I would have wanted you to know... (doomed driftrod) SFW
Tiny note : at some point i didn't write them as my own official take of them, i wanted some angst :) enjoyyyy <3
Rodimus knew better to keep his mind for himself, at least for certain matters. He knew that sometimes, his opinion wasn't requiered. Unlike what Magnus could think, Rodimus knows his place. Of course he does. Of course everyone do too. They all know it's in Optimus' shadow. In the Primes's shadows. It's being the reckless captain, the fool, the racer, the last of the Nyonians... it was funny all the places he could fill.
But the one he wanted the most was already taken.
When he met Drift as Hot Rod, he was happy to find someone who was like him in a sens : lost, uncomfortable, kind of unwanted but as long as he could be usefull he could stay... two sparks that came from very different backrground, and still were the same.
They sympathised over it. Slowly, they became friends, became each other comfort zone, without fearing a reprimand or a filthy side eye. They could be fools as much as they wanted together.
With time, their relationship evolved, closer, more confident. They sneaked out more often, star gazed into each other's optics longer than required, played fight to create a contact, exchanged energon, kiss goodbye,...
They knew each other berth, sleepovers transformed into longer stays.
Rodimus felt warmer than usual when next to Drift. His laughter, his yellow optics, his fangs, his claws, his swordsmanship,... Drift was amazing. Rodimus really wanted to remain by his sides for the rest of life. Drift made him feeling less alone, he found a life companion in him and maybe something more, something that made his spark spin faster.
Laying in berth, legs intertwined, cuddled, Rodimus couldn't recharge. He was staring at his Amica Endura recharging, every traits engraved in his brain module. He came to the realization that he was in love with the mech he had in his arms, right there to kiss. But before that, he was decided to court him.
So he courted him the right way.
Gift, training together, doing everything to ease Drift's life, spending quality time, even went on a nice dinner.
Rodimus was convinced. He was sure that Drift was reciprocating. Everything was telling him.
Then why did Drift asked him questions about Ratchet ? Why was he staring at the medic when they would pass by him ? And why was Ratchet looking at Drift ?
He even found them once at a bar, together, seemingly deep into a conversation. And Drift was smiling. A smile Rodimus never saw.
Since then, Drift and Ratchet could be found many times together. He even cancelled plans on Rodimus to be with the grumpy mech !
Rodimus made more efforts, was more romantic, more interested in what Drift would do, more little attentions, but nothing could make him look back at him.
Rodimus slowly understood that Drift was never interested in him. Ratchet was the one. Ratchet was the best. He was just the rock Drift needed to jump above all the obstacles his past life put on his way.
Everything broke down around him when, at a wrecker party, he saw the two kiss in a corner. He stayed there, watching them being happy and enamored. He wanted to cry. Oh, he wanted to cry so much, to the point of tearing his optics apart from his helm. Arcee tried to understand what was going on, but Rodimus shut her down and left the party. He entered his habsuit and could only sit on his desk chair. And think. Memories looping in.
The love of his life, the mech that made him so happy, never loved him.
For days, Drift didn't even reach to him, not even a message, not even a look.
Rodimus felt used.
Ambushed.
He needed to leave. To flee. The tension in his whole frame eating him to the core, so much that his shoulder hurt. He couldn't stay there. He couldn't stand to be there, the idiot who thought someone could love him.
So he did. He took his stuff back from Drift's habsuit, gave up his own trinkets to only keep what is necessary (the remaining of Nyon, his datapads, energon stock and tools) and asked to be permuted somewhere else. On an other base. Optimus looked at him in disbelief, told him that he was needed where he was, but Rodimus, for the first time, broke down and felt to his knees. He begged Optimus to be sent away.
The Prime was so worried. Never had he experienced something like this with the red mech. The only thing that came to mind was to take him in his arms and comfort him, but he didn't know what could have been the cause to such distress. The arrogance and pride crumble to let all that happen.
He asked if he needed to see Ratchet, but at the mention of the medic, Rodimus violently refused, struggling to escape Optimus's hug. Optimus didn't move, and firmly held the speedster.
He knew how Rodimus was, but to that extend ?
He waited patiently for the tears to calm down, enveloping him in his calming EM field. His platine was burning, a sign that he could have busted into flammes at any moment, but didn't do it.
After a good moment waiting, cradling him, Rodimus finally explained why. And it hurts. So Optimus reluctantly accepted to send him on another ship.
Rodimus was holding onto Optimus like his life depends on it. It was warm, comforting, relieving, to be held, to not be let down. He apologised one, two, three, fifteen times for his excessive reaction, but Optimus simply smiled and hugged him again.
"I am deeply sorry for your sorrow. I didn't know you were hurting."
Rodimus, for once, really wanted to soak into Optimus's warm presence, to feel tiy again.
After their encounter, Optimus still tried to convince Rodimus to stay, that he would heal and keep going, but he kept helping Rodimus to pack his things.
He wanted to see Drift. His spark was screaming for him. The delusion of this fall down kept him in the fog. Did it really happened ? Did Drift really see him as a key to his new life ? Has he ever saw him as an amica ? Was there any love involved from his part ? He remembered all these times they have spent together, in the sofa watching a movie, in the training room fighting or gossiping to escape Magnus, star gazing, sleepovers, cuddle sessions,... did none of that matter to Drift ? How could Ratchet, who has done nothing special, be more important than his courting ?
