I am happy.
I should be happy. 
There isn’t anything to be unhappy about.
But I still think,
what if he decides to leave ?
To go back to her ?
Or to someone new?
That time he spent with her , those emotions he felt , the love he had for her. How could it all disappear? Does he not still love her ? 
STOP!
He is with you.
Yeah,
but what if ?
What if , all that love and all those memories come flooding back ,
hitting him,
consuming him, 
and so he goes back?
Or what if, he can’t wait , wait for me, to push my insecurities away?
And so, he picks a new one.
A prettier one,
a better one.
One,
who is whole,
who is normal,
who isn’t sitting,
frazzling
and
fizzling,
like a hot pot of water, 
pushing
and
spluttering
the lid open with droplets of sabotage spreading everywhere.
