#thia writes

Then (Before then)

“Don’t forget the cake, Dad!” Sarah called after him, poking his head out the truck window Joel grinned.

“It’s already in order!”

The conversation replayed in his head as he walked into his house to find his daughter looking at him expectantly, his hands empty. Her eyes knowing,

“S-s-shhhooooot. Time got away from me,” he looked down at his watch, the hands stuck and unmoving. He shook his wrist in a futile attempt to push time. Realizing he’s fucked up once again, he carded his hands though his dark hair in frustration. “I’m sorry, baby gi-.”

A gentle knock at the front door stopped the bus on the first stop of his apology tour. Mouthing 'sorry' he sighed, taking a few steps back unable to break the perturbed look in the familiar eyes that glared back at him. His adolescent daughter held an unforgiving glare directed right at him.

“You promised, again. And you forgot, ah-gen!”

“I know. I’m sorry,” the tour bus revving up again as he continued his backwards path to the front door. The doorbell rang out which also called a pause on the guilt trip Sarah had packed for him. She shook her head, curls bouncing and swaying, and rolled her eyes.

“Ugh,” she groaned, no real malice behind her voice as she dramatically - but rather mild compared to most kids her age, he thanked whatever god had granted him this gift - stomped into the kitchen and Joel finally turned towards the door.

“Commin’!” He shouted, shaking his wrist once more and brought it up to his ear. When had his watch stopped working? “Shit,” he grumbled under his breath.

Reaching for the door, he pulled it open and threw a curt 'yes?' at the innocent bystander on the other side. One that he saw holding a pastry box and a weary smile, jumping a half a step back at his abruptness.

“Hey Joel!” You stood with a rueful smile while raising the box as perhaps a shield, a buffer, an offering to sooth the growling beast with eyes that resembled the most decadent chocolate ganache you aspired to roll in cocoa powder and delicately place in an elegant wrapper.

God, you hated that he reduced you to food metaphors with a single look. Gross and yet…

“I figured when you didn’t stop by the shop to pick it up,” you wiggled the box slightly, “I’d just stop by after I got home.” You had obviously interrupted his evening, his birthday evening with his daughter and whomever else was visiting. Perhaps Tommy or perhaps someone who was none of your business.

You looked back at your home across the street, the porch light on. He took that moment to quickly give you a once over. You’d must have gotten home a bit before him or at the same time. You still wore pants dotted with flour and smudged with sugar, shoes and shirt sporting the same remnants of the day at your bakery where he had placed an order for the same cake he suspected was in the box.

His gaze lingered just a bit at the around of your hip, your ass straining just right against the otherwise loose material. But quickly flicked back up as you turned back around.

He cleared his throat. “Shit, yeah. You’re a lifesaver,” he sighed, reaching for the box and offering you a lopsided smile which sent a thrill down your spine.

He’d been a welcoming neighbor since you’d moved into the cul-de-sac a few years back. He and his daughter, Sarah, were more than happy to trade his services for your baked goods, at your insistence since he wouldn’t take money in exchange for helping you with fixes around the house or with your car. When it came time to work on your little shop, you had hired him and his brother to help with renovations and updating.

Aside from flirting and a few innuendos, timing had never quite worked out between the two of you. Life as a single father was complicated enough, bringing in sex (or whatever) with the neighbor would just further that complication and add perhaps an obstacle of avoidance should it not have panned out. So here you were, admiring from afar or in this case up close as his fingers brushed your own and the weight of the box lifted from your palms.

"Thanks-"

“Well, I should get g-“

From inside the house Sarah’s voice called your name. “You should come inside and have cake with us! I could use the backup singing happy birthday.” At her words Joel nodded, inviting you in.

“She’s right, sounds like a bag of cats struggling to break free,” he drawled, grinning at the rib as you stepped in with feigned reluctance. As you passed he smelled the burnt sugar that wafted from you and couldn’t help but preen at the small giggle that left your lips as Sarah shouted from the kitchen. “Daaaaad!”

“Am I lying? I don’t reckon I’m much of a fibber.” He offered you a wink, joining you both in the kitchen.

“I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not. We ordered pizza and I got dad to agree to play boardgames!” The young girl smiled wide, eyes flicking to her father whose own eyes flashed wide but out of sight with his back turned to you as he placed the cake in the fridge.

“Yeah, we have plenty of food. It’d be great if you stayed.” He didn’t want to lay it on too thick in case he and Sarah had commandeered your night, so be gestured to the small spread of pizza and salad. But your shoulders relaxed and your lips pulled into a smile.

