#thodmcmol

About 200 Years ago:

Mundus: I am the most powerful demon in the underworld and every human and demon in existence will obey me or face my wrath!

Sparda: Chortles I'm about to ruin this man's whole career. Come catcheth these hands, Mundus. I do not have all day.

About 1980 or so years after putting Mundus under house arrest:

Sparda: Okay, I've been in the human world longer than Atlantis has been underwater, and I am incredibly lonely. Even my loyal apprentices are nowhere to be found. I suppose that I will just have to settle for dying a lonely hero then. What a shame...

Eva: Crawls out of the monster fucker closet Um, hello? Very attractive demon fellow? I couldn't help but notice that you seem very lonely sitting here alone. Would you possibly be looking for some company, even if only for a moment? I absolutely adore your completely out of date way of dressing.

Sparda: ... I am absolutely having children with her.

Eva: Did you say something? I'm sorry, I did not hear you.

One year prior to DMC3 in the book Code 2: Vergil:

Vergil: I have not seen Dante in several years. Perhaps this battle will be worth the wait. Time to procure Dante's half of our mother's amulet and unlock the portal to the underworld.

Dante gets his ass handed to him by Vergil.

Vergil: ... Take the amulet, Dante. I will come back for this soon. Put up a better fight next time. This is unacceptable.

One year later in DMC3:

Vergil: I have come for my rematch, brother! Levels the whole town with a giant demon tower that functions as a Hellgate.

Dante: Ok, this shouldn't be a problem. Time to beat his ass!

Dante gets his ass handed to him by Vergil... again.

Vergil: ... Am I a joke to you? You had a year to prepare for this battle, and this is it? Foolishness, Dante. Foolishness! Stabs Dante with Rebellion, activating his dormant DT

Dante: See, now you've fucked up. I'm going to kill you.

Vergil: Okay, now I'm motivated! Finally, a real threat!

Another fight happens a few hours later, it's a tie, Vergil falls in a pit and takes his sweet time getting out of it, the Hellgate gets opened by a demon clown, the twins and Lady wreck the clown in two back to back battles, and Dante and Vergil are fighting on a waterfall that is magically at the front entrance to hell, which is in the sky btw. Look, I don't know either lol.

Dante: Bro, why are we even fighting? We're twins! We're supposed to get along! What's your endgame, anyway? Like, what do you want? What are you even gonna do with all this power?

Vergil: Look, either I'm taking the amulet and our father's sword, or I'm taking your life. I don't have all day.

Dante: Oh yea? What else do you have planned?

Vergil: Anything but this. Mostly Murder. Lets fight already.

Vergil finally loses a fight to Dante.

Vergil: Well, time to Yeet off of this waterfall into hell and ruin both of our lives for years to come! Bye Dante! Have fun trying to figure out how to get this magical demon tower to go back into hell and killing all the lesser demons! Also, I need you to basically adopt my unwanted orphan son. Mkay later! Yeets into hell after damn near cutting Dante's hand off with Yamato.

Dante: ... I have so many questions...

Lady: Hey... sorry about you brother. Are you crying?

Dante: Sorry about your dad turning out to be a mom murdering demon clown. Oh, and it's fine. Vergil is dead all the time. Basically, all I do is mourn his loss constantly. And I am not crying! It's just raining, but only on my face. Devil's don't cry. Epiphany moment Oh! I just figured out a name for my demon hunting shop! Thanks, bro! Vergil? Oh, yea... he's dead again.

Fortuna, a decade or so after Eva's death:

Vergil: I have heard that my father's history in this accursed town runs very deep. They seem to worship him. As much as it loathes me, perhaps I should get the point of view of a local.

Nero's Mother: Crawls out of Eva's monster fucker closet in Sir, I may be able to help you... in more ways than one. You seem to be in need of company and local knowledge. I would like to assist you. I could guide you around the area if you'd like.

Vergil: Foolish girl... You do not know who I-

Nero's Mother: No, but I would like to. I am also single and you are very attractive. I presume you are single?

Vergil: Yes, and not entirely human for that matter. But I did not come here to find a date. This is for business not pleasure. That is not to say that I do not find you quite pretty.

Nero's Mother: Oh, that's a shame. I was completely fine with you not being fully human, but I suppose that doesn't meret...

Vergil: Crooks head to the side Ah, if I may stop you there... Are you then fine with having a child with me that do not find out about until much later and leaving said child in an awful orphanage so that he may grow up feeling deeply unloved and abandoned with authority issues, just as I did? Also, you must not, under any circumstances allow my twin brother Dante to know about the boy. He would most certainly adopt him and we cannot risk the child feeling wanted and having a normal childhood.

Nero's Mother: ... Where have you been all my life you, handsome not entirely human, stranger?! What a wonderful idea!

Vergil:... Perfection.

Nero's Mother: Also, you said something about a twin-

Vergil: No. You want me. Forget that I even mentioned him.

And that is how we got Nero... Hopefully this is obvious satire by now lol.