#thisbringsmejoy

Who's gonna drive you home. Tonight? Drive - The Cars I bought a car. While this might not seem like a monumental event in most of your lives; in mine - this is colossal. There was a point in my life when I loved to drive - I grew my hair out, so it could be pulled up on top my head (i.e. convertible hair), bought a rag top and never looked back. Putting that roof down bought me the freedom I had always craved. But when I moved to New York City in 2005, I left my silver mustang, along with my love of cruising the open road, in California. I gave up driving for walking the city blocks, navigating the subway system and hailing cabs. And somewhere along the way, I let my license expire (yes - very short-sighted, but I had designed my life to be walkable and thought this was always going to be the case.). As I traveled the world, I preferred to explore new cities on foot or jump into the back of a tuk tuk. (Fact: When a tuk tuk picked you up at the airport, it was guaranteed to be the start of a good experience). Returning to the states, I was too damaged to dress myself let alone drive. I had a strong lattice of family, friends and resources - all of whom went out of their way to get me where I needed to be, keep me company, support me so the only thing I needed to worry, think about, deal with...was healing. I woke up one day...those feelings of freedom and independence bubbling up inside me I knew a driver's license would be a good step to get me what I craved. After some simple research, it was determined that my license had not been expired THAT long. December 2019 - About $75 being handed over to the woman behind the counter at the local messenger service got me a valid driver's license. Crazy - right? I knew I would wait until Spring to buy a car. What I didn't expect was to have to buy a car in the middle of a pandemic....... (random picture - MM and I took a tour of the temples and rice fields in a rented convertible - Ubud, September 2018) #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #newnormal #traveltheworldwithme #bali #ubud (at Ubud, Bali, Indonesia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_6KYUogKlc/?igshid=d5nk1nnwpypu

It'll be just like starting over Starting over (& over & over & over) John Lennon Continued - but before you get a job, you need to interview for said job. Am I ready for this? I had a one video preliminary interview in the fall. It was achingly obvious I wasn't ready to work when, 3 minutes in, I started talking about cancer (diagnosis, treatment) when ask "what have you been up to since your last role in 2018?". Why? I didn't have anything to discuss because Cancer is "what I've been up to since my last role in 2018". Things are different now. I have done things. I have things to talk about. Having been in the workforce a long time, I know how to interview. I am good at it. I have an elevator speech ready on the tip of my tongue. I can talk about my accomplishments for 5 minutes, or realistically 5 hours if you want to give me that kind of time. I know what questions to ask, what research to do. I know how to sell myself. I've done this before, with great success. What I haven't done is all of this, while I am in the midst of cancer treatment which caused a lengthy job gap. So when an organization called yesterday to schedule an in person interview (during a pandemic???), starting to go through my mental checklist of interview prep. I needed to add a few new items to this list: - discuss with my therapist. Does she think I'm ready for this? (She does) - update my employment counselor (disability has some great resources most people don't know about) - Talk to a Diversity/Accommodation Expert (a friend) to discuss when/how to approach the subject of my treatment/accommodation needs. (too early to discuss - wait until a role is offered) I don't expect perfection. I expect this to be practice for the many more interviews to come. A luxery I have right now is time. Time to choose the right next step as I start over. I don't expect this to be easy. But I do expect it to be worth it. Random 2016 pictures from Istanbul's Basilica Cistern...and how I feel sometimes when starting over. #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #rebirthday #newnormal #stemcelltransplant #startingover #traveltheworldwithme #istanbul (at Istanbul, Turkey) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_psijnAT1X/?igshid=1kekvqlueiivp

There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don’t you? Rumi All the stem cell transplant research pointed to the 12 month recovery mark as a time when I could expect to reach my "new normal". And while I'm still not entirely sure of what this "new normal" is, I think one area where I feel like I've hit the ready mark - I think (think being the operative word here) I might (might?) be ready to get back into the workplace. But Kelley. (you might ask)..Didn't you travel to Australia last summer (less than three months after your transplant) for six weeks? And didn't you just roam through Asia for three months? Yes...yes on both accounts. I do need to point out - traveling and working are two entirely different categories of life. Just look at the definitions. Travel defined: to make a journey, typically of some length, or abroad. Whereas we define work as: activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or a result. Travel during recovery is "easy"; rest when rest is needed, sleep when sleep is needed. I've become very attuned with my chemo cycle and know when to plan a day of mellow activities. One January day in Chiang Mai I took six hours to walk four miles. Why? Because that was the pace my body was dictating. (OK - four miles, three coffee shops, lunch and numerous new sites). Work, on the other hand, while in recovery is not "easy". Any work I would be involved in would require mental effort. And there are days when my brain is still foggy - Cancer related cognitive impairment or cognitive dysfunction. Days when I can't grasp words that I need. Days when my thoughts are jumbled. Those days are becoming fewer, less prevalent and less severe. Which is why we are to this point in our conversation. I think I'm ready to sit at the table; to make some decisions; to develop some new policies and implement new procedures. I think it's time to fill the void...and get a job. (to be continued.....) (Pictures - April 2018) #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #rebirthday #newnormal #stemcelltransplant #traveltheworldwithme #cambodia #bengmealea (at Beoung Mealea Temple ប្រាសាទបឹងមាលា) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_oDFW8glov/?igshid=12sp2lz3zcxq2