“I’d love to.”

“Great!” Sarah bounced on her heels looking between you and Joel before turning to pull an extra set of silverware and a plate for you. He was positive he could see the wheels spinning in that big brain of hers.

He’d always found you attractive and loved how much Sarah liked you, but the timing hadn’t quite matched up, with you opening your bakery and his contract work wearing him out by the time he got home. Your baker’s hours kept you in bed earlier than his own hours, but occasionally you’d see him at the bar where someone else had caught his eye for the night or your own had been caught by the time he’d arrived.

Just two ships passing in the night, as they said.

As the evening progressed, the three of you laughed and ate, finally settling into playful banter over Sarah’s board game of choice.

“No wait, what do you mean you won’t trade me your wool? You need lumber.”

“No, I don’t need your lumber.” You quipped, sneaking a look at Sarah who grinned back, resting her crossed arms on the table. Joel looked between you both, huffing and dropping his hand. The plastic pieces on the hexagon shapes clattering as he stared in disbelief.

“On my birthday?”

“It’s hard out here settling the unknown, Mr. Miller.”

“You two are in cahoots!” He grumbled, swiping at the board and knocking pieces off the table's edge. “Ooops! Looks like it’s time for cake.”

“You did that on purpose!” You cried out, laughing as he stood and knocked over any remaining pieces eliciting a laugh from Sarah in response. He walked into the kitchen as the two of you worked to grab the scattered pieces and placed them back in the box. Suddenly she stood, knocking her head on the bottom of the table and calling out to her father.

“You can’t light your own candles.” She ran past the kitchen island, rubbing at the sore spot on her head, and pushed her father out before setting to work on pulling the cake out of the fridge and setting a few candles on top.

“Alright, alright,” he sat once again, watching as you put the top on the cardboard box, pushing it to the side to leave room on the dining table for cake. Catching your eye he took a swig of his drink, his Adam's apple bobbing. “Thanks for stayin'.”

“Thanks for letting me crash your birthday,” you replied, taking a drink from your own before continuing. “Do you know what you’re gonna wish for?” His dark eyes gleamed a bit, a moment's flash of something before a cake was wedged into the thickened air between you.

In unison, you and Sarah began to sing as the front door opened and a man similar to Joel walked in, his voice robust in the room as he sang with an exaggerated flourish and sat at the table.

"Happy birthday, y'old fart!"

“Uncle Tommy!”

“Hey Tommy,” you nodded and smiled in the younger brother’s direction before looking back at Joel who’s eyes were locked on yours as he blew out the candle.

“Well, well, If it isn’t the neighbor from across the street. Here with some sweet… treats?” Tommy’s eyes flickered between you and Joel, dark brows quirking up before Sarah distracted him.

A slice of cake later you pulled yourself together, looking over at a sleeping Sarah and a relaxed pair of brothers. “I should get going, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah, I’ll get this one to bed and my big brother can walk you home.” Tommy offered, shoving Joel out of the way as he scooped up his sleeping niece. “Did she fill those hollow legs with lead? Holy sh-” The girl wiggled in her arms as Joel hissed. “Shut up.”

“You don’t have to-” You stammered as your skin warmed and your pulse quickened when his gaze shifted to you, a flush of his own creeping up his neck at his own blood meddling and conspiring.

“I’d like to.” He rumbled, walking to the door and holding it open. “Got everything?”

“Yep,” you squeaked, gathering yourself together and following up out the door. Somehow the few yards between your home stretched for miles as you walked shoulder to shoulder. Joel beside you asking about the bakery and it was still holding up. You couldn’t help but laugh at his small talk, the man’s confidence wavering for a moment as the pair of you stepped up onto your porch.

“Do you expect it to fall over soon?” you laughed.

“No no, I stand by my work.” He said, the lopsided smile returning.

“Well, I’m home now... I know it’s late but can I interest you in a nightcap? I make a mean cup of coffee or I have a bottle of something or other that I usually make extract with but it’s the good stuff.”

“The good stuff? For my birthday?” He stepped closer, hands resting momentarily on his hips, the broadness of his shoulders pulling at the worn threads of his shirt.

“Only the best for your birthday.” You smiled.

He followed you in, standing so close as you maneuvered to close the door that you couldn’t help but brush up against him. The heat of his skin warming your own, coursing through your body and setting you alight.

