#tianpha

"He wants one for his closet!" - Dr. Nam being the best wingman and finest friend in all of Pha Pun Do despite Chief Phupha's opinion.

And why is he the best?

Because he gets the job DONE.

YES now take care of yourself bitch!!!!!

Ok, I need to talk about my favorite sequence of scenes from this whole ep (if possibly the whole show so far but we’ll what happens in later eps) 

It is where Tian goes to Khama, then Longtae and Khama talk, and then Longtae goes to Tian. 

(Also, I am sorry but I’m only going to give you pictures for my analysis but they do not do well to fully represent my points, so if you can, please rewatch the scene again.)

So let’s start off with what we know so far: Tian is ostracized from the village, everyone looks at him with pity/anger/sadness/betrayal or straight up doesn’t acknowledge his existence, like he’s a ghost. It is like a knife in his back along with the weight of his guilt. Even the one person he wants to go to doesn’t want to be around him. So Tian seeks out comfort and guidance: Khama, the village chief. 

Below, he is hesitant. Would Khama look at me with betrayal? With disdain? With mistrust? But he believes that Khama would be different because Khama’s shown himself to be a buffer between the villagers and Tian time and time again (when Tian fought Sakda’s men, when he suggested the tea satchels, etc.) Maybe with Khama, Tian can at least have one other person understand (like Longtae). 

It’s very clear the shirt was just an excuse for Tian to talk to Khama. This young man is seeking guidance from someone who always gave him the benefit of the doubt. But it’s difficult for him to let out how he feels. I don’t know exactly what’s running through Tian’s head, but I can take an easy guess: How can I possibly search for closure when the villagers are barely starting to grieve? Who am I to seek comfort when the chief is now having to comfort his people? I’ve brought this pain to this village.

And it hurts to see Tian roll it over in his mind how he is feeling vs how everyone else is feeling & what should take priority. His mouth is making shapes of the words he wants to say but can’t.

Meanwhile we have Khama also trying to give attention to Tian nonverbally, with his body. The way Khama shuffles to appear facing Tian as much as he can without scaring him off, like he’s waiting for the young man to say something, anything, because he knows and understands. He even speaks to him calmly, conversationally like nothing happened. 

At this point, the audience is holding their breath bc is Tian gonna say something else? Is Khama? Will someone come in and interrupt them? But then Tian says “Thank you” which honestly surprised me. Mostly because “I’m sorry” is said when a mistake happens. But for Tian, what he did was on purpose albeit for his own reasons. And “sorry” won’t cut it bc it will feel fake coming out of his mouth. But to say “thank you”? That means more because it’s gratitude that the village tolerated him after what happened and for his previous grievances, that they were patient with him, heck! That they didn’t start throwing stones at him to leave the village once the secret was out! It’s the sincerity of his appreciation towards the village people. 

Anyway, Tian says “thank you” and leaves. 

This part hurts me because we see Khama’s reaction. Khama is a parent who sees a child in need but he knows if Tian doesn’t want to open up, he can’t force him. So instead he watches him go, someone who resembles so much of his own son. He probably even thought of calling him back, to talk to him. 

Then not even a few minutes later, Longtae comes out to where his dad is and Khama gives the shirt to him. 

Now this is where the scene becomes even more amazing! Because here is Tian’s mirror (i’ll do another post about this later if u want but listen) who is also feeling conflicted and restless and seeking comfort and guidance. Thus begins the awkward I’m-waiting-for-you-to-say-something shuffle between the two of them. 

What’s so interesting is that the two already have an understanding, sort of. Father and son, they know each other’s cues by now. So Longtae waits, fiddling with the shirt, not knowing how to put whatever he feels into words but knowing that he needs to do something. So he sighs. 

Khama sees his son and understands that Longtae is waiting. Thus begins the anecdote. 

(again please rewatch the scenes cuz the pictures don’t do it justice and it hurts me) 

This is the peak climax of this sequence because through this anecdote, it can go both ways. It is a story about how the reasons why we do things can sometimes not be of malicious origin, but it is what we need to do to protect ourselves. A story about there being more than one kind of truth. 

It fits for Longtae because it makes him think about how two sides of what Tian told him (“Torfun is dead [..] Her [donated] heart helped me to live on.” vs “The person who gave me this heart was Torfun. [She] passed away. And it was me . . . I’m responsible for her death.”) is just one whole story that he needs to consider. 

If Tian stayed a little longer, I think Khama would’ve said the same thing to him because it fits him too: he was someone who lied to protect himself but kept lying because he knew how devastating the truth would be. Hearing the story would give Tian solace that Khama understands that Tian’s truth is his alone and he has his reasons for doing what he did. And ofc Khama would’ve patted him on the shoulder and said “Think about it, son” just like with Longtae. ;0;

Just Longtae’s face says it all, for me. He’s really absorbing what his father told him. Really trying to understand his feelings and where he wants to be: in opposition to Tian or trying to understand him.

Tian's First Collapse vs his Second Collapse

aka

Phupha panicking vs Phupha panicking EVEN HARDER.

I wonder if that first collapse is running through his mind. I wonder if Phupha can still feel Tian in his arms after that first hike as he holds him in his lap. I wonder if Phupha is thinking about how many times he's going to catch Tian falling and how many times he's going to miss.

I wonder if Tian remembers those same arms around him. I wonder if Tian can feel him even as he passes out, if he knows that he's being held or if he's unaware that the person who cares for him is right there with him.

Because they're not truly shy. They're teasing and they're affectionate and they're gentle and they're sarcastic and they're awkward and they're loving...

But they're shy in their own ways.

Phupha has trouble putting softness into direct words. Yes, he's blunt and he's straightforward about almost everything else. But he's not used to being soft, he's not used to expressing his emotions. He's used to his friends who understand him without that, who know what he's doing without him having to say it.

Tian has more trouble being direct and straightforward. He has so many secrets that he's keeping, whether directly or because of the other secrets he feels he has to keep. He knows he wants to make a move but he wants more from Phupha before he opens up. He wants that confirmation, he wants to know he isn't imagining things.

They're both worried about rejection. They're both worried about misreading the situation. And that makes them shy about this one thing. And it's such an honest showing of their characters.

Phupha doesn't want to make Tian uncomfortable. He doesn't want to pressure him to stay out of obligation. His job is to take care of the teacher and he needs Tian to rely on him. If he expresses his love and Tian doesn't return those feelings... what happens next?

Tian worries about where the love is coming from, he worries that he's never felt like this before. He wonders if Phupha's attention is from his obligations or if it's from the love he wants to see. And he worries if he expresses his love and Phupha doesn't return those feelings... what happens next?