#thunder junction

“‘Finest in the Multiverse,’ Peony? We’ll see about that.”

The traveling merchant waved in greeting at the white-clad official fast approaching her stall. “Mornin, Kieran! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“A surprise inspection. Show me your wares.”

“Not a problem!” Using the leg of her scale as a baton, Peony pointed to the various goods lining each section of her cart. “What you see is what you got. Anything in particular catch your eye?”

Kieran studied the setup for another few moments before answering, “No - which is good for you. Your wares and structure are all in order. You’re clear to continued peddling…all this junk-”

“I don’t rightly appreciate you callin it that, Inspector.”

Kieran startled at being called his formal title. Peony’s statement was immediate, terse, and formal. The warmth had drained from her tone, replaced by something far more stern.

“It ain’t junk.”

“I apologize, Peony. I meant no offense. These curios just aren’t my particular-”

“They ain’t just curios neither!”

Kieran arched a skeptical eyebrow. “All right, then. But still, who living around here would ever want anything like this?”

“Folks who want a taste of home! There are people here, from Amonkhet, and from Fiora, and from all over the place! Don’t you think they get homesick too, like me or you? It ain’t just lawmen and bank robbers here. People live here! Not a lot, but people still!”

“Who? A bunch of prospectors and-”

A crash came from up the street. A mob marched into view, hauling with them a bandit bound in thick rope.

“Ah. A bloodthirsty mob.”

“‘Bloodthirsty,’ Kieran? We’ll see about that.”

The mob quieted as they drew near. They deposited the outlaw at Kieran’s feet, as one of their number stepped forward.

“Caught him stealin from the gunsmith. Do what you want with him, just so long as it’s far from here. We’re goin home.”

The group dispersed without fanfare, leaving Peony giving Kieran a sly smirk.

“See? No blood. Just folks who’re willin to look out for each other.”

—

“How’s parent life treatin you, Bill?”

The cactusfolk shook his head. Unfortunately, this did little to dissuade the charged rifle already aimed his way.

“Annie,” Bill greeted in a calm voice, emanating from the head of his roughly humanoid shaped body. “If you ain’t an outlaw no more, why open with a threat every time we meet?”

“Because…because…” Annie Flash seemed to deflate as she slung her rifle over her shoulder, failing to find a suitable argument. Yet Bill’s voice remained patient.

“Annie. You oughta bury that rifle. Cause if I ain’t a safe bet for you, then who is?”

“…Your kids are growin up fast.”

“Annie, you can’t just…Yeah. They are. One of the perks of finally settlin down. How’s Tommy?”

“Gettin better. We’re gonna try walkin with a cane this week.”

“Tell him I said hello.”

“That I will…”

An awkward silence descended upon the curious pair. That was, until a harsh skittering sound coaxed the rifle away from Annie’s shoulder once more.

“Bill, get down.”

But the cactusfolk ignored the warning with a prickly wave of his hand. “Oh, relax. That’s just my pet spider.”

“Pet spider?” Annie echoed incredulously. She listened; the skittering was growing louder, almost deafening. “How big is it?”

“Big enough. Grew it from the same group of flowers as the kids, after all.”

“Wait, what?”

A giant, spined spider pounced into view from behind a nearby sand dune. The enormous insect was comprised entirely of cactus, and seemingly had a prickly temper to match, as it thrashed in the sand before Bill and Annie.

“Bill!”

“Annie!” Bill shouted, mocking Annie’s urgency. “I said pet. I meant it. Roll over, boy!”

In an instant, the cactus spider’s nervous energy turned to an excited one, as it rolled playfully through the sand. Annie lowered her rifle but kept it close at hand, still frowning at Bill.

“Seems a bit dangerous to play with something that big, don’t it?”

“No more dangerous than guns, I reckon.”

Annie refused to look at the rifle in her hands.

“Dragoon. I thought you died.”

“I only ate somethin bad, Lucy. It takes…Well, technically drank- It takes more’n that to kill me!”

A woman in a sheriff outfit smirked as she drew close to the disgruntled steel-plated Phyrexian. She approached easily, revolver remaining in its holster. And Dragoon returned the gesture - their posture was fully relaxed, deadly-looking claws remaining lowered at their side.

“What do you need?”

“Jokin aside, we managed to fake your death but…I assume our plans ain’t happenin no more? No movin to Omenport, no new life?”

Dragoon’s tone turned bitter as they gave their sarcastic answer: “Yeah, it’s over. What gave it away? The fact that I burn everything around me?”

“There’s plenty of elementals in-”

“Or- Or maybe it was, that no one in Omenport’d ever hire a Phyrexian in a million years? Not even to dig ditches.”

“Dragoon, don’t do this to yourself. Please.”

“Or that I can’t even…We can’t…”

Dragoon reached out, but quickly pulled away, just before the back of their metal hand could graze against Lucy’s arm.

“We can still touch! It’s been proven!”

“By, what, three of us? And none of em were me.”

“Dragoon…”

“Then do it. Take my hand.”

Similarly, Lucy began to reach out. But she too faltered.

“See? I can’t live around folks without hurtin em.”

“Then…?”

Dragoon hung their head. “Akul’s lookin for a posse…”

“Then what was that about not hurtin people!”

“It’s not like anywhere else’ll have me!”

“Dragoon. I’m a sheriff.”

“I know. So shoot me, since I’m an outlaw now. Or, I’m gonna be.”

Lucy’s hand hovered over her holster, trembling.

“What’s it gonna be?”

“…Get outta my sight.”

“Not what I would’ve-”

Dragoon recoiled as a bullet struck the dirt in front of them. They had been staring directly at Lucy, but hadn’t seen her draw.

