#theweddingseries

The search has begun for an Officiant. Originally in my searches I was looking for a Filipino officiant so they would know the traditions, but after finding out the only known Filipino officiant wasn’t available, I was given a two alternatives that were not Filipino but had performed Filipino ceremonies in the past.

I first emailed a man through the wedding wire. He said he would be happy to do it although he suggested we look for someone more local as it was out of range for him and he would be charging a transportation fee. I liked his energy and thanked him for the transparency.

Next, Dennis and I had a consultation with a lady from Thornhill. She was very straightforward and broke down the process. We liked her, she had relatively low prices and would be satisfied to have her, but we decided to give it about a week and see at least one more person for good measure.

I decided to check out the other suggestion I had gotten from the Filipino Officiant, a lady from Richmond hill. We had some trouble for our first meeting. It was a really tight squeeze between work and dance and once I came home I couldn’t find the link for the chat. We went back and forth on texts and then she sent me a voice note telling me to go with my gut and find the right person for us. I have been leading with my gut this entire process, and something was telling me we had to meet this lady. Just from the voice note she sounded very animated and enthusiastic. So we rescheduled.

Upon the actual meeting, she went into great detail about her process. She talked a lot. I guess because of the first meeting I expected her to ask more about us but it also made sense that she’d rather lay out the process than to get to know us when we might not even be working with her. Either way we decided that she was more passionate and more captivating so immediately when the call was done we booked her.

As per the last post, I was waiting on this ring so everything could be official and I could actually get started on more planning. 

Early last week my friend Zul asked if I wanted to meet her at a park to hang out on Sunday. I got suspicious because she’s not one to plan a meet up very far in advanced, also this particular park has some significance to Dennis and he mentioned it a few days prior. 

He did a good job confusing me because he took me out to the first cafe we ever hung out at in the morning and another restaurant for lunch, then said he was on his way to work afterward. My guess was he would go to work and later Zul would want to go to the cafe. I was about 40% right. I end up arriving at the park and we went to the cafe first. We went and sat on the grass and I started to tell her about my day and how I thought he was going to propose. She said she needed to go to the bathroom but first she had to put something in her car.

So we’re walking and she stops at the ice cream truck. She mentioned wanting a strawberry Sunday. Despite my weakness for the ice cream truck (as a child I would chase it on my bike, even travel over to the next neighborhood to find it), I did not feel like ice cream. I was pretty full from the lunch and needed to walk it off. The ice cream man started to offer it to us for free and I was hesitant because I knew I wasn’t going to finish so I asked to come back later. Zul all of a sudden just asks to get the ice cream  because well, it’s free.

I see the man hand the cone to someone. My thought was “oh how nice he has a helper for the toppings). DENNIS POPPED OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH THE RING ON THE ICE CREAM, SHADOWED BY HIS COUSINS AND MY OTHER BEST FRIEND IN THE BACKGROUND. 

I was in shock because I never would have thought he would surprise me like that. It was perfection to say the least. He said he thought about it after we decided to have an ice cream truck for late night snacks.

It’s been just over two weeks since the last post, and honestly not much more development on the planning side. There’s really not too much for me to do right now since I’m still waiting on the ring. It’s so funny (and a little exhausting) to have to tell people “I’m still waiting for him to propose BUT THE VENUE IS BOOKED SO IT IS HAPPENING.” I do think it’ll be sometime this weekend. Dennis asked me to go to the park where we used to go on the first day of summer (pre-covid), and he had this big, dumb smile on his face. Then a few days later he asked if I wanted to go for a lunch date next weekend and he was laughing after I said yes. This man cannot keep a secret.

But in other news, I was talking to my sister-in-law about the planning and I told her I was learning calligraphy to do my own invitations. She told me that I should save myself the trouble and just print them. Nobody would know.

But, I would know.

I reflected on the conversation a day or so later and I realized that I am just extra, and that if I want something done a certain way I will do it myself. Moreover, there are probably a lot of people just like me that are lazy and willing to pay someone else to do it. So I decided after this that I would become a wedding planner! I enrolled in an online calligraphy class equipped with hundreds of worksheets and I’ve been practicing every day. I’ve bought a few different pens and brushes, and gotten started with an organization that helps with start ups. I don’t know how I didn’t think of it before, but it’s almost as if I am merging all my paths into one.

Lastly, I found this box of letters that I bought in 2018 that is called “To the one I marry.” I bought it on sale and then realized it was on sale because it was pretty stupid. They were letters with envelopes titled with different times to open each letter, but the actual letters were fill in the blanks. In 2018 I just wrote in between the lines on each letter so I could write my own stuff but yeah it’s messy to read and also my mind at 23 vs 27 is probably a lot different. I will likely just get new fancy paper to write proper letters but give both so he can have contrast.

