#thoughtsandbones

So You know how I said I was back... Well last two weeks I had a mental breakdown over assignments and I completely fell out of life and just dissociated. Yay we love mental health disorders.... If that makes sense?

In regards to coming back to writing, I will continue the last draft, but I am not sure I how feel about still writing war related fanfic, especially with the genocide going on in Palestine 🇵🇸. My heart aches for all those people, and I am so fucking lucky and privileged compared to those in Palestine, who are being killed by those actual terrorists that is Is-not-real, and their government.

The original storyline I had planned out just does not seem right to write about anymore. And the next chapter may be the last for a while.

But in the meantime:

i just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing :)

happy near year and happy holidays if you celebrate. i hope you’re doing better during this hiatus and know that there are people thinking of you (including me) <3

absolutely no pressure for you to open this and respond/share, have a nice day/night regardless!!l

Helllo Starryrina!

I have been well sort of... Finally got out of the bad relationship and just been kind of 'recovering' the past few weeks. But it is indeed a New Year and new things are on the horizon ahead.

It is currently assessment month for me, I'm not sure if I will return with a continuation of my ongoing series yet.... But you never know! ;)

Hope you have been good and had a good Christmas and New Years and keeping well and hydrated!! <3

Hello Folks,

I am taking a bit of a break from writing, motivation and inspiration is lacking and my mental health hasn't been the best over the past weekend.

Not sure how long I will be gone for, but I will be reading on here, just not posting anything.

this is my first ever ask on tumblr and your blog is also the recipient of my first tumble reblog, so thanks and congrats on helping me come out of my shell in a way on here :)

anyway, i’m sending this ask because i saw your relationship post and i just wanted to say that MEN AINT SHIT ‼️‼️

but fr tho, i want you to know that your feelings about the relationship are valid and i think you should talk to your partner about how their actions are making you feel. also keep in mind that you’re always going to have your readers (aka me!!!) to support you in your “filling the void” fanfics and that you’re not alone in this :)

i hope feel better about all this and know that i look forward to see your notifications of when you post!!

- starryrina ➶-͙˚ ༘✶

Omg Starryrina 💙💙

Thank you so much for this, honestly made me smile and just tear up a bit.

Will try speaking to him (again..) but honestly this relationship has been crumbling for a long time :(

Mainly got back into writing to just cheer myself and now you wonderful readers! I will be back soon with another chapter for our lovely duo.

Good evening folks,

Just want to say thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and commented on my ongoing series. You guys have been a major inspiration and reading other writers work has inspired me greatly.

September has flown by and I am now back at university doing a post grad and there's a lot of work. Before I knew it, it was October and it's spooky season; Halloweem, All Hallows Eve etc..

I have a few ideas definitely of upcoming chapters, so bare with me. Also glad to finally figured out how to make and use banners, my old mind didn't realise I could use canva.

Hope everyone is having a safe and cosy October, wrap up warm and take in the season change.

Yours sincerely,

WARNINGS: Mention of profanity, self harm scars, scars, fluff, anxiety, medical inaccuracies and just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace.

Plot: Doctor Ruhari Hari Kaur (OC is South Asian ☺️) joins the 141 again, but this time as their doctor. After the betrayal of Shepherd and Graves, Task Force 141 begins their hunt on his whereabouts and locating Makarov.

PLEASE reblog and like! Hope folks are enjoying the series, I am building up characters and plots, cos I have a lot ideas and just been enjoying writing :D

Song inspo: Hurt - Nine Inch Nails, No Blame - Christina Chong, Sinner - The Last Dinner Party

I grew up with the OG MW2 game, so there are some references to the old one, so kind of a mix of both the OG and the new timeline... (Also I'm ignoring the OG Shepherd betrayal and keeping in line the one with the new timeline..)

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic! :D

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12 and PART 13

Part 14

Peyton barged into the infirmary, her grin greeting you when you look up from your laptop.

"Oh piss off!" You moan aloud and you watch her shake her head, her short blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight.

She walks over to your desk, her white coat swinging as she walks.

"What are you doing here?" You bite at her not getting up from your chair and crossing your arms.

"You are being so rude!" Peyton shrieks back "I'm trying to be nice here" she said in a lower tone, laughing a little bit shoving her hands in the pockets of her white coat.

