#thexpsych

Falling never felt the way it should. The act of it was never the problem- it was the bits after, the blood on the floor, the sound of her skull hitting the bottom step, the shuffle of boots- screams. My God why was some bitch screaming- when all Kemi wanted was to go to sleep. For a little while at least. She hadn’t been clubbing in a while ,something that wasn’t anyones fault. But she’d been compelled to that night, dragged along by Mara into some club, some industry party. Versace had gone so swimmingly for once she felt like she deserved it, deserved to celebrate herself, deserved to feel something. She knew he’d be here .Marcus. But she didn’t care too much, she was with Mara, she was with her girls- she was fucking invincible and not even the spectre of his existence could bring her down. She drank to remember that fact, drank to ignore the way his eyes lingered on her, like she was some pet he’d let stray. He was so angry- and she’d only needed to look up once to confirm it. Fucking psycho. One more drink to forget that she’d loved him then?

Mya say on the couch with her friend. Avi had been trying to convince her to go out to a bar or something with him every weekend for the past few weeks but she always had an excuse as to why she couldn’t go. “I would but I told Maria I would cover her shift and she works early.” That was the lie she was going with this week. Now even though Mya grew up with very well off parents they decided she needed to learn to be responsible and grow up so they cut her off. So it would make sense she was taking on extra shifts to maintain her lifestyle, so she thought that excuse would work perfectly.

H, 

I know I’m not exactly mushy- even though I’m mushier than you. But I keep glancing at you and I need to have a moment of mush…so forgive me. Don’t you dare say it’s a woman thing either or I will beat the misogyny out of you. Now that I’m done threatening your life, I should mention that i like you. Like really like you. It hits me at strange moments. Like when I want to deck that mouth of yours and you lick your lips and remind me why I shouldn’t- or when I’m ready to scream bloody murder at someone and you squeeze my hand and I calm down. Is that even remotely normal? Someone being able to have that much control over you? I’m not even sure it’s legal. 

then again you’ve never been in the business of legal now have you? ;). Yes, I drew a smiley. I know… I may come off as the one that knows about this relationship shit but the truth is- I’m fucked up. You know parts of it. I’ll..tell you the rest at some later date if you ever get curious. Some nights I can’t sleep at all- some nights I pull away from you and you don’t say a thing but I know you don’t like it… I’m a mess. Really. And I don’t know how to do anything real. But the truth is that this…is pretty fucking real. Butterflies in my stomach- would take down a cartel for you real. Want to see you every day real. And I don’t know how I got here. But I’m happy. And…scared you’ll use it against me. But you know. Mostly happy. 

uh yeah. I’m going to make eggs now- I know your ass will get up when you smell food.

Burn this when you read it, it’ll ruin my thug status.

Kemi: homie.

Kemi: not trying to be a cling on but its been a week..

Kemi: i know you have higher sex drive than that.