Yesterday I attempted to use my dip pen to practice. Man it was way harder that the marker or the cartridge pen. I watched many videos and I think I’ll be able to at least get the ink on the paper next time lol.

So hopefully this will be the last of the catch up posts, and moving forward I may have shorter updates every few days. But to be real I straight up write novels sometimes when unloading my thoughts.

The dress is probably one of the most magical things a bride gets to choose. When I was younger I had a white blanket that I would wrap around myself like a towel, and because I was small the end would drag behind me like a train.

To be honest i hadn’t given my gown too much thought. At prom I had one of those princess type dresses that ballooned out so having that fulfilled I wasn’t sure if I wanted that shape again or if something else would suit me. As per some tips I got online, I had planned to look at 3 stores and purchase my dress sometime in the fall when it was off season and the prices would drop to make room for next season’s dresses.

I didn’t do too much research but as Instagram started to flood my story timeline with wedding ads (curse you voice detection) there was a bridal shop that caught my eye from their sales. I haven’t actually been able to ask my third bridesmaid, Vickie, about her part in the wedding so I asked my MOH Venuya and my other bridesmaid Zul when they may be free to go with me.

Venuya drove with me across the city to the shop and Zul was a little behind because of traffic, so we got started. I let the consultant know that I had *almost* zero expectations and that my intention for the visit was to get an idea of what I might like. She first walked me through the racks of dresses she thought would make sense for my height, and gave me details on the types of fabric and styles.

We singled out a couple to start and I went to the change room to try them on. 

The first was a 3/4 sleeve ballgown. The top was very lovely and consisted of lace. It had a full skirt made of Taffeta. It was crazy to see myself in a dress and we all quickly agreed that the full-skirt-ballroom look was probably what I would need to go for. As lovely as the shape and top were, I hated the stiff feeling of the Taffeta

The second gown was strapless. While I didn’t have much expectations one this I knew I didn’t want was strapless. I was advised the straps could be added. I don’t remember the fabric of the skirt but it was nicer, however it did not give off the full effect that the first one gave. and I believe the top had sequins or something of the sort and I just did not like it.

The third dress had a gorgeous top. The patterning was lace with some beading. The skirt was full but it was filled with sparkles so it felt a little tacky/childish for me

This is where Zul came in and it starts to get muddy. I tried one that was between an a-line and a mermaid shape, There was something I liked about the fabric but overall it was a little too plain.

There was another that was a lace up back. I looooove lace up back. I had my prom dress altered to be lace up and it was one thing I thought that I would definitely want on my gown and it did look really good, however the skirt wasn’t full enough.

The other two were not memorable, so I decided to end the consultation there

I told the consultant we were finished and thanked her for helping me get a good idea. She left us to our own devices then and I decided to sift through the dresses on clearance with Zul before we left. I was lazily looking through and Zul pulled out a gorgeous dress. The top had really elegant and elaborate beading, and a full skirt made with Chiffon (I think, will edit later if I’m wrong) overlay. I asked a different associate if I could try it on quickly. I put it on and man, my jaw dropped (there is photographic evidence of this genuine reaction).

She proceeded to tell me that the reason it was being discontinued was due to suppliers not being able to ship those materials over and that it was actually the last one. I’ve had a handful of instances in my lifetime of being told an item I liked is either the last in my size or the last of its kind. Something inside me told me if I didn’t get it I would regret it. It was perfect and because it was on clearance it was half the price of my max budget. So I bought it.

The associate brought over a little bell and asked if I was saying yes to the dress, so I got to ring it and do a little dance before I paid lol. What an experience to get it on the first try. 

So as most girls do, I have fantasized about my wedding for practically all my life. I’ve thought a great deal about who would be walking down the aisle with me as my Bridal team. Throughout the years it has changed a few times, I even had a crisis a year or so after high school because I wasn’t seeing those friends as often and I hadn’t developed many close friendships outside of high school yet.

Fast forward through the years, and the dance crew Dennis and I were a part of had become particularly close to the point where we were undeniably family. What I’m starting to understand as I age is nothing is ever REALLY solid. At the beginning of covid, we had a few unfortunate events that fractured the group. From where I stood in the situation I had faith by the time our Wedding came around there wouldn’t be any ill feelings.

What was hard was last year, the person I considered to be my best friend had put me through absolute shit. I’ll spare the details, but she was spiraling and everything I tried in order to help she saw as betrayal. We have since cleared the air, but even so, it has not been the same. It’s caused me quite a bit of stress because I thought she’d be my maid of honor or at least a bridesmaid. 

Any who, in June Dennis’ mom had asked us if we planned to do the Filipino ceremonial traditions. This includes 4 rituals, the lighting of the candles representing the union of the families, the handling of the veil which would wrap around Dennis and I to signify clothing two individuals as one , a cord wrapped around us in a figure 8 to represent everlasting fidelity, and gold coins that are to be a pledge of the welfare of the family.