Leaning back and spinning slightly in your chair you roll your eyes.

"How long you been here?" You ask

"6 months" Peyton replies giving you a smile

"How did you know I was back?" You ask, you felt like you were doing an interrogation.

"Heard about a little scuffle you had with Dr Jones" Peyton chuckles, sitting down on the chair opposite you.

You lightly laugh back, still not giving in to the conversation

"How.. you been?" You slowly ask

Peyton gives you a wide smile, and twiddles her fingers against you side of the chair

"I've been good" She says "Heard you had a breakdown at Foxham?" She bluntly said.

Wow, straight to the jugular you think and you scoff at her rolling your eyes and turning the chair with your feet.

"Yep" You say sharply.

"Was it like-" She starts

"I'm not talking about it with you" You snap, circling back facing Peyton. She sighs and leans back in her chair, eyes still stuck to you.

"So you're back with your old crew?" She asks, changing the subject.

"Not my old crew" You say "Just not directly with the RAMC" You add leaning forward, arms sliding along the edge of the desk.

"Going on missions?" She asks, it was now her turn to ask the questions

"No.." You say, not indulging in the fact that you were beginning to train to go on missions.

Peyton looks at you curiously, even though it had been a year or so since you last met, the three years together meant she knew when you were hiding something. You were being blunt and avoiding eye contact.. but there were other reasons as to why you would be still angry with her.

"Yeah.." She mumbles, suddenly her pager goes off, that is attached to the waistband of her scrubs. She looks down and saw that she was needed back in one of the wards.

"We should catch up properly" She suggests at you, you were looking down in your black journal.

Some things do not change she thinks

You look up and nod, smiling weakly at her. "Hmm, yeah we should" You say slyly, staring back at her as she checks her pager.

"Nice seeing you again Ru" She says

"See you around Peyton" You say, smiling and then looking down at your journal, staring down at the blank pages.

Just my luck you wonder. Running into your ex at work. You plant your head on top of the pages of the journal, letting out a small groan.

Price's office

It was 5:36 pm when Ghost knocked on Price's office door, with a deck of cards in his hands, tapping the deck against his thigh as he waited for Price to answer. When the door opened Price was on the other side, Ghost peaked in, no one else was there.

Price had said 5pm for this little pre mission gathering. Of course he had tricked him.

"You said 5pm" Ghost gruffed as he walked in to the office. Price knew Ghost didn't like these 'relaxing' gatherings that he started having after they got back from their last mission from Chicago.

"Team bonding exercise Simon" Price huffs patting his on the shoulder. "I knew you come late if I said it actually started at 6" Price added

Ghost grumbled as he sat down on his usual spot on the sofa, drumming his fingers against the deck of cards resting on his thigh.

"You brought cards Simon!" Price bursted out, smiling at him. Ghost looks away and then looks down at the glasses Price placed down on the coffee table. Ghost counted five glasses.

"Who else is coming?" He asks Price

"Gaz, Soap and Hari" He says turning back to his desk where he brought out a carrier bag, bringing to the side of the coffee table.

"Alrigh'" Ghost said

"How was training with her?" Price asks sitting down on his armchair.

"She's lacking crucial core strength, but will improve" He said

"Hmm" Price mumbles "You haven't told-" Price starts

"Not now" Ghost interrupted him, knowing full well where the conversation was going. "Need to focus on this next mission" he adds looking over to Price who nods

There was a rhythmic knock on the door, Price got up and opened it, Soap and Gaz came in.

"Alrigh' Cap?" Gaz says holding a board game, scrabble, in his hand.

"Got Monopoly" Soap says tapping this box

"Looks like it's turning into a games night" Price said closing the door behind him, checking his watch, it was 5:55pm

"Actually sir, this is yours" Gaz says handling the scrabble box to him and taking a seat on the other armchair whilst Soap sat on the sofa and the both laughed.

"Was wondering where this went" Price said setting the game on the coffee table, he was about to sit down, until there was another knock on the door.

Ghost looked up at the door, his heartbear quickened.

"Hari! You made it" Price said patting you on the shoulder, he noticed you holding a mug, Price let out a small chuckle as he let you walk in.

