#thumbsdown

when we first learned what plurality is, we learned about it in VERY oversimplified terms, and only about DID. not a lot of nuance, not a lot of other explanation. the things we were told were - you can only get it to the age of around 5 or 6 - It's very very rare - it has to be trauma considered severe by adult standards (not worded like this, but exemplified like it) - it has to be DID (full memory blocks etc) and before we were told this, we immediately went WOW that sounds like us! but then went right back into denial as soon as those criteria were listed. sigh

that began, unfortunately, a phase of really bad mental health where we suppressed everything to the extreme. we HAD plurality, and even to this day I barely remember any of those two years. But we didn't believe it and it hurt us mentally. a lot. Our old host, when we finally did accept it around a year ago (last summer) tried to suppress + silence all of the alters, mostly because a lot of the frequent fronters at that time were fictives. they also believed we were endogenic, as they were an ANP. This was a huge source of shame They soon became a persecutor to the system and were very controlling over everyone in the sys until finally our gatekeeper, Reuben, had enough. It forced a fusion between itself and our host (Teal) to show Teal that we DO have trauma and that we are NOT endogenic. I, Darcy, am that fusion. since we used to believe we were endogenic, I don't blame others for believing the same. That being said, all of the experiences we've had with endogenic "friends" so far have been negative: Multiple people claiming systemhood with no prior research right after we came out to them, and using their supposed alters to get away with shit, or roleplay, or attention seek. One person told us that their childhood trauma was one panic attack and would constantly vent about how hard their life was because of the seemingly sudden and horrific "ptsd" they had because of it. textbook classic stuff. So as you can probably tell, we have a negative stance on endos. We're open to learning but it'll take a lot of proof to get over the past