He was so broad and strong, you’d snuck a few lingering looks a time or two when he worked in his yard or on the bakery. His profile just as stunning as the breath of him full on, which was now pressing against your own, pushing you back against the door, lips dipping to meet your own.

His hands gripped your hips, squeezing and roving from indecision of where to touch you first. Your own hands found purchase in his hair, threading into the waved tendrils as you moaned against the press of his lips and the delicious scratch of his beard.

Whispering your name, he pulled away to stop himself from deepening the kiss. The pair of his umber eyes blown inky black, pupils hungrily eating up the sight of you panting before him, tongue darting out to taste him on your lips.

Nudging him forward, you walked further into your home, leading him past the couch and down the short hall as he held onto your hips, pulling you with him. Quickly, you worked your fingers to remove your clothing, any bumbled step stumbled and bumped against his own body as the man in front of you did the same. A trail of clothing left in the wake of your steps until none were left and you were both down to your underwear.

“Happy Birthday, Joel.” Your breathy words swallowed by his lips, a kiss growing hungry and intrusive as you parted your own to meet the welcomed plunder of his tongue. Skilled and commanding, he slid against your own as his hands once again found purchase on your hips, fingertips pressing firm before resuming a now controlled and deft path across your form.

Reaching up, he palmed your breast, fingers delving beneath the last vestiges of your undergarments. They weren’t fancy or particularly sexy, as you’d come home from the bakery and hadn’t had a moment to change.

A fact that he didn’t mind as you tasted of burnt sugar and vanilla. A smell he knew well and loved when it wafted around him in your presence. Humming deep, he plucked at the delicate skin of your chest, rolling and pinching the peaks of your nipples with his calloused fingers. Before he dipped his head and his lips wrapped around one and sucked harsh, laving at the tip with his tongue.

“Joel,” you moaned. His name flavored in the bourbon he drank and the cake he ate, tumbling from your lips as he continued his ministrations and pulled you with him onto your bed. The weight of him falling between your legs, knees falling open for him and your body bowing up, baring more of you to him.

“Get this fuckin’ thing off,” he nipped, tugging at the offensive clothing and moving down your body. “This thing too.” He demanded, a thick finger pulling at the plastic band, snapping it against your skin. “It’s keepin’ me from my present.”

He kissed at your skin, the soft spots that enticed him. That were bared to him now as your hips lifted, the fabric discarded somewhere that would be a problem for future you, and he was no longer prevented from taking his fill.

“Wait…” You said, stopping him in his tracks.

“I-I’m sor- What’s wrong. What did I do?” He stuttered, lifting away, in the shadows of your room he frowned, concerned that he misread the night.

“What? No, no.” Hooking the ends of your toes and the top of your foot around his back, you pulled him closer with your leg, back into the crook of your knees. “It was a long day at work and I was wondering if you wanted to take a shower with me?”

“Yes.”

Without hesitation, he helped you up from your bed and followed you into the connected bathroom and into the shower where the warm water ran over your muscles, washing away the sweat and sweetness of the day, and giving him a reason to touch and explore as he helped soap up your skin.

Your fingers met and bounced off each other as his mouth met yours and tongues once again danced and slipped against each other. His fingers dipped lower, guiding water to cleanse and relax the day’s ache away. Your own quickly delving between your folds while the other wrapped around his cock, gently tugging his length as your fingers quickly found your swollen clit, sensitive and needy.

“Missed a spot,” he mumbled, leaving your lips and kissing from the column of your neck to the round of your shoulder, and back down your breast. He shifted you once again, cock slipping loose from your hold as your body willingly moved however he directed. He pressed you against the cool tiled wall to continue his trail of devotion down your belly to the apex of your thighs where he batted away your hand.

He nuzzled you there, kissing and smelling at the bright skin, peppered with water that dripped and fell. Such a teasing look in his eyes that flicked back up to you as he hooked a hand behind your knee and brought it up to prop your leg over his shoulder.

Groaning at the sight of you, he placed another kiss on your clit before spreading you further and pressing the flat of his tongue to lick a wide stripe. Another moan rumbled from him as he tasted you, tongue dipping into your entrance for a moment before his lips wrapped around your swollen bud and kissed it once more. His tongue greedily stroking and making out with your core, the lewdness of it filling your ears as you cried out for him and your eyes fluttered shut.

