The Scale
The scale and i have never been friends, it has always told me that I’m not enough.
The world, or Hollywood, has such twisted views on what Beautiful is. The “average” woman is a size 14, not a size 0.
I remember i used to wish that i could just cut my fat off of my body, even when i lost weight, I never felt enough. That’s when my good friend depression would show up and “confirm” in my mind that I wasn’t worthy; I wasn’t good enough. This culture is highly based on looks, if you don’t look a certain way then you aren’t good enough or special and that’s disgusting.
Freshman year of high school, it was my first time going back to school after being homeschooled for a few years, I went to a private school. I was a size 8 and i was in the top three biggest girls in the entire school. At a size 8. And people noticed, boys especially, there was no boyfriends that year, the boys at that school all said i was too fat for them.
I feel people are always saying girls are “too much” of something. Too emotional, too needy, too sassy, too bossy and worst of all, too fat
I didn’t start to learn to like my body until this year, at 23 years old. Not at 13, or 16, or 18, twenty three.
I want to somehow save my.future daughter from this pain. I want to teach her to love herself. No matter what.No matter what a dumb boy says, no matter what the magazines say and what the models look like; everyone's body is different.
At one point in time, for a while, i weighed myself everyday, worked out everyday for hours, would punish myself for eating something bad, and still hated my body. So, I decided to do things differently and to start loving my body first and getting healthier, not worrying about the number on the scale.
After all, it is only a dumb number.
-Sarah