And why was Ratchet so precious to Drift ? Knowing the mech, he was grumpy, could be mean, and not so very gentle. He was always stuck in his beloved medbay, and rarely came to the bar. e was instrested in nothing else than talking facts, never believed in spectralism and only knows little in chronolinguistic. It was just too hard to understand why they were... in love.
Saying it out loud would crush him even more, but just the thought of it made his optics tear up again. But he kept a neutral face, for Optimus's sake.
When everything was packed, Optimus looked at him with sad optics.
"It will feel emptier without you on main quarters. But i hope you will feel better on the ship. Thunderclash is a great mech, he will guide you for your new assignments."
"Thank you Optimus."
The older mech smiled, but he knew what Rodimus was going through. He lived the same thing when Megatron left for the Decepticons.
On the way to the shuttle that would bring him to Thunderclash's ship, no one addressed him a word nor a look. He was invisible, unnoticeable. He has all his belongings, clearly showing he was leaving. But no one cared.
He was on automatic pilot. His pedes were in command, brain module shut down. He needed to get to the shuttle, and fast. He hoped Drift would have heard of his departure and came to make him stay, to tell him he wanted to stay by his sides, to be together, to be in love, to spark merge, to ...
No one stopped him.
No one.
He could let his destructive thoughts get to him later, now, he had a shuttle to embark. Like an automate, he packed everything and set the coordinates Optimusgace him. He took a deep breath, and with a final look outside, closed the door. He initiates the system and took command. The shuttle leaves the ship. Optimus looks at it with sadness. He couldn't bring himself to admit it, but Rodimus is like his sparkling. He saw him grow up from afart and always felt protective of him. He was always there to his big achievements, but now, Rodimus was sparkbroken and needed time for himself.
He was gonna have a word with Ratchet about his new relation with the swordsman...
Time passed, and Drift felt as if something was missing in his life. He was officially in a relationship with Ratchet, and couldn't be happier. At least he thought.
Looking around his old habsuit looking for some fancy polish he had, being now in a new one shared with his Conjunx, he spots a box that was in a corner. He takes it, with the hope it was his polish, but it was actually a box full of trinkets. Cristals, jewelry he never wore (too fancy), paper sheets and ink he never took from its packaging, ... stuff he didn't need. Then a picture catches his attention. He takes it and clean the dust off. It was a picture of him and a red and orange mech, in a tight hug, cheek against cheek. He seemed happy. The mech was good looking and seemed to be full of happiness, and...
It's Rodimus.
There, it clicked. Rodimus. He forgot about Rodimus, his best Amica Endura.
Shock waves in his whole frame, eating him up entirely. He forgot about Rodimus.
For many minutes he stays there, unable to move or tear his optics away from the picture. His free servo covers his mouth that was hanging wide.
Oh shit. Oh Primus.
He needed to go see him. But... it's been very long since he saw him. He isn't even sure if he was still on the ship.
He needed Ratchet, now.
His mood crumbles completely.
He transformed and rushed to Ratchet's sides, and once in their shared habsuit he broke down in tears. Ratchet, seeing the picture, is stunned, and feels i instantly regretfull.
Because he knew Rodimus had left and never mentioned it to Drift, persuaded that it was just a phase and he would come back at the first scratch in his paint job. Optimus, cycles ago, told him that he left for a new start. He doubed it, then forgot about it.
They went to see Optimus in his office, Drift still in tears, and ask for explainations. Ratchet avoids Optimus's interrogating gaze.
"I thought Ratchet would have told you, but Rodimus has left cycles ago. He is stationed with Thunderclash."
Drift looks at his Conjunx in disbelief. He couldn't explain how guilty he felt for forgetting Rodimus, but he also felt angry at Ratchet for not telling him.
He thanks Optimus, and goes back to the habsuit, Ratchet behind him.
"Drift, slow down."
"Why did you hide it from me ?"
"I forgot about it."
"How can you forgot something like that ? He waas your patient and friend !"
"I thought it was just a bluff..."
Drift felt betrayed by Ratchet but mostly by himself. He didn't even notice his Amica was not there anymore and forgot about it, because he was enamored by Ratchet. A spiral of dread, anger, disbelief washes over him and not even meditating could erase it. He was so angry and sad.
Ratchet was worried. Drift wouldn't look at him, wouldn't engage in any discussion, not even with his good Amica Perceptor. He only exits the habsuit when he knows no one is around, and is already in recharge when Ratchet's shift was done. Engex cubes were scattered around the habsuit many night, and Ratchet always has to clean them up.
Guilt was rusting both their core, straining their relationship.
Meanwhile, Rodimus is better. Not good yet, but better. He is sat on the observatory point, outside the ship, powerfull magnets keeping him safe. The view is beautiful : the stars, the galaxies, the dust clouds,... amazing.
"Rodimus?"
Thunderclash walks to him, two energon cubes in servos. He hands one to the mech.
"I didn't see you drink today yet, here, take it."
"Tahnk you."
Thunderclash is an attentive mech. A gentle giant. He knew how to watch after his crew and his crew appreciates him. He is a good captain.
"The view is beautiful."
"I was thinking just that."
Rodimus looks around, but notices that Thunderclash was looking at him.
"What?"
"Nothing, i just admire what i see."
Rodimus really wanted to give in. Thunderclash is a good mech, everything he could ask in a partner, but his spark wasn't totally healed yet. He denied himself the hapiness of a healthy relationship, he wasn't ready, and doesn't know if he ever would be. But Thunderclash was patient. He can wait.
@eztilsolar
