@thicketville: meta: how does john feel about his punk-rock days? did he ever delude himself into thinking the band would go anywhere? does he regret spending so much time on it? how'd he start it up, anyway? β META TOPICS
it's mostly head-shaking fondness and warm nostalgia! he loves the concept of those days, the memories of everyone in the band packed into the back of chas's van or whatever couch they were crashing on / one-room flat they were only half-paying rent for at the time, the fights and the fun and the stupid shit you can only get away with in your early 20s. it was one of the few times in his life where he was precisely where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to do, suspended from ultimate consequence.
but there's always going to be a twinge of bitter anger at himself in there, too, because fuck did he take it all for granted. the friends, the freedom, the normalcy of it all; running to feel alive instead of running to stay alive. he burnt all of that with his own hands when he kept fucking around in the occult, when they opened that basement door in newcastle and he made a plan instead of running away screaming like they all should have. he didn't know it then, but the punk rock days were the last time he was truly secure in the world β not just temporarily stable, but secure.
as for going anywhere, i think, abstractly, he hoped they might, but he wasn't ever thinking that far ahead. a lot of john's outlook on life all the way up until newcastle was about living one day at a time and making the most of that day; i can't emphasize enough that he didn't expect to make it to adulthood, and nobody else expected him to either, so just making it to tomorrow was already the best possible outcome for him. everything before astra, including the band, was about living as hard and fast as possible and having the maximum amount of fun along the way. didn't matter if they made the big time or not as long as he was out playing music with his mates and earning the love β or hate, they were the same thing to him back then β of the crowds, and that was it. that was all he ever needed.
he doesn't regret it in the slightest. he regrets how it ended, he regrets what came after, but like i said, that was the first time in his life where he was exactly where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to do, and he wouldn't have changed that part for the world. if anything, he'd say it was better that he spent all that energy nobbing around with his dickhead friends instead of actually trying to contribute to the world, because the way he was back then, irresponsible and futureless, he probably would have ended up causing more harm than good in the long run.
it started pretty simply: it was 1977, he and gary lester had just gone to see the sex pistols play live at the roxy, they were walking home piss-drunk and hopped up on the music, and one turned to the other and said "bet we could do that bollocks." when they got back to their friend beano's flat, the three of them stayed up well into the next morning coming up with names, with art-school-dropout gary scribbling up logos and posters and symbols until they all fell asleep. when they woke up later with hangovers and bleary eyes, it didn't seem any worse an idea than it had six hours ago, so they said fuck it and started a band. constantine doesn't even remember why they called it mucous membrane, but he remembers someone calling someone else a slimy git that night, so that's the reason he usually gives whenever anyone asks.
and while i'm talking about the punk days, there's a spiderlegs cover of their single, venus of the hardsell! it's not particularly good, but that's the point!