Not pulling away, he continued to suck and circle his tongue. A free hand helping to spread you open, applying a pleasant pressure that only heightened and exaggerated the cleverness of his mouth before dipping in to fill you up and send you over the edge.

Back bowing and legs trembling, you held on to his shoulders, just managing to prop yourself up as the blinding waves rolled through you.

As the sensation ebbed and your eyes opened once more, he chucked against you "Mmmm, one more." Mouth still on your pussy and tongue working once again. Lips dropping open, your breath stuttered and muscles stiffened once again as he tipped you over the edge and stars filled your eyes.

Never had this happened before. One right after the other, an insistence that your pleasure come first. But when the shower came back into focus and he stood before you once again, lips pressing a heady kiss to your mouth and hardened cock pushing against you, you knew this pleasure was not just your own.

Now you tasted yourself against him, the tang of your arousal and the bourbon he sipped earlier. It was delicious and devious, just like him, and it sent your head spinning. “Let’s take this back to the bed, before y’run out of hot water,” he rumbled against your lips.

You chucked against him then, wanting to question his concerns about the water temperature but those thoughts were wrung from you as you both moved out into the summer air of your room and onto the bed. At least he’d had the foresight to feign toweling you both off as you sank on the sheets and he stood over you.

Now your own lips blazed a trail across his skin. Sucking at the sweet column of his neck, down his chest and followed the path down his stomach here his cock bobbed hard and straining, needing attention that only you could give it.

Mouth dropping open, you wrapped your lips around the spongy tip, giving it a suck and tasting the burst of heady salt that leaked from tip onto your tongue. Humming at the taste of him, you dipped your head further and took him in deeper, fingers holding onto his hips for support as you bobbed up and down, up and down.

Head falling back, your name tumbled from his lips once more. His hands wrapped around your neck and the back of your head to hold you still as his hips took over and he dragged himself in and out of your mouth, as you hollowed your cheeks and pressed your tongue to the delicious ridge that ran the length of him. His pace measured and slowed as to not overwhelm you unless you wanted it and as to not cum so quickly.

Once or twice he pushed too far, your body reacting to him and tensing for just a moment as tears began to build in your eyes. “You ok?” he rasped, calloused fingers holding your chin and the slick glossed tip of him just a few inches from your lips bobbed as it popped free from your mouth, a string of drool pulling before breaking as you nodded in response.

“Fuck me, Joel.” Not begging, but demanding as you tipped back, pulling him with you and spreading your legs. Your core shamelessly slick and swollen, the sensitive skin humming with need. His cock rested there, enveloped by your heat as he brushed his lips against yours and grunted. His hips bucking and drawing a whimper from the torturous press of his cock against your clit, sliding over your entrance and back up again before repeating the motion but this time he pushed in deep. His cock sliding through the velvet of your walls, stretching you wide as he braced himself on top of you.

Pushing deep, deep, deep, he shuttered a breath when your lips kissed the root of him, slicking him from base to tip as he pulled out and found his pace. Burying his head in the slope of your neck, he mouthed at your skin, tasting you while he felt your walls begin to flutter and your grip around him tighten with each stroke.

Your own hips met his, bumping the thatch of curls above his cock which rubbed against your sensitive clit, now abused and sparking with each push and pull of your bodies, building into another shattering orgasm. But now when the floor pulled out from beneath you and your muscles tensed and your pretty pussy drew him in further, he fell along right after you.

His own hips stuttering, teeth digging into your skin, and a growled cry against your skin as he came, filling you up and pressing himself into you with arms holding you impossibly closer as beaded sweat covered his tawny skin.

He kissed you then. Breaths no longer frenzied, but calming as he claimed your lips once more and held you close. In the morning, when you awoke, you found yourself alone in the early morning light and a pleasant soreness between your legs.

Some time much much later…

“W-Where were you when it happened?” Ellie asked. She stayed put, watching Maria walk out of the kitchen as you ran your fingers through her hair, combing it out before taking a pair of scissors to it.

“She’s nosy, like you.” Maria called from the other room. Her voice amused at how unafraid the young girl was, Joel’s companion you were told. Just a kid with Joel who was now somewhere in Jackson, likely with Tommy.

You might as well tell her, it had been a while since you’d allowed yourself to remember. Clearing your throat, you began.

“I’d just gotten home from a trip. I’d closed down my bakery for a few weeks and took a trip to go ‘find myself’,” you rolled your eyes remembering how you’d needed space from Joel. He’d been distant, never wanting to get too close. He’d pop in for some fun and run back across the street well before you had settled into a deep sleep.

