#thisisnotus

The tension is real here. There are rumors that there are still protestors ( white supremacist and nationalist) still lingering in the city. We were told to carry protection especially around the downtown mall at night time and to keep our heads up and ears open. People are mad at city council for  “allowing” this to happen. There is a beautiful memorial set up for Heather Heyer and the two Virginia State police officers that died. People are protesting all around the country in response to this domestic terrorism.

I was driving to my older sisters house. She lives about ten minutes away from downtown and my routine is to drive through downtown to get to her house because I love downtown and looking at all the people and restaurants. I started my normal route and as soon as I got to the turn to go through downtown I remember the images on T.V. I remember people saying go around downtown. Even stopping at a red light could be dangerous. I would drive past the parking garage that  twenty year old Deandre Harris was beat up in by white supremacist  with poles. I took another route. The fear imbedded in me is substantial. Locking my doors, rolling my windows up at stop lights ( I have to get my air fixed) because I am afraid someone is going to roll up to my car. I have to go buy a Taser and pepper spray... I know I should have these things anyway but now I actually feel like I should have this on me.

I heard people say that there should have been more Black people out their counter protesting. In my own personal opinion...Back during The Civil Rights Movement Black people protest in large numbers because they were being treated unfairly. They had no rights. They had no freedom. They didn't count as people! They protested in large numbers for their rights and got beaten, power sprayed with water hose and so much more. My grandparents lived through that. My mom caught the tail end up that. This trauma is called generational trauma. So when my mom called me told me not to go protesting downtown....and hearing house serious she was. I decided not to go. I could not imagine for a split second someone telling my parents...especially my mom that I was killed while protesting in the streets. I can’t do that. There are other ways to protest hate and violence. Some people think not doing anything is the wrong answer and I slightly agree but when doing something puts your life in danger then sometimes it’s not a bad idea to stay safe.

I kind of stand in the middle about things. I don’t think city council should have granted the permit for a rally. I think they should have granted space for a panel discussion or something to that nature. I also think that they should have, in some type of way, prep the community. The community did a good job last time with offering counseling and other activities to promote safety and unity. I know that what happened over the weekend was anticipated but I don't believe anyone could have been prepared for that.

My almost ten year old nephew asked me and his mom were they going to burn Charlottesville down. The look on his little face, a young black little man,  was enough to send me into an internal emotional meltdown. We manage to tell him no they are not burning the town down. I wonder how parents and teachers are explaining these things to the next generation.

(I think that part of your ask was eaten)