And I'll find strength in pain And I will change my ways I'll know my name as it's called again. The Cave - Mumford & Sons My (re) Birthday April 25, 2019 - the stem cell transplant. The nurses present me with a huge 🎉🎊Happy Birthday🎉🎊 balloon. In my confusion, they explain that most people consider this their re-birthday. Laying in a hospital bed watching my stem cells flow through a clear tube leading to the triple-lumen catheter that has punctured my chest. The purpose of the stem cells - to bring me back to life after the brutally arduous treatment that was just inflicted upon my body. A re-birth. When I am faced with an unknown (any unknown. in any part of my life. personal. professional. practical. emotional), I research. And after that research, things typically start to make sense. Of course the unknown of the stem cell transplant was no different. Except it was. Because even after all the research, it still didn't make sense. A re-birth? "recovery could take up to 12 months to reach your new normal." "Many people consider their transplant a re-birth or second chance at life." "Expect setbacks." A re-birth? I just couldn't comprehend what that meant. Why would I need 12 months? (Especially after the doctors lifted my restrictions, and let me travel Day 85 post transplant). A second chance at life? Have I been doing it all wrong that I need a second chance? A new normal? What the fuck is that? Set backs? Oh...I've had those before. I can handle that (or so I thought). So here we are..day 365 post-transplant....my re-birth day, and as I look back on the past year, I am starting to comprehend what the research meant; or at least some of it........ (Picture from my porch in Ubud, Bali - April 2018) #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #rebirthday #newnormal #stemcelltransplant #traveltheworldwithme #bali #ubud #sunset (at Ubud, Bali, Indonesia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_bHcAgAfQx/?igshid=ik91ytlkry35

It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed. Ram Das Brisbane - Sydney - LA - Minneapolis - Pittsburgh My travel path (not by choice...by necessity) the past two days. I feel like this koala, and will take the next day or so to settle in. I will be self isolating until April 6th-ish and plan to use this time to firm up some life (not travel) plans for the rest of 2020. More to follow....... #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #traveltheworldwithme #australia #brisbane #daisyhillkoalasanctuary #koala (at South Greensburg, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-DvjgrAsFQ/?igshid=qq3t170qwgy4

Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world. Mary Oliver My last Australian sunset. Sydney - LA - Minneapolis - Pittsburgh The airport is busier than I expected, but eerily quiet. At least half the flights on the board are cancelled, which was expected. Of the three LA flights, two are cancelled. My thoughts - they just consolidated all of us to get a full flight. It has been business as usual-ish in Australia these past few weeks. They are slowly starting to see changes, but nothing like what some others are going through. I have been trying to keep up with the news as best I can. And am prepared (as best I can be) for the state of the world I am entering. #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #traveltheworldwithme #australia #brisbane #wellingtonpoint #maryoliver (at Sydney Airport) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-AvkYMAG11/?igshid=1jioly3b09fyf

Let's swim to the moon. Let's climb through the tide. Surrendered to the waiting worlds. That lap against our side. Jim Morrison King Island. Less than an acre in size, sits off the coast of Wellington Point. At high tide, it's an island. At low tide, the island joins the point. At the lowest tide, you can easily navigate between the two via a sandbar. My epic experience will come to an end tomorrow as I begin to travel home (although I anticipate the trip home to be an experience unto itself). While this is not the termination point I expected, the lessons I have learned and the strength I have gained during this journey will not be diminished. It has been an emotionally charged few weeks for me, as it has been for many of you. One day I may share the stories of these weeks, but for now I will say....at these lowest of times, I feel so connected to the people across the globe that I love. More to follow as I navigate this journey home..... #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #traveltheworldwithme #australia #brisbane #wellingtonpoint #kingisland #lowtide (at King Island Conservation Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B989U28gBDi/?igshid=gl29aevrpois

It's a good idea always to do something relaxing prior to making an important decision in your life. Paulo Coelho The koala seem to be experts on this. Sleeping 16-22 hours a day means they are always relaxed before they make that important decision to climb down from their perch and find a new tree. I have been on the hunt for a "koala in the wild" since I arrived in Australia. After several failed attempts, we did see a couple during a morning walk. High atop the gum trees, they blended with the leaves. The experience left me disappointed. Yesterday, to satisfy my desire, we drove to Daisy Hill Koala Sanctuary. Watching Molly do her morning stretches before she took a nap was a delight. I'd been attempting to contact Delta since Friday. Six to eight hour hold times. Calling at very random hours hoping to avoid a rush. Unsuccessful. Last night I had made the important decision to call again, expecting to stay up all night if needed. 37 minute hold time. Something I was not expecting. It was almost comical. When the rep answered, I imagined him crossing my name, the last remaining name, off the list "We've been waiting for you to call Kelley. Our job here is done." #recommence #carryonwithkelley #THISbringsmejoy #fuckcancer #storytelling #traveltheworldwithme #australia #brisbane #wellingtonpoint #daisyhill #daisyhillkoalasanctuary #koala (at Daisy Hill Koala Sanctuary) https://www.instagram.com/p/B92sjQ1gh40/?igshid=o1ymqva11pu3