You weren’t asking for much, but you deserved at least a ‘goodbye’ or a kiss goodnight. Or the early morning husk of his sleep graveled voice whispering to you in the blue gray of early dawn.

“When I came home that morning I took a nap,” you continued, snipping at her long hair. “Flying and getting back home was exhausting. If only I knew that’d be the last time I was on a plane… anyway, when I woke up the world was burning and I just ran… Well, I hid then I ran.” You’d watched as Joel, Sarah, and Tommy drove off from their home. Joel shouting at your neighbor and making eye contact with for a brief second, his jaw dropping and his eyes wide as the truck sped away. He hadn’t stopped for you, but you didn’t blame him. He needed to keep Sarah safe.

Soon planes fell out of the sky, your neighbors died and stood right back in front of your eyes. You’d hidden in your basement well past the silence settled. A discomforting quiet that seemed to roar in your ears as you felt the heat of the sun warm you for the first time in days.

You’d found yourself running for your life and hiding your way across town until FEDRA found you. A while later you ended up at the Boston QZ where you finally found Tommy and Joel, Sarah no longer with them and Joel a former shell of who he was. With not so many words you understood, giving him space as whatever happened in those last days changed him. Sarah’s death leaving him hollow, his eyes no longer reflecting the light she lit inside of him.

Then one day he found Tess, pushing you away with not so much his words but again you were too understanding.

You too were fighting your own demons once word of how the cordyceps spread. The place you found peace and creativity now a space of horror and death. The grain, the flour, the sugar all a perfect breeding ground for destruction and the origins of the pandemic.

You screamed yourself hoarse when word got to you. Scenarios running through your mind but also thanking whatever powers that be for making you selfish enough to take a fucking vacation at the right time.

“It wouldn’t have been your fault,” Tommy mumbled when he found you curled up in your bed. “No one was safe.” In those moments you thought about Joel and Sarah, missing them both and how they were both gone in some way.

Tommy had taken to checking in on you and bringing you back small hauls from his and Joel’s runs.

“What’s her name, Tommy?” You smiled as he sipped coffee across from you. He’d come back from his last solo run with something, no, someone on his mind.

“How’d you know?”

“You smile now, just a little bit. Which is honestly saying a lot.” You winked at him, nudging his foot under the table as a small smile bubbled up on his lips which he covered with his coffee mug, averting his eyes to keep you from seeing too much.

Maybe it was a moment of desperation at the glimmer of hope that now took up residence in his eyes, but you spoke without thinking. A rush of words falling from your mouth, “If you go to her again, take me with you. You don’t even have to take me all the way. I’ll find my own way. Just… get me out of here.” You were done being a cog in the FEDRA wheel, making rations and food for their people and the QZ. It was a coveted spot, but not one you were willing to do until your last breaths.

You didn’t tell this child any of that. Just keeping short and ending in the QZ she grew up in. “So you knew Sarah?” You had caught the bit of conversation she and Maria had in the living room, about Kevin, Maria’s son who she too had lost. You nodded but realized she couldn’t see so you voiced a low hum. “And Tess?” She asked.

“Yeah, I know her too.” You left it at that. You’d spoken to Tess, admiring her strength and resilience. You would have fallen for her too or kept her company, whatever their arrangement was. Tess was different, exactly what this changed, distant, and stone faced Joel needed.

“She’s dead.” Ellie was blunt, too blunt because of the walls she erected around herself. Her own protection which could be her demise, you thought for a brief second. Then your hand paused momentarily at her words, not pulling at her hair but resting for a moment in her soft hair before continuing to snip off the ends and responding with a simple “oh.” Had she turned around she would have seen the frown on your lips and slight quiver to your lips. Much to your relief, Maria walked back in and the two bickered with each other as you excused yourself, wiping the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes.

“She’s in 37. Right across from you and two doors down from mine.”

“She’s here?” Joel watched his brother nod, the younger man’s shoulders heavy with the burden of his request to take the girl West. He’d leave in the morning, making his own way.

A bit of hope blossomed in his chest at hearing that you were here. He’s known you left the QZ but Tommy never mentioned you in his communications and he’d done so much to push you away.

That night he fought with Ellie, pushed her away and went to bed. He stared at the ceiling, at the shadows cast around the room and out the window to your home. One that shone dully from inside with light until it flicked off finally.