I have seen these  traditions at a handful of weddings, I hadn’t really thought about it for my own but I had just attended the engagement part of an elementary school friend that was full of traditions from her culture and it was really nice to see that. With those traditions, we have to pick people to walk down the aisle with each item, so it actually extends our wedding party.

We decided 3 Bridesmaids, 3 Groomsmen, and the 8 people chosen as our sponsors to bring these items to the alter. Again, really weird to put a sort of rank on our friendships but it did make it easier to extend to those who were close. For myself, I chose my childhood best friend who is my longest friendship as my maid of honor, my friend from our dance crew who I was a trio with that other friend, and another friend from dance who is quiet but also one of my most trustworthy friends. I rooted my decisions on who I have no trouble being honest with and who has really shown up for me over the last few years.

Growing up, I would imagine my Wedding a lot. There were many people I assumed would be there because well, they were there throughout my life. Fast forward to coming up with a guestlist, you really don’t know how many people you know.

It’s weird because it’s almost like you’re ranking the people in your lives, and there is actually SO MUCH to consider. We started but writing out everyone we wanted ideally. We did this before we booked the venue to get an idea of what we had. I thought it would be easy since me and Dennis dance, there are a ton of mutual friends, but it actually made it harder because in addition to who we wanted personally it could easily jump to 200. 

Dennis has a lot of family, and but I had a lot of groups of friends. For our first list I didn’t even put everyone I wanted because it actually surpassed his list.  He had his family and about 3 high school friends. I had family on my dad side, family friends, friends from high school, friends from church, friends from dance outside our dance crew, work. It’s funny because there are so many instances when I feel I don’t have any friends but having to cut people out made me really reevaluate that thought. 

We somehow got it to 136. But as the planning would come up in conversation it got more difficult. For one, you might not be close to one person, but some couples or groups are a package deal if you want to avoid ~drama~. We went to a party with Dennis’ high school friend’s a got to talking to another couple who was also planning their wedding. He made a point to let us know we would be invited to theirs-- originally Dennis hadn’t put him on the list because they weren’t particularly close, but now it just seemed rude not to. 

So we revisited the list and I attempted to cut down my side. It was very hard because one group had two couples getting married this year that I would be attending this year, but Dennis had only met this group once. I also had family friends that he either didn’t meet or didn’t remember meeting. The list was sitting at 110 when we actually booked the venue and chose to do buffet, which meant we actually had some more wiggle room.

I *thought* I was content with the list, but also this summer is the first summer that covid had taken a back seat, and well we were starting to see more people. We went to my Godmother’s house and we decided she should be there, plus another family that was part of my mom’s trio. Then I spoke to my mom and she threatened to stay home and do the crosswords if I didn’t also invite the neighbors surrounding our house. That was a tough conversation because I am not close with the neighbors as I moved out 6 years ago, but her argument was that she doesn’t have any family here so she should be allowed a few extra friends. As much as I wanted to stand my ground after Dennis and I talked about it, we decided her request was reasonable.

So I have always been a sentimental person. With technology nowadays, I know it’s easier and cost efficient to just send out e-invites, but I like to have something physical. I decided that my invitations would not only be physical, but also hand written.

Mid-June, Dennis and I found some invitations at Michaels Craft Store that seemed they would be on brand for us. We hadn’t exactly chosen the colour theme yet but my last name is Pink so we knew that would be one. we chose flat blush pink cards with gold leaves bordering the corners.

My mom works in a big fancy hotel, and when I was younger there was a lady that was a resident there that would send me gifts for Christmas and Birthdays along with a beautifully written card. I decided it would be worth sending her a message to request her to do my invitations. She did accept, but unfortunately the timing just wasn’t right and she would be on a trip until November. I wanted to be able to send my invitations ASAP as the wedding is just over a year away.

I thought about other people that may be able to do the job, but then I thought why not just do it myself? I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but I figured if I knew exactly what to write on the invitations and I practice that every day for a month or two that I should be able to do a decent job. And thus started my calligraphy journey!

I went back to Michaels mid July and started to look for supplies. I had no idea what I was looking for and googling “calligraphy for beginners” didn’t help either lol. I decided to go with a chisel tip marker and a bullet journal. I got home and followed a few videos for the alphabet. I found that I have a pretty steady hand, so a lot of the letters came out quite nice as a went slow. After practicing for a few pages I decided that the style I was getting from the marker was too thick and boxy.

I searched a few more videos to get more of a sense of style, and sent a message to the only other friend I’ve known to learn calligraphy. Based on the videos I decided to try a fountain tip pen. Still trying to be on the safe side, I went with one that had an ink cartridges' instead of the kind you dip in ink that had a straight edge 1.5mm nib. This gave me a look that was closer to the cursive I was seeking, but I found the straight edge a little difficult to use.