Crush your idols
For the past couple of weeks, I had been feeling this deep sense of frustration that I couldn’t pinpoint for awhile. In my mind, optometry school has generally been wonderful, as I broaden my knowledge of this field and profession in a city that I am growing to love more and more. However, there seemed to be this lack of cohesiveness with my classmates as I gradually started feeling like a bit of an outsider, despite my efforts to be friendly and open to everyone. It felt like not everybody was inclusive, and certain people perhaps even a little cold. It started to feel like the few rich relationships I have built weren’t enough. And then I realized it. A lack of social events on my calendar translated, for me, to a desire to constantly be fulfilled by social interactions, and people. In short, I was making an idol out of people. Instead of being content with the people who have truly been by my side since school has started, I felt frustrated not to be able to interact with people as much as I liked. Instead of being content when I was able to have meaningful interactions, I told myself that it wasn’t good enough. Instead of accepting the dynamic in our class for what it is, I chose to harbor bitter thoughts and feelings. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and it is somewhat of a relief to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. But I had forgotten to stay optimistic and positive, instead choosing to make everything about me, and I forgot that there is a God who loves me infinitely more than anybody could ever love me. I don’t want these four years to be a waste. I don’t want my negative thoughts and feelings to impact the way I interact with others in the precious time we have here. Instead of feeling butthurt, I want to stay grateful for the innumerable positive experiences I have had. Perhaps it is a lack of cohesiveness/inclusivity. Perhaps it is a failure on my part to reach out to people. But to remain being bitter or frustrated/upset is my choice, and I want to choose not to be that way.