Walking into the office with your mug, and you notice the rest of the team were already there, Gaz, Soap and of course Ghost. You scan round looking for a place to sit, but the only viable option was the small space between Ghost and Soap on the sofa. You notice both men ogle at your bare legs briefly before shifting to the sides as you make your way to the empty spot.

Price orders Gaz to get some ice from the his break room next door, Gaz gets up and leaves.

Ghost switched his gaze from your long brown legs to your pale green shorts and back down at the deck of cards still in its box, he shifts slightly as he sees you in the corner of his eye move to the small space between. Ghost shifts himself further into the arm of the sofa as you sit down.

Bad idea wearing shorts you think as you sit down between Ghost and Soap.

"How you doin' lassie?" Soap asks grinning at you

You turn to look at him, looking blankly at his grin spreading across his face.

"Not bad, yourself?" You say, squeezing your legs together, both Ghost and Soap had their legs spread.

Gaz returns with a bowl full of ice and sets it down on the table and returns to the small armchair.

"Better now" He says winking at you, you smile flatly at him, looking down at empty mug still in your hand.

Ghost overhears what Soap said and turns to him and looks at you, you turn to him.

"How are you lieutenant?" You ask.

He looks down at you, blue eyes baring into your glassy brown eyes, this was the first time he was in close proximity with her.

"Good" he says, trilling his fingers against the desk of cards still in his hand.

"Captain, you're allowing us to drink this evening?" Gaz says perking up at the sight of Price holding a bottle of dark amber liquid in his hand as he heads back to his chair.

"Just one lads" He says "And lass" Price adds looking up at you, now remembering you were here too.

"Nice" Gaz says who quickly grabs a glass from the centre and places a few cubes of ice in it.

"Aye, what is it sir?" Soap says reaching for a glass.

"Scotch" Price says pouring in Gaz's glass that he held.

"So no tea?" You say gesturing to your mug that was in your hand, moving slightly forward.

Ghost looks down at the empty mug that you held within your hands, his eyes linger on your skin, looking at the mole on your right knee.

"Yer can have tea if you'd like, kettle is next door" Price says sitting down on his chair

"Try a bit o' scotch Doc" Soap says nudging you as he grabs a glass from Price and hands it over to you. You take the hand off him and stare at the ice surrounded by the amber liquid.

"Guessin' you never had scotch" Gaz says

"Oh I've had whiskey before" you say "Just don't like the burning sensation"

Ghost can't help but roll his eyes at your comment.

"You've not had good whiskey" He said looking at you as he grabs his glass from Price.

"Ghost loves his whiskey" Gaz laughs and Ghost grunts in response, you smile at Gaz and then turn to Ghost who was focused on the contents of his glass.

"Alright lads and lass" Price begins, bringing his glass up in the air "To a safe mission, cheers" He brings is glass in the middle and the glasses clinks with the others.

You take a sip of the scotch, and couldn't help but wince as the liquid scorched your throat and left a bitter taste on your tongue. You meet Soap's eyes and he laughs at your disgusted face.

"You're supposed to savour it" Soap says, swirling his glass in his hand.

"Savour what? The burning?" You retort, rolling your eyes and placing the glass on the coffee table.

Ghost pulled down his mask once he took a sip. He let the whiskey slide over his tongue before swallowing it. He couldn't detect any other flavours apart from burnt oak. Price got the shit whiskey.

"Shit whiskey that's why" Ghost said looking at Price who tutted and sat back in chair.

"Well I couldn't your fancy whiskey from Tesco's Si-Ghost" Price said, slipping up on Ghost's name. He cleared his throat and took another sip of the whiskey to avoid the glare coming from Ghost.

"Does this fancy whiskey actually have flavour?" You ask, turning to Ghost. Ghost meets your gaze, your brown eyes luring him in.

"Yes" He says, turning away from you so he could take another sip when he lifted his mask up.

"Noah's Mill cost a bloody fortune" Gaz says "£80 for some american whiskey"

"Tastes good though" Soap chimes in

"Prefer a good pint of Budweiser" Gaz replies

"You ain't got fine taste" Ghost says turning to Gaz

"Ghost you drink like an old man" Gaz adds and takes another sip of the scotch.

