#thoughtsofared

But so so so so gratifying, exactly one year later, to be on the other side of the admissions process. Seeing all of the Berkeley optometry applicants was so surreal since it took my classmates and me back to when we were nervous little noobs who knew nothing about all the work it took to make sure Interview Day runs smoothly. It was nice to be able to work with some classmates I normally don’t talk to and get to know them a bit better. Second semester has definitely been a step up from spring semester in terms of ramping up the workload. It’s only two weeks in and I’m already dead tired from having to wake up at 6:30 everyday. However, I feel like I’ve really found my niche here. It’s been great getting to become better friends with people I haven’t had the chance to hang out with. Tahoe and Interview Day were both great things to kick off the semester so I hope that high can sustain us for a bit when things start to get really crazy (which will be very very soon). Lalalalala and now is the point where I realize I am too delirious (took me three attempts to spell that correctly) to type anything that makes sense/is cohesive. #cohesive #cohesive #cohesive as Viv likes to say..haaaaa k bye

For the past couple of weeks, I had been feeling this deep sense of frustration that I couldn’t pinpoint for awhile. In my mind, optometry school has generally been wonderful, as I broaden my knowledge of this field and profession in a city that I am growing to love more and more. However, there seemed to be this lack of cohesiveness with my classmates as I gradually started feeling like a bit of an outsider, despite my efforts to be friendly and open to everyone. It felt like not everybody was inclusive, and certain people perhaps even a little cold. It started to feel like the few rich relationships I have built weren’t enough.  And then I realized it. A lack of social events on my calendar translated, for me, to a desire to constantly be fulfilled by social interactions, and people. In short, I was making an idol out of people. Instead of being content with the people who have truly been by my side since school has started, I felt frustrated not to be able to interact with people as much as I liked. Instead of being content when I was able to have meaningful interactions, I told myself that it wasn’t good enough. Instead of accepting the dynamic in our class for what it is, I chose to harbor bitter thoughts and feelings. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and it is somewhat of a relief to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. But I had forgotten to stay optimistic and positive, instead choosing to make everything about me, and I forgot that there is a God who loves me infinitely more than anybody could ever love me. I don’t want these four years to be a waste. I don’t want my negative thoughts and feelings to impact the way I interact with others in the precious time we have here. Instead of feeling butthurt, I want to stay grateful for the innumerable positive experiences I have had. Perhaps it is a lack of cohesiveness/inclusivity. Perhaps it is a failure on my part to reach out to people. But to remain being bitter or frustrated/upset is my choice, and I want to choose not to be that way.