#thtfanfic

Then she cried.

He couldn’t get a handle on it, couldn’t figure out what was bothering her, what she needed, what he could do for her, get for her, give to her. He knew June, he watched June, it was one of the greatest joys of his life to watch her. She fascinated him physically and mentally. He was an analytical guy, kept his thoughts to himself unless she pulled them out of him. “Talk to me Nick,”  she would plead her blue, blue eyes dripping with empathy and love and want, and he couldn’t refuse her, then he would do his best to voice whatever had been rolling around in his head.  

This time though he had been the one to ask, her legs straddling him, sweat still cooling on his forehead, trailing his fingertips up and down the smooth skin on her back,  her head turned and tucked in on his shoulder, tears sliding down his chest. He was baffled, shifting her and tilting her face to meet his eyes.

“Talk to me June,” he urged, cradling her face with both hands and wiping away her tears with his thumbs, “June, baby, what’s wrong, tell me?”  

She had gone ballistic. Wrenching herself off of him and stumbling away locking the door behind her.

They had been married for a year and a half, a crazy 18 months. He had fought like hell and gotten her out of Gilead while he stayed back working nonstop to be able to finally bring Hannah home to June. Word of his successful spy game maneuvering against Gilead had spread and the struggling but true US government had quickly offered him a lucrative and high profile job, the position had allowed him opportunities and insider information instrumental for he and June to rescue Holly. So life as a married man had given him everything, two children, a beautiful wife that he loved with all of his heart, a job that allowed him rise to a position high enough to make a difference fighting the continuing clusterfuck evils of Gilead and the power to help put every sick motherfucker like Fred and Serena Waterford behind bars for life.

Feeling his phone buzz he stopped walking to pull it out of his pocket, over the screen saver photo of June, Holly and Hannah sitting on the sand on the beach, was a text from Mrs. Blaine, “I’m sorry. I love you. Come home.” He had never asked her to take his last name and he had never expected her, totally her decision and fuck he never got tired of seeing the words Mrs. Blaine, he didn’t care if it made him a pussy that his eyes teared up almost every time he looked at that photo of his family.

It wasn’t June’s job bothering her, she had gotten herself a position part-time working for the government writing and editing new laws and procedures, she was making a difference and she glowed with pride and excitement when she recounted her days to him.

Hannah was happy and healthy, sure she was entering the pre-teen years and could be a handful at times recently but that seemed to be a fairly normal life passage for both parent and child, and given what she had been through in her young life he and June had agreed many times that some attitude and push back was healthy.

Holly was thriving, fair and blue-eyed like June but with a head of dark curly hair like his, a happy easy going child, where Hannah was always a bundle of activity Holly could be content to sit on his or June’s lap and observe. He hoped he hadn’t woken either one of the girls when he had slammed the door on his way out.

Luke couldn’t be the problem, he was miles away apparently happy in a new relationship which June was thrilled about but, and while he agreed that Luke moving on was a damn good thing, he was more than a little freaked out that the new woman looked a bit like June to him. For Hannah’s sake he always tried to go with the flow when it came to Luke, but frankly, he would never understand the guy. Who the fuck leaves their woman in that fucking nightmare of a shitshow and makes no move whatsoever to help them, rescue them or get them out.  He realized it was asshole-ish of him to refer to June as his woman, but it was what it was, there would never be anyone else for him and God willing there would only ever be him for her.

That being said he should just get his ass home and get this situation resolved with her. Fuck the cigarettes, June would always know if he had been smoking because she smelled his clothes, he had more than once walked in on her smelling his coat or pillow or sweater. When he teased her about it she would try to turn it around by chiding him about his frequent I-really-need-to-quit comments. He really should quit, for her, for the girls, for him. If she asked him to quit he would in a heartbeat, God knows that June had been through enough in her life, he would give her anything and everything she wanted even if she didn’t voice that she needed it or wanted it. Their house was large, their lifestyle comfortable, did they need a big house, no but he was damn proud that this government salary allowed him to provide that for her, whatever school she wanted for Hannah, he wanted too and made it happen. June had been through enough, struggled and fought enough, he wanted life to be easy for her for her now and always.

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Stepping quietly into their foyer he closed the door behind him, the few lights left on were dimmed casting a warm glow on the school books and toys cluttering their coffee table, stepping over the gym shoes and little pink dress up cowboy boots strewn haphazardly on the floor he headed into the girl's bedroom. Hannah’s dark head peeked out from under her duvet. He smirked at her.

“Hey Han, you know she’s gonna nail you for having that thing on after  bedtime.”

“Nickkkkk, I’ll turn it off, please don’t tell her, pleaseeeee?”

Nick raised his eyebrows at her enjoying the lighthearted pleading.

“No Nick not the eyebrow raise, nooo.”

He chuckled, leaning forward to pry the Ipad out of her hands and setting it on her nightstand.

“Nick?”

“Yeah Han?”

“Why is mom mad at you?”

“I don’t know but I’m going to find out, we’ll talk it through and everything will be good.”

“What if she doesn’t stop being mad? You won’t...leave will you?”

It fucking gutted him every time, the effect of Gilead had left on her.

