#thinking thoughs

But he's not evil, I don't think I can categorize him as a bad person either, he genuinely has good intentions, he tries to be good, I know he doesn't want to be like his parents(the "maybe because you're a horrible person" comment after Elspeth talks about her aversion for uglyness, also can we talk about Felix's distance relationship with his dad, that's for another post AHHH) (he also feels so bad after Farleigh gets kicked out, bringing the conversation he has with him, trying to defend him)

And he genuinely cares about Oliver and loves him. I mean, he got Oliver to saltburn after Ollie tells him about his "dead" father, ask for Oliver's mum with concern, he didn't embarrass him about the lies with his parents, he let him have the party in his house, he sings happy birthday to him, he is genuinely concerned about Oliver's behavior in the maze, and even after Oliver literally jumps into him and screams at him he stills asking if he is better after vomiting

And over all, he just wants people to be actually honest with him, real, he trusted Oliver, and he ends up heartbroken, alone and dead in a maze

like

Viktor inclined himself towards him so he could whisper. “What if I am the one to eat you up?” And got as pleased as surprised to be answered with an excited hum from the other man.

“That’s the dream, huh?”

or

“F-faster-” Ben mumbled and Viktor let his head fall to Ben’s back so he’d be able to hold both sides of his waist to grind against him just as he asked, faster. Just as they needed, deeper.

or even

“You want to fuck me with your hands or a strap-on?”

“Do you even have one?” Viktor giggled. Ben was different from what he expected. 

Ben beamed back at him. “You can even choose the color.” Viktor laughed as he opened the drawer to find some toys besides the lube. “Wait, no. Get the red one.” 

“So you want me to fuck you with a strap-on.” Viktor climbed the bed with a large smile plastered to his face. It was hard not smiling when Ben laughed that comfortably around him.

you know?

I think its just healing writting a trans man being the top in a sex scene and not only not having to prove himself capable of fucking someone, but also being asked to do it?

Ant inside of me there are two wolves

one of them want’s to stick to the original plan and finish this only with conversation and to why Five decided to be so fucking extra out of the blue

and the other wants to just throw them to a room to fuck because god they deserve it lol

AND I MEAN, I’ll do both somehow

but do I chop it and make the non explicit part a thing and the pure porn another or do I keep them together and that’s it?

Either way the smut would be only at the last chapter, so who doesn’t want to read it can just leave it

but at the same time people who wouldn’t even hit the story, it being rated explicit, would miss out on the cuteness of their date 

what to do what to do

anyway, thinking thoughts