“Next we meet, if you’re a Hellspur…I won’t miss.”

“I’d hope not.”

Dragoon turned to leave.

“You sure this is what you wanna do?”

“Nope. But if it’s the only option left, I gotta be sure of it…Right…?”

“Hey! We ain’t done here, runt!”

Under an astonishing amount of rifle fire, the wounded Akul was still able to drag himself back to an upright position. On scorpion legs he skittered across the raging battlefield at blistering speed, straight toward the young half-fae in question, who flinched as the much larger - and more seasoned - outlaw drew near.

“I got words for you. And for your posse. And for…Hey, are they with you?”

Akul’s tone warmed ever so slightly as he pointed over his shoulder with a claw, to the cowboys firing down at him from the ridge above. Likewise, Kellan somewhat forgot his fear as he considered his answer.

“Oh, them? No. I want to say…”

“Ral Zarek’s crew. Not that a corpse like you has any reason to care.”

Annie Flash drifted into view, thunder pistol pointed directly at Akul’s face. The demon merely gave the woman a mad cackle in response, completely unfazed by the threat.

“By all means, miss. Be my guest!”

Annie gladly complied, and pulled the trigger. Though the shot scorched Akul’s carapace, it did little real damage, much to Annie’s surprise.

“What the…What was that duel with Kellan, then?”

“A show. Speakin of which! Anyway. Kid.”

“Kellan,” Kellan bristled.

“Sure. Can you call off your boys? Maybe with the same magic you tried on me?”

“And…why would I do that?”

“Cause gettin sandwiched like this ain’t no fun, really.”

“Wait.” Annie gritted her teeth and asked, “Is this all just a game to you guys?”

“Of course! Why else would we be ‘deadly outlaws,’ in the middle of nowhere?”

“Hm…”

“Oh, don’t tell me you thought we were actually here, just for weapons and…railroad supplies?”

Kellan reentered the conversation with an anxious laugh. “‘Railroad supplies’?” he echoed.

“Oh, yeah! Our last heist was all steel ingots! Real valuable, I’m sure.”

Kellan laughed, despite Annie quietly admonishing him.

“Hey. Sure, there were folks here before we moved in. But it ain’t our fault they keep wanting to move out here, with us outlaws!”

“And just what are you plannin, Sheriff Muck?”

“You ain’t hurtin anyone ever again, Winchester.”

With a final flick of his wrist, the Freestrider drew oil from the small army of Phyrexian mercenaries, all lying prone and defeated following their final showdown. With their fuel source hovering overhead, the posse of metallic outlaws were rendered fully immobile. Though this did little to stifle the indignant cries now rising from their faceplates.

“You dirty little…vampire!”

“Vampire…” Muck stopped in his tracks, still standing amid the fallen desperados. “I’m stoppin you from hurtin anyone else!”

“Oh, enough of that. You’re stoppin us from robbin the bank, nothing more!”

“Nothin stopped you from earnin an honest livin, like the rest of us.”

“Excuse me! We’re Phyrexians. No one would let us bank with em. Or work for em. Or hold land. All of us who had any, we got mobbed off it by vigilantes - after we got cut off and away from Norn, by the way.”

“Ah. Right. Well…I’m not a vampire, at least.”

“Wh- You just drained…uh…” Winchester paused to count the few outlaws he could see, unable to move his head as he was. “Well…a bunch of us! You still wanna say that ain’t vampire behavior?”

“I-”

“They’re right, you know.”

Muck whipped around, his gunpowder revolver flashing and roaring like thunder. In response, the well-dressed vampire merely groaned in annoyance at the hole Muck’s bullet had torn in her shirt.

“You missed the heart,” smirked the new arrival. “And besides, that didn’t feel like a silver bullet to me.”

“Amani,” Muck growled in begrudging greeting. “I thought silver was for-”

“Who can keep track nowadays?”

“Not me, that’s for…I’m not a vampire!”

“You’re right…! I work with blood, not oil. You’re plainly different.” Amani magicked a small stream of blood to trail lazily through the air. “And I can’t make shapes nearly as big as that!”

She pointed behind Muck, to the towering pillar of oil trailing up from the Phyrexians.

“Thanks…”

Winchester laughed.

4. How do you typically get your cards? Opening packs, buying precons, trading, buying singles, something else? Any specific place or people you want to shout out?

Draft, mostly. We can replace prize packs with store credit, which I usually spend on precons or singles for my cube. I occasionally buy singles or Secret Lairs online for cube, but not often.

14. What is the oldest set you still consider "recent", subjectively? What memory do you have of that set?

I'm gonna say War of the Spark, since that's what got me back into MTG after college and when I started drafting regularly. I started my current job in early 2019, not long before it released, and I'd found myself spending all my time either at work, commuting, or at home. The War of the Spark prerelease was a fun break from that. I don't remember what I played, but it's a set I really like, and it got me to find out about my LGS's regular draft events and start going to them.

24. Is there a keyword you wish would come back and/or be used on more cards? What's your favorite card with that keyword or mechanic?

The mechanic I'm most excited to see again is spree. It offers some really cool flexibility, and while cards with it have so far all been monocolor, the mechanic has some really cool potential for versions with generic base costs and/or multiple colors of spree costs.

Out of the existing spree cards, Three Steps Ahead has a design I particularly love. I'm always a fan of Cancels that can become draw spells, and with enough mana, this can do much more than that. Meanwhile, Dance of the Tumbleweeds is probably the one I've had the most fun playing - I ran one in almost every green OTJ deck I drafted. As weak of a setting as OTJ has, its mechanics are a lot of fun.