Ghost shakes his head and drums his fingers against the glass.

"Yer like to drink doc?" Soap says clearing his throat and turns to you, his knees touching yours.

"Not much, can't deal with the hangovers" You say, and take another small sip of the whiskey, this time letting the liquid settle over your tastebuds, trying to see if there was any flavour to this drink. None. You swallow and wince again at the burning.

"Canny imagine you being this wild party lass" Soap says smiling

"No, I wasn't, would have a few drinks after work at the hospital" You say, not giving into the bad benders you'd go on...

You swirl the glass in your hands, feeling squashed slightly between Soap and Ghost.

"Alright, let's play a game" Gaz says, sensing your discomfort. "Cards Ghost?" He said looking at the deck of cards placed on the edge of the coffee table near Ghost. Ghost picked the deck up and handed it to Gaz.

"Rummy?" You suggest

"Good idea" Price says nodding towards you.

Gaz shuffles and deals out the cards. Ghost picks up his stack and partakes in the game, silently observing you and everyone. Nights before a mission were always uneasy for him. The dread of not coming back lingered in the back of his head. And now, with you here. What if he couldn't come back for you?

Soap played his run and picked up a card from the stockpile, Price and Gaz exchanges looks of curiosity, it was Price's turn and he picked a card from the discarded pile and huffed. Gaz, threw down three kings and then it was Ghost's turn. He picked up a card, five of clubs, and then looked over to you. You held your cards close to your chest and picked up a card, queen of hearts, and then threw down three queens with your left hand. The one he nearly crushed.

The game ran for a few rounds, Gaz making a quip at Soap, saying that he was cheating somehow, Soap getting defensive and muttering to himself in his Scottish slang. Price, who's pile of cards in his hands seem to grow as he didn't play his run. You laughed as Gaz threw down his last run, and yelled

"WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!" Pointing at Soap, who threw his cards down on the coffee table and scoffed. Gaz collected the cards and placed them on the box and handed them back to Ghost.

Price looked at his watch, it was nearly 9:15 and the crew had to be up in a few hours.

"It's time for some sleep" Price said, slapping his thighs with his hands. "We need to be fresh for 4am" He adds

The others nod and mumble in agreement and slowly get up. Ghost was the first to get up and head to the door, he turned back towards Price

"Cheers Price, G'night all" He said nodding at everyone in the room. He was met with a chorus of good nights, Soap yawned and waved at him. He saw you smile at him before he left.

"Be safe, and I'll be here when you all get back" You say, picking up the mug and moving towards the door.

"Thanks Doc" Soap says

"Good night Doc, we'll see you when we get back" Gaz said, he puts his fist out and you bump it with yours and smile at him.

"Good night everyone" You say again, leaving Price's office and heading back to your quarters. When will they return you did not know, but you wished they'd come back safely.

...

You laid in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Placing the covers over your head you shut your eyes and trying to drift off. The little cover you made became too hot , tossing the covers off and laying on your back you stare at the ceiling. There was a knock at your door. Throwing the covers off, you look at the alarm clock on the side table, the red numbers that read 10:15 pm flared in the dark.

Who would be needing me at this time? You wondered, getting up from the bed, turning the lamp on, putting on a pair of shorts that lay on your chair, not wanting to great who was on the other side in your bright pink lacy underwear. Opening the door you were greeted by the masked man, Ghost, wearing a think black t-shirt, his muscular veiny arms on show.

Ghost himself was unable to sleep, guilt riddled him as he lay in his own bed. The worry lingered in him before the mission as always, but there was something else, he had to make sure your arm was okay.

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" You ask, rubbing your eyes before looking up at him.

"Yeah, I just..." He trailed off, looking at you and then behind into your room, your bed covers a mess. Clearly he had just woken you up and the guilt increased within him.

"Your arm okay?" Ghost asks, clearing his throat, looking down at your left arm.

Looking down at your forearm, you remember the grip he had. The dull pain came and went, but it wasn't agonising. There was a little bruise from where he grabbed you, lifting your arm up to show him.

"It's all good" You say, smiling slightly.

Why are you so concerned? You thought

Ghost notices the dark red bruise on the forearm you held up in his eyeline. He looked back into your doe eyes and gently took ahold of your wrist, turning your arm over so he could see the other side. Three long red marks, remnants of his fingers that gripped the flesh, trying to crumble the bones had painted your brown skin.

