#thewipe

Soon, Tunisian president Zine El Abidine Ben Ali — whose name sounds a bit like a can of springs bouncing down a staircase — was toppled.

He can't eat a bacon sandwich without looking like a man who's been neknominated to eat a live bat.

Highlights included shots of Tony Blair sitting awkwardly like a spare prick at a wedding

Up here, Thatcher was about as popular as pus pie and piss gravy.

Newspapers exist chiefly to spoon feed the opinions of their readers back to them, much like an arse-to-mouth hosepipe.

Usually I find watching any sport less interesting than watching, say, cardboard exist.

And a dramatic series of side-to-side leg contractions which left the victim looking like a confused drunk desperately trying to shake a turd down their trouser leg.