#thinythoughts

Uh, pretty much accidental but I didnt really felt like eating today because I felt sick about drinking alcohol so much.

Went to school and started coding for a couple of hours non-stop. Woke up at lunch, missed out dinner to work and got too lazy for supper. Counted that it's been 12h since, might as well try for a... 7 days water fast?

Stepped on the scale, no change.

As the title informs, this is my last stretch before I hit the normal bmi values. I have around 6 to 8kg more to lose before I enter "healthy zone".

School's out 2 weeks and Imma be honest with y'all this semester was a heck of a roller coaster ride.

I've got a drinking problem.

I flunked a couple of modules.

I didn't lose weight since I started drinking(but I did maintain the loss.)

I can't tell you enough how much I hate myself more. How I always wear shorts and see the way my fats surface up when my thighs rest on chairs; Oh how I wish I can just make a deep cut and let them out of my body.

It's a new semester in 2 weeks and I'm gonna keep drinking capped at a maximum of once a week. I will do 2 sets of 1 week diets and give myself some sort of recovery weeks in between.

I aim to pass this everything this semester and be 60kg(I'm 66kg now) by the end of the year.

I want to be more beautiful.

By that I mean I want to lose another 10kg fast so I can see my face get sharper and having less of my fat thighs.

I want to wear tapered skinny jeans.

I want to wear cropped tees

I want to tell everyone who has called me fat before to shut up. I want a good and pretty life.

I stood on the scales today and I am 67.6kg. I really hope it wouldn't bounce back to 68kg because I've been stuck there for so long it's like I already hate the number.

Changes in my diet

1. I tried keto. I craved carbs.

2. I went mid carb low fat low cal.

3. I ate smaller meals and more frequently.

4. I took my vitamins daily.

5. I did eat fried food?

6. Absolutely no sugar.

7. Remembered a few lines by heart and reiterated them when I am about to eat due to hunger that I am not sure of.

I hate myself; I hate my body, my lack of control and the way I bloat up when my period's here.

My period came early this month and so guess who bloated up? I was already retaining extra weight from the drinks and supper from the other day when I accompanied my friend. Now it's even worst.

The magnesium oxide I've been taking did help. Now my period's adding on to it so I keep heading to the toilet. But it's all water so... idk what it was that came out of me. It's like my digestive tract decided to leave the solids and only brought the liquids along with it. 🤦‍♀️

Today's weigh in in the morning: 68.6kg.

Lololol holy suit I didn't really lose any weight. I lost a max of 3 kg at one point and it all came back.

Okay, so the last time I lost weight was 3 years ago and at that time, I exercised for an hour everyday and ran for 5.4km every other day. Still got really fat thighs though. I ate super clean too. I had steamed vegs with soy sauce and hard boiled eggs. I even tried keto and the master cleanse when I hit a plateau towards the end. But the weights from master cleansing were not permanent. They sprang back the moment I started eating again. Horrible times.

Anyway so now I'm a couple of kilos heavier than last week and I'm also constipated and very bloated.

Hi there I ate too much for the past 2 days and bam! Back to 69kg on the scale.

Seriously! The scale is such a mean thing. 👎

GUILT LOG

Yesterday, a friend was having a bad day and I need her to be happy because I like her that much. I accompanied her to drink 🥂and no regrets. Really, I don't. The only regret I had was having too much food after that! Hahah I think we definitely ordered a couple of plates🥢 too many. 🤢 Imagine, I was so full that my sides hurt!

Anddd today! I was busy working out my assignment 📟⌨💻 and I basically skipped lunch and dinner and so guess who was deprived by supper? 🙋‍♀️ Me. I should have skipped it 🤦‍♀️ and went home but I believe it was a sad day for another friend. 😞

Now in a telegram chat▶️, someone suggested buffet and BBQ for a gathering. God fuck me no.

I'm too poor to spare that calorie intake and money for it.

Saying "No" don't drive them away though. I wish I can say I won't be free. I just can't lie like that. 👼 This sucks so bad. To everyone I love, if you love me then let me starve and be happy. 😭👩‍🎤🧞‍♀️

I feel like investing in a full length mirror too! Just so I can feel appalled by myself and be more motivated to lose weight. 🧟‍♀️