"It's nothing Lieutenant" You say watching him analyse the marks he left. He brought his left hand up, tracing the bruise he made with his fingers, his rough skin going against your soft skin.

"Ghost?" You say, bewildered at how gentle he was being

"Hmm"

"Are you okay?"

"Hmm" He mumbled gently, his steely blue eyes fixed on your arm.

Ghost continued to trace the bruise with his fingers, the warmth coming off your skin was strangely comforting him. He looked up and saw the white scars scattered across your arm. Without thinking, he began to move his fingers, tracing the bumps of the horizontal scars that were near your inner elbow.

You looked at his scars that were on his arms, bigger and judging by the pink and white tissue, these were deeper. Your eyes meets the tattoos on his left forearm, skulls, bullets and bombs.

"These happened a long time ago" Ghost concluded, breaking the silence.

"Yes" You whisper, trying to pry your hand back from Ghost's hands, he let go.

"You don't do that anymore?" He said folding his arms across his chest looking down at you, still in the doorway of your room.

"No sir" You say looking back at him, moving back into your room. "Would you like to come in?" You ask

Ghost takes a deep breathe in. He knew he was in dangerous territory, his eyes flickered to your bed and then around your room. Stepping in to your room, he closed the door behind him slightly, folding his arms again.

"Can't sleep sir?" You say looking at Ghost, now in the middle of your room.

"Just needed to make sure your arm is okay" Ghost said "That was irresponsible of me" He added

"You had a panic attack sir, it's understandable. Plus, I am okay, otherwise I would've said" You reply smiling at him

The upfront honesty was a breath of fresh air for Ghost. He moved closer to you.

"I owe you a cuppa Doc" He said

You look at his blue eyes glazed and became slightly crinkled, a sign you took for him smiling underneath his mask.

"Yorkshire chai when you come back then" You say looking up him smirking.

Ghost gave out stifled huff, turning away from you to the little lamp on your bedside table and then back to you. The yellow hue had bathed your skin, your eyes turning a shade honey brown, drawing him in.

Just like that he stepped closer to you, reaching his arms out, pulling you into him. He wrapped his left arm over your back and his right he held your head in his chest. Ghost closed his eyes, hoping you wouldn't pull away.

You were shocked at first, but you wrapped your arms around his waist, squeezing tight. Taking his scent, a mix of cigarettes and musk, eiter from his aftershave or antiperspirant.

Ghost slowly let you go, his hands bracing your shoulders, he cleared his throat and looked at you as your held onto his elbows.

"Sorr-" He began

"Did you know there was study that showed hugs reduce blood pressure and stress" You blurt

Ghost was taken aback, and smirked under his mask and let go of you, folding his arms across his chest again.

"Yes, levels of oxytocin increase in the brain" You add "Just some things I know" You say smiling brightly at Ghost

"Hmm" He mumbled "Do feel a bit better" He added

"Good" You reply. "As your doctor, I am happy to help" You add looking at Ghost, whose eyes began to wonder around your room where they finally rested on the alarm clock on your table that read 10:40 pm

"Need to actually sleep" He said, gazing back at you, you nod and smile at him

"Big day tomorrow" You whisper "Good luck with the mission, I'll see you when you're back for that tea"

"'Course doc" Ghost said, he moved to the door and walked out, stopping momentarily to look back at you "Thank you... for the hug.." He mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

You laugh slightly, and walk towards the doorway and look at his steely blue eyes. "Anytime Ghost, I'll always be here" You beam at him and he nods at you

"Good night Doc" He said

"Good night lieutenant" You reply and wave at him as he walked off down the corridor to his room. Closing the door you let out of a sigh and a smile had taken a hold of your face.

Hi all!

I have been away, not been feeling the greatest, and also been a busy end of university period.

Currently, I have part 14 in the works, should be published soon. This weekend I am hoping to create a masterlist and ~official~ title for my xOC series. I am hoping if someone can help me on how to create a good masterlist post, I keep seeing other blogs with cool masterlists with nice banners and wondering if folks have any tips?

Please also follow my tag: #thoughtsandboneswrites