight, resting your head back onto his shoulder and turning to look into his eyes, “Maybe a boy….We’re blessed with the gift of life, darling and I couldn’t be happier with you being our baby’s papa.”

Brushing your hair out of your face, Joel wiped your cheek with his thumb, “You’re going to be a wonderful mother, Y/N. That’s what I was whispering into your stomach earlier. I was telling our baby that his/her momma is one hell of a woman and I’m an asshole for not coming to my senses sooner.”

You gasped, jokingly, “Oh my! Not even out of the womb yet and you're cursing in front of our baby? Joel Miller… You asshole.”

The water around you both rippled with your laughter. Then you gasped again with a kick in your stomach, “ha! I think baby Miller agrees”

Joel chuckled into your mouth. Feeling his baby kick against his hands while you both caressed your bump. If it was possible, you’d spend your whole life living in this moment. It was perfect. Everything that you could have hoped to experience in life with Joel, and it was undoubtedly, perfect in every way.

There’s no other place in this world where you would rather be, other than this moment right here with Joel. Kissing him, holding your hands across your baby bump while he whispers how much he loves you and his baby, over and over again like a mantra.

It feels like you are at peace again. Put back together and complete, everything is back to how it should be. It’s home.

You, are home.

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