#thoth*

Thoth! For my big sis.

Djehuty and Khonsu like to play games. I think I’m dealing with Khonsu the child. And that I’m happy to have both around.

I hadn’t realized that Djehuty was helping out with something I asked him to (but totally forgot) almost a year ago and that’s writing. I used to write at least a poem or two a day but slowly I stopped writing as often. I remember when he first appeared and I learned who he was, that I prayed to him and asked him to help me find my inspiration again. I thought I had found it until I was left uninspired a few days later.

I didn’t see much of Djehuty after that and I thought I had let him down. He disappeared for a long time actually.

It wasn’t until recently that I figured out that he may have stepped back to allow for Anup to suggest shadow work. Funny thing is that I was so afraid of letting go of my sadness because I thought I would lose my inspiration. Djehuty must of recognized this and he stepped back to allow space for me to start healing.

It’s been almost 8 months and I’ve been doing shadow work. My sadness fuelled depression turned into a numbed and lifeless one which was further fuelled by another mental illness. Slowly, I’ve been beginning to come out of this with the help of Anup and Set and sometimes Aset.

It wasn’t until then that Djehuty showed up again. I felt his presence and without much effort I’ve been writing again. Words are coming back naturally. My first piece in a long time was a poem dedicated to him. I want to write another one during this new moon as a mark of a new cycle.

With Djehuty also came Khonsu. He’s a very child like figure and he kind of brings out the inner child I had locked away for several years now. He reminds me to laugh at silly things and to do at least one thing that makes me feel free like when I was a child.

They also like to challenge me to figure out their puzzles. During one meditation session I asked Djehuty to join me. I usually see Djehuty as an ibis and not as a baboon. I read somewhere that one of Khonsu’s sacred animals is the baboon. To make it a bigger mystery the baboon appeared to me with glasses and writing hieroglyphs that look very similar to Khonsu’s name. And then I heard “keep writing your story”.

I cracked up laughing mid-meditation and asked them which one of them was it. Because Djehuty has me writing a personal novella in detail as a form of shadow work but also as a creative writing exercise and yet he hasn’t appeared to me as a baboon and Khonsu was around a lot.

I, of course, didn’t get a clear answer. But I have to admit that I still giggle to myself whenever I think about it.

Djehuty is still around especially when I start writing. He’s been the most actively out of the Deities I work with.

Anup has reappeared and is watching things from a distance.

Set appears here and there. Mostly to kick my ass into gear. But he also sometimes reminds me to stop and ground myself (he helps by sometimes spontaneously making it rain). This has helped with dissociation.

Aset is like mama bear and has been my source of comfort during these last few weeks(these last few weeks have been difficult and have taken their toll).

Artemis is in the background as well. She hasn’t been very active lately.

And Khonsu is also around and pops up unexpectedly. I don’t know what he has in mind but one of these days I’ll find out.