Was it your room? He wondered. Were you there alone or had you found someone in this town who would treat you right? Give you what he couldn’t give you.

If he came to you now, like this, would you pound your fists against him and scream angry words until he left as he rightfully deserved? He wouldn’t dare try, his heart raw as it was and the walls he erected holding firm as he prepared to leave at first light.

What he wasn’t expecting was to see you early, hands holding a basket of eggs and bundled up for a walk back into town. You were beautiful, in the frigid air of your new home in Jackson, Wyoming.

You stared at each other then silent with narrowing eyes, before you turned to walk and he followed suit, pack slung over his shoulders.

“You sneaking out of here, Joel?”

He grunted then, eyes locked onto your form. You didn’t spare him another glance the duration of the walk and he hadn’t blamed you.

“I should apologize-“ he started with a raspy voice, only to be shut down by a cut of your own.

“Why start now. Take the bay mare, she’s mine and reliable. Good luck, Joel.” You puffed, needing distance from him once again. His name sounded bitter on your lips even as you helped him once again. Abruptly you turned away, walking into the town's eatery building and disappearing from view.

“He took your mare,” Tommy said behind you. The steps of his boots echoing in the empty kitchen where you ground almonds to make flour. “I insisted he take mine but he took yours… and the girl.”

“I know.” You’d kept watch until the doors to Jackson shut behind them. “You gonna tell Maria whatever it is he told you?”

His pacing stuttered as he raked a hand through his hair. You could see the pull his brother and his wife had on him. He was an honorable man but loyalty only takes a person so far. “Yeah, I’m gonna have to tell her something.”

“Mmmhmmm, the truth might hurt a bit but it won’t kill you. She might not understand, but she’s carrying your kid and this is home.” You continued to churn the wheel, grinding the soaked nuts to extract milk and lay out the remains to dry on racks near the fire. You had cakes to make later in the morning, after breakfast.

“Ain’t you gonna ask me what he wanted?”

“Nope. If Joel Miller wanted me in his business he would have told me himself.” At that you stopped, looking up at the familiar dark eyes which looked back at you apologetically. “Maybe she’ll forgive you faster if you take her some muffins,” you broke the tension with a nod at the muffins you’d baked the night before, now warming by the fire. He stepped closer then, leaning to give you a chaste kiss on the cheek and muttering ‘thank you’ before he left with a few bundled muffins in hand.

You stopped a moment to wipe at the tears that threatened to spill once more. Catching them a broken sob and straightening your spine. Joel Miller had pulled the last of your tears from you and would never again.

Quite a few weeks later Maria strode into your kitchen, her face hiding something. “Joel’s back.” You hummed in response. “That was quick. Did he bring my mare back?”

“No nut he’s with the doctor getting checked out,” she continued. “He was stabbed not too long ago, but otherwise he’ll be fine.”

“Why are you telling me?” you sighed, exhausted already by her prying. She’d been so curious once he’d left, trying to fill in non-existent gaps to Tommy’s story. But you had nothing to offer, having not spoken to him.

“You never talk about him. Tommy told me you two were involved… before. And when he left Jackson he took your mare…”

“I told him to and that’s all I told him. I don’t know when he needed to go or why. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask.”

“But you helped him?”

“Yes. He didn’t ask but I offered because- because I just wanted to.” That was that. You had nothing else to offer her, no ulterior explanation or motive. You would always help him or be there for him in some way even when he couldn’t do that for you. “I’m tired of talking about Joel Miller, Maria. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

She swallowed thickly, nodding her head and putting a delicate hand on her belly. “Yeah, you got anymore of those cookies and sweet milk?” You smiled at her, grateful for her sisterhood, even when she was working on your last nerves.

You were thankful that the day had passed, you were left to yourself and those who wanted to work in the kitchen. You made a few cakes and baked off bread for the morning, mixed granola from the preserved fruits and nuts you had foraged around the area. You had made it through the gossip of the town's returning guests and made it to your home to stand under a steaming shower.

The spring brought crisp air and you were thankful to not need to bundle up all the time, daring to wear flowy dresses that were impractical outside of your home most days, but now felt comfortable as you made your evening tea and settled in to read a book before heading off to bed.

Except as soon as you cracked the spine of your well worn book with a bare chested man standing in front of a farm house with a swooning woman cradled in his masculine arms on the cover which you had traded with Helen down the street there was a gentle knock at your door.

