#this decision

maybe it’s just me, who doesn’t hate the ending, but idk i feel like people are missing a bit more of the depth of that moment. At first, Ellie remembers Joel in the worst, most scarring way. In the way that she was never able to forget and lead her to find abby one last time and its this memory that stops her from letting Abby simply just walk away. But as she is killing Abby she remembers Joel in a different light. And this scene i think is Really specifically chosen, and we find out after. The flash of Joel that Ellie see’s is of him playing the guitar. That night is the night before he died, and it’s a conversation we didn’t know they had had. That conversation is one in which we learn that Ellie had decided to forgive Joel. Throughout the game it became more clear feeling that Ellie felt really bad because she never forgave him but clearly what it was is that she HAD forgiven him, but it was too late almost. But i think this idea of forgiveness is important because while i don’t think Ellie forgives Abby, i think what stops her is that forgiveness towards Joel. killing Abby would have killed off a side of Ellie that Joel went through hell to protect - Joel’s decision that Ellie hated him for, and destroyed their relationship, was a decision he made because he saw all of that good inside of Ellie and he loved her so much for that. That is who he was protecting and in the end Ellie came to realize a version of that i think. And that’s why she started to forgive him for what he had done. And so in that moment as she’s about to let Abby die by her hand, Ellie remembers Joel in the moment where she told him she’s ready to start forgiving him. They could have chosen ANY other moment but it was this one and i think that’s to show that Ellie realized that she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t kill Abby because it would have spoiled Joels decision to save her. Ellie felt off throughout so much of the game and as it went further but that’s because she was slowly losing herself (a big part of the game) and i really really think that by killing Abby, Ellie would never be the same. Because unlike Abby Ellie has remorse for the ways she killed these people along the way. So sure, be angry about how Ellie didn’t get her revenge, but personally i’m glad she didn’t because losing Ellie in that act is not one that i would want to see. And i don’t think it’s what Joel would want to see either.

Reminder that it’s good to care about yourself and your own happiness! Relatedly, I’ve made a decision about something I’ve been thinking about for a long time but never totally decided on before now

excuse me real quick gotta rant in these tags

so right now I'm putting off here lies the abyss bc it's come to my attention that the boss at the end is Hard, and I want to be at the higher end of the recommended level, which is 15. I'm at level 14 right now, but I'm starting to think that I'm going to find other convenient excuses to keep avoiding that quest because I accidentally found out the choice I have to make and I don't wanna