Name: Mr. and Mrs. Thwomp

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

A wholesome Thwomp couple... isn’t that just the sweetest thing? Even angry rock monsters are capable of love! 

Though, strictly speaking, Mr. Thwomp (on the left) isn’t an enemy, since he doesn’t really fight you. Unlike his wife, he’s pretty calm and collected... though he’s feeling depressed about Mario & Luigi putting out the fire at the top of the Thwomp Volcano. I mean, can you blame him? They wait for all year for this annual eruption! In the words of Mr. Thwomp, “Volcano with no fire... Not volcano... Just mountain.”

And so, Mrs. Thwomp, in a fit of rage, fights the brothers for upsetting her husband! Despite her being a refined lady, she is still prepared to fight... in the name of love! What’s weird about her, though, is the fact that she’s a round Thwomp, and she’s got hands! Hm... is there some kind of sexual dimorphism going on here?

Name: Thwimp

Debut: Super Mario World

A baby! A baby! A little baby! 

Thwimp is.. a wimpy Thwomp. They may be tiny, but you shouldn’t underestimate them for that: this small size makes them considerably more mobile, and they jump in arcs, making them a lot trickier! And, I’ve gotta say, I absolutely adore that little scowl they’ve got. It looks like they really want to be taken seriously, but you still just wanna pinch their little cheeks! Well, if rocks had cheeks that could be pinched. Maybe if you’re very strong.

Well, I’m sure that’s all well and good, but what is one measly game appearance REALLY worth in this day and age? What’s the point of even having an enemy if they haven’t appeared as recently as, say, 2012? Well, behold! Thwimps make their grand return in New Super Mario Bros. U! I’m sure they heard the massive fan-demand. They know what the people want, and the people wanted Thwimp.

Name: Whimp (Maybe?)

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Of course, there’s no way I could cover Thwimp with at least bringing up their little cousin, the Whimp. Or at least I hope that’s what they’re called... turns out they’re never actually given an official name, but come on. If these guys were named anything other than Whimp, it would be a tragedy!

Whimps will only pop up in the Whomp King battle, in the Throwback Galaxy... of course, even though this is an old fight, these guys are brand new! But they’re fragile little fellas, and crumble to pieces as soon as they try to attack you... and if they don’t do that, they’ll be destroyed by the King’s shockwaves! 

Name: Sniffle Thwomp

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story

On the last day of Thwompsgiving, my true love gave to me... a sick Thwomp. That’s not a very good gift! I hope it’s not contagious!

Right off the bat this thing is weird. Thwomps are made of rock, right? Well, I guess they have immune systems anyway! And sinuses. And mucus. I guess if you’re gonna give a rock a functioning face, you have to go all the way.

Besides the typical Thwomp Stomp attack (I made up that name just now), Sniffle Thwomp has some cool moves at its disposal! 

For example, it can... sneeze on its opponent. It makes him sick.

But that’s not all! It can... faint. And then a bunch of Shy Guys need to carry it.

Also, it constantly takes damage, and this damage increases if its adorable little ice pack is removed.

Geez. This is just sad. Why are we fighting this thing? To put it out of its misery? 

Name: Pouncer

Debut: Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3

And with that, Thwompsgiving is over... so here is a grouchy gray stone rectangular prism covered in spikes that waits suspended in midair in order to crush the player, that ISN’T a Thwomp!

Pouncer may look like your normal everyday Thwomp. They probably could have put normal Thwomp in this game and called it a day. But they didn’t! And I’m glad they didn’t, because Pouncer can do some unique things of its own. Even more than a normal Thwomp! It doesn’t really “pounce”, though. The name’s kind of weird. Pouncing is for cats, not rocks!

Unlike a normal Thwomp, Pouncer’s spikes are extremely sharp and cause instant death. But its flat top can be stood upon, allowing Wario to ride on top! In one level, Pouncer moves throughout the entire course, even horizontally, and Wario must alternate between avoiding it and riding it across dangerous expanses. An entire level all about this zany Mario obstacle! 

And that’s not all! If Wario defeats an enemy with his normal shoulder bash, he’ll get a coin. But if he defeats one by having Pouncer crush it, he’ll get ten! I guess the moral is... if you want to kill someone, it’s better to have someone else do it instead?