Lips pulled between your teeth, you sat in silence, staring at your door until the person outside knocked. “Look, I know you’re in there.” A familiar voice called, deep and serious as a thud sounded against the wood. The sound of something heavier than a hand resting against the barrier.

“I- I watched your house for a while. I need to talk to you.” He needed to explain all of it. Ellie, nearly dying, nearly losing her several times. How he wanted more, knew there could be more now that he knew he could keep her safe here in Jackson, with him, with you. He wanted to tell you all of it, but would you listen?

Standing you set your mug and book down, slowly walking towards the door. You steps careful and light. “Please.” He thudded once more.

“Why, Joel?” you asked, your hand pressed to the wood and your eye peering through the peephole as the top of his head, his forehead pressed to the door.

“Because I want to. I need to- to apologize.” He said, lifting his head and taking a step back. The laundry list of what he could apologize for growing in your head, but you didn’t want to hear it. What happened had happened and it was in the past. Another life. Another you.

“Apologize for what?” Your voice broke slightly, curiosity getting the better of you.

“Everything.”

At that you swung the door open, your face seething with anger. “Everything, Joel? Everything?” You couldn’t help it, you wanted to slap his face and push him off your porch and he’d let you, you knew it from the look on his face.

“You left me, more than once! I’m over that now, but know it really hurt and it really really sucked.” You couldn’t think of a better word. “Every time!”

“I’m sorry.” He inched forward, not flinching when your hand flew out and landed on his chest. He deserved more and would take more, if it meant having any more of your precious time spent with him.

“Everything was all wrong, I was all wrong.” He swallowed, pressing forward when you didn’t shove him back or move away from him. He entered your home, words tumbling from his lips. “I was scared before, with Sarah and the thought of having a serious relationship after everything-” He shook his head. The grayed hair swinging from the force of it, his eyes unwavering from yours.

“Then she was gone, the whole world was gone and you only reminded me of her of our time before all of this. And I’d let her get taken from me and you only reminded me of her.” His voice broke at that, his head now pressed to yours as your heart broke all over again.

“Joel, you can’t come back after all this time.”

“I swear I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t know I'd ever see you again. And when I saw you, I knew I didn’t deserve you.”

“And you do now?”

“No.” He whispered, your breaths mingling as you found your fingers clinging to the fabric of his shirt, his own hands wrapped around your middle, pulling at the worn fabric of your dress.

You couldn’t let him in again to only have him leave you whenever he wanted. When things got too tough for him or he was ready to move on. “Then what do you want from me, Joel?”

Without hesitation he moved back from you, just enough but it felt like too much even in your harsh grasp. “Nothing you’re not willing to give.”

“I would have given you everything, Joel. Anything but you can’t leave me again. You can’t pack up or run away, build those fucking walls and shove me over them. We’re too old for that, Joel. This life isn’t forever.”

“I know, I know.” His hands cupped your face, holding you steady as his eyes pleaded silently and his voice cracked. “I can only try. I want to stay here, I want to try.” He ran a thumb over the apple of your cheeks, eyes darting back and forth between your own.

“I won’t ask anything of you. Ever. I just want to try. For you. For her.” The girl, for Sarah. For both of them. You wanted to believe him, needed to believe him.

“Show me,” you said. Resolved to not waste any more time.

Nodding, his eyes flicked down to your lips and back. Your own doing the same. You would give him nothing, everything. Let him come to you, however he wanted and you could turn him away. You could beat him raw and bloodied, if you wanted. You owed him nothing and wanted to take everything.

He closed the distance in seconds, lips pressing to your own. Half his grip moving to the small of your back and pushing you flush to him. You responded in kind, pulling at his clothing and pressing back, feeling him from head to toe, a reminder that he was here with you.

You deepened the kiss, taking his lips between your own. Your tongue running along the seam of his pout, feeling the years of separation between you. Tasting the salt and mint of his breath as your tongues met in a familiar tangle that felt worn yet new.

Groaning, you lead him through your home, past the couch and the kitchen, through the short hall and into your room. You froze for a moment, tensing at the thought that he would leave by morning. He would be gone once again and you would be left picking up the pieces, but you knew you would be okay. You could see yourself through this if he made a fool out of you.

It wasn’t like the movies, where the bits fell together and you were beautiful and picturesque as you moved together. Bodies sliding against another, clothes pulled to revealed the parts that needed attention and were only meant to be seen here, between the two of you, like this.