“Hannah, look at me, I love your mom more than anything in this world, and you, and Holly. I will never leave her. No one will ever take me from her or her from me. And nobody will ever take you away from us, ever. You are safe. I will always keep you safe.”

He leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead where the small worry lines had smoothed out.

“Night Han, love you.”

“Night Nick, love you too.”

Crossing the room Nick eased himself down on the edge of Holly’s twin bed, she was a hot sleeper, always warm and kicking the blankets off, he straightened them out folding them down to her waist, her thumb was resting in her open mouth, both he and June had heard many times from many people that they shouldn’t allow this, that they should force her to quit. They just couldn’t bring themselves to do it and had agreed that eventually, she would give it up on her own, but he gently pulled her thumb out of her open mouth and stroked her dark curly hair back from her soft sweaty forehead. He breathed in her sweet little girl scent leaning over to kiss her, whispering, “Sweet dreams, Holly Go Lightly.“

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Walking into their bedroom he found June in bed turned on her side away from him surrounded by pillows, many pillows. It was a king size bed...with eight pillows, he never understood the need for all the pillows when you only needed one for each head and it was a pain in the ass to line them all up exactly the way June wanted, but all things considered, they were only pillows. Although right now those were pillows keeping his wife from him.

“June?”

No answer.

“Are you okay”

No answer.

So fucking stubborn, he knew she wasn’t asleep, toeing off his shoes and undressed down to only his black boxer briefs he crossed to the other side of the bed crouching down in front of her. Reaching out he pushed a lock of hair back off of her face, then rested his hand to stroke his thumb over her cheek, her eyelashes were wet.  She took a deep shuddery breath and opened her eyes, he kept his voice low and calm.

“June, what is it? Talk to me June?

Finally, her hand shifted out from under the duvet stopping over his heart, then her fingertips skimmed back and forth. She had confessed to him once that she liked to feel his heart beating, that it beat for her and hers for him. He watched her silently waiting to see if she would say anything. His heart ached as her eyes welled with tears and a few spilled over.

“I love you so much Nick,” she whispered sliding her hand up higher to stroke it over his late night dark stubble.

“June, what the fuck, you’re scaring me, are you sick? Is it Hannah, Holly, is something wrong, are they okay?” Although his voice was still low the words came out more urgently.

Nudging her over, he climbed onto their bed and positioned her sideways onto his lap, cradling her in his arms, his head resting on top of hers. He tightened his arms around her.

“Enough June, tell me now, I can take it. Whatever it is I’ll fix it and make it right.”

He heard her sucking in a breath and steeled himself for whatever she was about to say.

“I’m pregnant.”

His heart stopped, time stopped, the world stopped, his arms dropped away from her.

“Are you mad Nick?”

He heard her voice but his mind was racing through nine months, nine months of seeing, touching, feeling June every day, whenever he wanted, feeling June pregnant with his baby. Touching her silky hair and feeling it get thicker, being able to see her body change, getting rounder, lying in bed with her every night, his hand on her belly with their baby growing in her. Sliding inside of her warm, wet heat, and making love to her with their baby cocooned safely between them. Taking her to the doctor to hear the heartbeat, watching her breastfeed...

“Nick, talk to me, you are mad aren’t you? Nick?”

He blinked looking down into her eyes, the same blue eyes he saw in Hannah’s face, in Holly’s face.

“I’m sorry, I think that’s what’s been making me so emotionally crazy. I, I just, I must have forgotten to take a pill or didn’t take it at the right time or it was the antibiotics I took. I took a pregnancy test, during lunch today and I wanted to, to...

“June.”

I wanted to tell you right away but we’ve never talked about having more kids. I was afraid to tell you, I just...

“June, stop. Stop...”

“Nick, I”

He dropped his head resting it on her shoulder. Thank God, thank God, there was nothing wrong, everyone was okay, sucking in a breath he wrapped one hand around her neck and wiped her tears away with the other. Tipping her head up and resting his forehead on hers his lips close enough to breathe in her breath he murmured in a husky voice “June, I’m thrilled we made another baby. It doesn’t matter how it happened. You want five more kids, throw away the pills and we’ll have five more, you don’t want anymore after this that’s fine too. Whatever you want June, that’s what I want you to have.

She leaned away from him, scrambling around to straddle him, her hands sliding up to grab his biceps her blue eyes spilling over again with tears locked onto his.

“This time we’ll do it all together right, we won’t have to be separated, or hide it, no one will be able to take our baby away. or keep us apart?”

She leaned forward her entire body resting against him, nuzzling her face into his neck kissing and licking.

“That’s right June, you’re safe here, I’ll keep you safe.”

She was squirming around in his lap, her tongue sliding into his mouth and he felt himself getting hard, her hand sliding down his chest and into his boxers, he grabbed her hand stilling it.

“June?”

“Hmm?”

“Is this we’re having a baby sex or makeup sex?”

He released her hand and sucked in a breath as she slid it down the length of him.

“First it’s we’re having a baby sex, then we’ll have makeup sex.”

Her hand drew slowly back up and his head tipped back as his eyes closed.

“Fuck June, it’s been a long day and you’ve put me through an emotional roller coaster, I don’t know if I can...”

She knelt up resting her hands on his shoulders and slowly lowered herself down onto him.