But love cannot hold when the wheel turns, and the cart must leave the lane. The stone walls, lichen-kissed and crooked, know this well—they whisper so to the restless wind.

Still, my heart stumbles. Will the oaks bend lower, seeking my absent touch?

The fields stretch out as though in prayer, their golden stubble catching the last light.

I leave behind my silence, my shape in the long grass, my ache in the air.

Cautiously, he murmured, "maybe you need the chance to miss me," instantly regretting the words that slipped from his lips. Unexpressed thoughts can bear the heaviest weight. No rescuing those words was possible now; they hung in the air, laden with unspoken implications. Would those words resurface, etching their mark on her mind? Did she secretly yearn to miss him, to feel the void of his absence? Perhaps she already longed for a version of him lost to the past, a version he could no longer embody. He ached to unravel her hidden depths, to discover the desires and secrets she held close. In the ensuing silence, he wished for a glimpse into her mind, to hear the words she would never share. But all he could do was ponder, awaiting answers that may never come.

His heart ached for strength and self-assurance, to exude confidence untethered from external validation. Deep within, he wanted to believe his mere presence could be felt, even in the room's forgotten corners. Yet, he grappled with how to embark on this transformative journey. The path ahead was unfamiliar, like wandering through an unmapped land. Seeking guidance, he found resonating instructions - but only written in an incomprehensible language. Every fiber of his being yearned for metamorphosis, shedding insecurities and embracing his inherent worth. But the steps to manifest this change remained elusive, as if he stood on the threshold of a locked realm. To embark on the journey of self-transformation, he understood it required courage, perseverance, and a willingness to explore the unknown. Deciphering the language of his soul, he sought the strength to navigate uncharted territories, inching closer to the self-assurance and self-compassion he craved.

Just as fervently, he yearned to genuinely understand her, to delve beyond the surface and explore the profound depths of her being. Despite his claim of knowing her better than anyone, a persistent sense lingered—there was more to her, an essence concealed, awaiting revelation. Had others glimpsed this side of her? Was there a time when she revealed it, only to retreat in regret, vowing never to expose that vulnerability again? Or perhaps she herself remained unaware of its existence? Concrete evidence eluded him, yet his intuition, deep in his bones, pulled him towards the uncharted territory of her soul. He sensed the presence of hidden aspects, waiting to be unveiled, longing to be witnessed. Could he be the sole unraveler of the mysteries within her, or would it require both of them, hand in hand, to unearth the hidden facets of her being? His yearning to comprehend her completely fueled his curiosity and sparked a shared desire for a journey of discovery. Together, they could unravel the layers that obscured her true self, revealing the intricate depths beneath. In their connection, he respected her autonomy, recognizing her ability to determine the extent to which she would unveil herself to him, including, potentially, hidden facets yet undiscovered even by her own self.

These conflicting desires burdened his conscience, leaving him with an overwhelming sense of guilt. Could he possibly pursue his own self-discovery while striving to understand her? Or would his focus on her become an escape from his own inner journey? The fear of losing her lingered in his mind—would investing his energy within lead to her slipping away? He questioned how she would perceive his transformation. Would she love him more as he embraced his true identity and pursued his passions? Or would she love him less, interpreting his introspection as a retreat from her?

Fear does not determine value. 

I once thought that because I fear losing something, that must mean I value it greatly. I thought that someone who feared losing me must think me so special. Recently, while combing through my Bible, I came across this one text that I had highlighted before. I do not remember when or why I highlighted it, but it was there: 1 John 4:18. Today, as I was watching a popular relationship-centered reality show, it hit me. These people were so desperate and hung up on the fear of losing each other that they were hurting each other. The only reason they were hurting and inflicting pain on each other is because they feared - feared losing the other, feared the amount of pain the other could possibly inflict of them, feared.

Fear is erratic. In some cases, fear is irrational. In all cases, fear incites anxiety or panic. Neither of these things can be or should be called a product of love. It is not something to be glorified. I remember my first relationship. Because he was so scared I might do something to betray him, it caused him to act out in such a way that caused me great pain to the point that I realized - this was not love. If he loved me, he would find peace in me. In my love, he would find joy patience, faith, kindness... (Galatians 5:22-23) Instead, he feared. This caused our relationship great suffering. It was a love that was damaged. And we were so overcome by fear that we could not make the necessary repairs. 

Today, I am married to a man who, when we agreed to tie ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives, there was no fear. And on our wedding day when the car broke down on the way to get made up and dressed for our appointed wedding, there was no panic - only peace. Someone who, when I think about my future with him, our love helps me overcome some of that fear that starts creeping in.

I will not say that my love with my husband is perfect. I will not say that I do not still fear some aspects of our future. I do. Sometimes I worry about our financial future and how much of what we want to do we can really accomplish. However, I will say that our love is something that helps me battle that fear, not something that incites it. I do not want to live my life in fear. I do not want the people I love to believe that fear is caused by or enhances love. I want to continue practicing my love by casting out fear and getting to the point where it shall be made perfect in the absence of it.

With God, I fear. I will come out and say it right now. I fear. I fear the future. I fear my judgment. I fear my sin. Yet, I hope. I recognize the wrong in my fear and I am willing to work on my love for Him until I get to the point where I fear no more. I long for the day in which I can face each day so connected to Him that I do not fear anything that may come in our way or attempt to break that connection. I long for the day in which I look at His Word and hear His Voice and do not fear it. I long for the day my love for Him is made perfect. 

Perfect love inspires confidence, not fear. 

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"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 (NKJV)

In many cultural and historical contexts, success is often mistakenly framed as the triumph of individual genius. Yet real achievement — whether in innovation, art, or human progress — usually emerges from connection: between people, ideas, communities, and shared understanding.

Connecting allows us to build meaning, expand perspectives, and overcome barriers that no lone creator can solve. From collaborative invention to cultural fusion, the threads of connection bind success together.

Setiap hari adalah proses mendidik diri agar bertumbuh menjadi versi yang lebih baik. Bukan dengan tuntutan yang keras, melainkan melalui kesadaran yang lembut dan jujur.

Sebagaimana kita menyapa orang lain dengan perhatian, diri sendiri pun layak diajak berbicara. Ia perlu didengarkan saat letih, dirayakan ketika bahagia, dipeluk ketika sedih, lalu ditemani dengan sabar untuk memahami cara menghadapi hidup yang terus bergerak.

Dalam perjalanan ini, penting bagi kita untuk benar-benar mengenal diri sendiri. Mengenali batas, menerima kekurangan, dan menghargai setiap usaha kecil yang sering kali luput dari perhatian. Bertumbuh bukan tentang menjadi sempurna, melainkan tentang hadir sepenuhnya dalam proses.

Semoga kita senantiasa mengisi hati dengan prasangka yang baik, menumbuhkan harapan yang jernih, serta menjaga tekad yang tenang namun kuat untuk terus melangkah. Bertumbuh pelan-pelan, tanpa tergesa, tanpa kehilangan diri.

Karena pada akhirnya, perjalanan menuju diri yang lebih utuh dimulai dari keberanian untuk memahami dan menerima diri sendiri.

Artist. 

Writer. 

Sarcastic asshole.