#tianpha

It's the dawning horror of what he might have done. Phupha knows how fragile Tian was in that moment. He saw his face, he saw the tears and the broken eyes.

He knows how much of that is his own fault, his poor choices, his pain lashing out.

The worst part is that Phupha knew half the story and still never told them.

Because they're not truly shy. They're teasing and they're affectionate and they're gentle and they're sarcastic and they're awkward and they're loving...

But they're shy in their own ways.

Phupha has trouble putting softness into direct words. Yes, he's blunt and he's straightforward about almost everything else. But he's not used to being soft, he's not used to expressing his emotions. He's used to his friends who understand him without that, who know what he's doing without him having to say it.

Tian has more trouble being direct and straightforward. He has so many secrets that he's keeping, whether directly or because of the other secrets he feels he has to keep. He knows he wants to make a move but he wants more from Phupha before he opens up. He wants that confirmation, he wants to know he isn't imagining things.

They're both worried about rejection. They're both worried about misreading the situation. And that makes them shy about this one thing. And it's such an honest showing of their characters.

Phupha doesn't want to make Tian uncomfortable. He doesn't want to pressure him to stay out of obligation. His job is to take care of the teacher and he needs Tian to rely on him. If he expresses his love and Tian doesn't return those feelings... what happens next?

Tian worries about where the love is coming from, he worries that he's never felt like this before. He wonders if Phupha's attention is from his obligations or if it's from the love he wants to see. And he worries if he expresses his love and Phupha doesn't return those feelings... what happens next?

I would start by arguing that Phupha may not be super sexually experienced. He might be, but I could also definitely see him being low on experience thanks to being so rural and dedicating himself to his job rather than on finding himself partners or having romantic/sexual experiences.

But, regardless of that, I think it’s going to take a lot of patience and work on both their parts to reach anything.

I think that the start would be with Phupha just seeing Tian with his shirt off. Tian will not like it. He’ll try to hide, to keep the lights low or off, to not have Phupha see the scar. And Phupha will have to reassure him. But Phupha isn’t the best with words.

So how does he show Tian how beautiful he is?

With touches, gentle and soft. With patience, waiting but never gone. With gentle eyes, looks that see and never judge. With his own scars, explanations offered and guiding Tian’s hands to his own skin.

Tian will have to learn to trust Phupha. It’s going to take time. This is not going to be the kind of relationship that just goes steamy instantly overnight and they’re not going to be having hot, rough sex any time soon. 

Now, sex itself may still happen fairly quickly. But I think Tian would want to keep his shirt on and Phupha wouldn’t argue with him at first.

I do think, actually, that their intimacy might even help Tian accept his body more. He cares deeply about Phupha’s opinion and the more Phupha shows Tian that he loves his body the way it is, the more Tian may see what there is to love about his body and himself.

There’s a lot to learn and unlearn. And they’re going to have to push themselves to talk and push themselves to be open and there are going to be tears and pain and fear and fights... but they have good friends and a giant village family and they love each other enough to weather these storms.

He makes sure Tian is safe.

He helps him cook.

He cleans him up.

He buys him mosquito netting.

He worries over his scars.

He worries about people worrying about Tian.

Phupha shows his love by worrying.

Tian doesn’t know how to handle that. 

Tian’s love language has always been gifts.

But it was never truly personal.

He’s adrift now. He doesn’t know his own love language and the one person showing him love is using a language that he’s unsure about how to handle.

Tian hasn’t felt like he was worthy of love in a long time.