Without preamble, he pulled at your clothing, his own hardly cast aside as your winders worked past buckles and zippers and over elastic bands. Your fingers freed his cock, pumping it harshly as he rucked your underwear to the side, shoving your dress up and pulling the neckline down.

His beard blazed a trail across your skin, skin rubbed raw soothed by the cooling kiss of his lips as he frantically sucked and nipped at you, his own body reacting to the hold you had on him. Thighs falling open, knees folding up, you lined him up with your entrance and he pushed forward at your insistence, leg hooked around, pulling him closer still.

He moaned so sweetly, your name tumbling from his lips as he pistoned forward. His cock filling you to the hilt, only to slide back out with the lewdest sounds, stretching you open over and over again.

Clinging to him, you held him tight as he set a brutal pace. His fingered delving between you to work at your clit, the need to feel you squeeze him tight and flutter around him as you came so so great. He needed to hear you, to know you wanted him in any way as much as he wanted you.

With a harsh cry your muscles tightened, legs shaking and walls fluttering as his name fell from your lips. You came around him, because of him. He reciprocated, hips faltering before he came into you once more. Hot and heavy, his face pressed to yours, his lips right next to your ear as a a babbled string of words tumbled from his mouth until he stilled once more.

He kissed you then, claiming your lips once more and tucking you into him, his softening cock slipping from your satiated body. Over the next hours, between these repeated moments he told you so so much and listened to your own secrets that were spoken in the dark of the night, bodies twisted together and reacquainting with one another.

In the morning, when you awoke, you felt the unfamiliar weight of his head on your chest, the steady sleeping breath of him mingling with the early morning light, his hands wrapped around you tight, and a pleasant fullness to your heart.

“Mmmphf”

Lips caught between your teeth, knuckles straining from the clutch you hold above your head, a moan escapes your throat. Fingers curled around the edge of the coffee table, grounding you as your back bows and the beat of your heart beats faster, quickens under his touch. He’ll have you panting and undone soon, he’s sure of it.

Sleep shirt rucked up high under your back and skin slick with sweat against the weathered wood now stained with years of coffee, water rings, and the sun’s early morning kiss peppered through the trailer’s windows.

“Jimmy’s got no respect for wood,” he’d muttered once, sliding a cardboard coaster under his brother’s slush drink. The plastic dotted with condensation, soaking through the board underneath emblazoned with the bar’s logo.

“Clyde,” you now groan. Moaning with a buck of your hips, the table beneath you protesting with a groan of its own. Legs spreading wider, pushing you up a little bit and brushing against the warmth held in a ceramic cup just to your side. If he continues like this, you’re sure to knock it over and add a new stain to the table holding you up for him. 

His own legs splayed out underneath on the shagged carpet with the wide breath of him leaning over you. He hums sweetly, almost innocently while what he does is anything but. The lewd caress of his tongue running through the seam of you. The eager suck of his swollen lips pulling at the delicate skin between strokes as he moves languidly from top to bottom, savoring your cunt. 

The tumble of his raven hair is pushed to the side, carded and held there with your other hand, holding him where you need him. Where you can see him. His own hand wrapped around the meat of your thigh, spreading you open, unable to hide or shy away from his rapturous attention.

It’s almost torturous, this early in the morning, when he moves like this, as if there is all the time in the world. You strain and whimper against his touch, feeling the tightness in your belly increase. Your core clenching around nothing or early around the dip of his clever tongue as he fucks you with his mouth with his amber eyes fallen shut and nose flush to your oversensitive skin, nuzzling and imbibing the bouquet of your arousal. 

He left you no time to wonder when you were like this, how he got you flat on your back like this. When he sucked and laved at your swollen clit, grazing it with his crooked teeth, any sense to tease or question faded from your mind as you only felt the build of sweat and the soft wet brush of your shirt against your warmed skin.

The slippery glide of his mouth had worked worked its way from from your neck and down to your chest, where he toyed with the peaks until they pebbled and swelled. He mouthed at them through the fabric, wetting it sodden as you keened into his touch, trembling and growing slick between your thighs.

His name and any plea you could have formed on your lips, all died there as he built you up, claimed you as his own because you let him, wanted him just as he wanted you.

You’d done the same, taking him between your own lips, feeling the head of him slip past and down your throat. Circling and sucking, tongue running the length of that delicious ridge until his hips faltered and your name fell from his lips in a muttered prayer and his body stilled. Salty and thick, you swallowed him down until he pushed you away, hissing as he slipped from your lips, glossed and swollen perfect.