Name: Grrrol and Mega Grrrol

Debut: New Super Mario Bros. U

Now Grrrol and Mega Grrrol aren’t the first time a rolling Thwomp has been tried before. We’ve talked about Spindel and Rhomp before, but those enemies were specifically built for a 3D environment, where they can be comin’ at ya’! They maybe could appear in a 2D game, but then their lovely faces would never be seen, and that wouldn’t be great at all! So what’s the solution? Why, even more rolling Thwomps of course! And these might be the best ones yet!

Grrrol’s Eyes-in-a-Black-Void roll around in their sockets with it, and combined with their single missing tooth, this gives them loads of personality, especially when you throw in the chubby cheeks on the Mega version! Usually, bigger enemies are just the same thing but large, but Grrrol goes the extra mile to add enhancements to an already perfect design. There’s no denying Grrrol is a relative of the Thwomps, given their stone-carved faces and metallic spikes, but of course, Grrrol’s entirely unique facial features really help it stand out on its own!

It’s also strange that the round Thwomps no longer have the ability to defy gravity. How unfortunate!

Name: Spiny Tromp and Spiky Tromp

Debut: Paper Mario and Super Paper Mario, respectively

Name: Walleye

Debut: Super Mario 3D World

I have decided completely, suddenly, and arbitrarily, that it is now Thwompsgiving! The time of year where we sit back, eat rocks, and think of how thankful we are... for Thwomps. So grab your Thwomp throw pillow, try to unlock Marty in Mario Kart 64, and prepare yourself for the week of a lifetime!

So when Super Mario 3D World was released, Wallop from the previous game, was unfortunately absent, with Walleye here replacing it in most instances! While losing Wallop is pretty unfortunate, there’s no denying that Walleye is just as, if not more adorable, and an excellent addition to the ever-growing cast of weird Mario enemies!

Like Wallop, Walleye is an enemy focused on blocking your path, referencing the mythological nurikabe. However, while avoiding Wallop focuses on jumping over or running under it, to pass Walleye, you need to get around it, since Walleye doesn’t really feel like jumping up in the air. I guess being a giant block of heavy stone does that to you, right?

...Actually, why do most Thwomps spend so much time suspended in mid-air? The gravity of the Mario universe is best left unquestioned.

Anyway, Walleyes will run back and forth, but they always run to the edge of the area they’re in, meaning that while they’re running one way, you run another! That’s the only way to get around Walleyes, since you can’t go under them, and they have spikes on every other side! Occasionally, however, Walleyes are paired with enemies like Ty-foos which blow giant gusts of wind that push you around, making them a little harder to get around!

Name: Thwack and Wonder Thwack

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

It’s Thwack time! If you were worried that Thwomps weren’t usually colorful enough, or that Thwomps were too big and spiky, well then, Thwacks are just the right enemy for you! Putting the Thwacks and Wonder Thwacks together, you get not one, not two, but four different colors! And each color comes with two facial variations to boot! It’s Thwack madness out here!

Thwacks are found in the Thwomp Volcano, which is ideally, where everyone should live. Who doesn’t love Thwomps, after all? Since they exist in a Mario & Luigi game, the Thwacks come with a gimmick where they will only attack certain Bros. depending on their color. Specifically, pink and red Thwacks will only attack Mario or Baby Mario, while green and teal Thwacks will attack Luigi and Baby Luigi! Of course, each Thwack comes with a very special surprise attack...

Sometimes, in a last-ditch effort, Thwacks will turn yellow and charge at the Bros., eventually splitting into two boulders to send one at each Bro. That being said, with a well-timed hop, these boulders can be avoided, effectively meaning that combat with the Thwack can be avoided entirely. Is this part of the strategy in a Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time pacifist run? Can you do a Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time pacifist run? I don’t know! I’ve never played the game! I’m regurgitating info from the Mario Wiki over here, folks!

Name: Thwack Totem

Debut: Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

As the building blocks of Thwomp society, the Thwacks inside Thwomp Caverns (a cave inside the Thwomp Volcano) are capable of stacking themselves into a Thwack Totem! While Thwack Totems look pretty cool, they generally don’t last for very long, since most of their attacks consist of splitting up into four Thwacks. What we do learn from this enemy is that Thwacks can launch themselves into the air with rocket boosters. Neat!