#therealruney

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“It’s a pity, Gazel,” Hiroto says, as if he could even start tounderstand what it feels like to be tosed to the trash as if he were nothing,as if he gave a shit that he’s going to be discharged from his duty, as if hewas actually sad that Suzuno’s not going to be his opponent any longer.

Nagumo starts saying something, but he doesn’t listen.

It’s not a coincidence that air is his element; cold, severe, numbing, cutting,unforgiving, dangerous. It’s not a coincidence that he can summon ice and useit against the enemy, since that’s all he is, all he’s ever been.

The reunion lasts some more minutes yet he’s frozen, hands curled intofists, muscles trembling out of control, eyes lost nowhere – fossilized, immobilizedto his core.

Suzuno’s quick to get into the elevator once Hiroto calls them off,wishing to be left alone. His wishes aren’t fulfilled, since Nagumo gets intothe elevator with him and snorts at him, lingering on the satisfaction Hiroto’sannouncement has brought him. Suzuno knows anything that makes him slightlymiserable will make Nagumo happy, but today he’s not in the mood for hisenmity. He really isn’t.

“You didn’t even try,” Nagumo bickers at him, hands on his hips and thatarrogant expression Suzuno detests so much on his face. “You’ve played better practicingagainst me, and that’s saying a lot, since you were never really that strong tobegin with.”

It’s been years since they started getting on each other’s throats forno reason at all, years since they stopped being friends and started treatingeach other like actual crap, always yearning to discourage, enrage, sadden orintimidate the other with their power. It’s been years and Suzuno is used toit, but today he’s done. He’s done with the academy, done with never beingenough, done being done.

He crosses his arms and looks away, no energy in him to answer or toeven consider answering.

Nagumo frowns. Suzuno’s always been cold and impassive, silent, but hisposture isn’t the usual. He seems small, petite, scared, as if he wanted tomelt into the wall and cease to exist. His mood, aura or however one wants tocall it makes Nagumo feel uneasy, guilty.

Nagumo crosses his arms, asks, “what, nothing?”

Suzuno doesn’t answer.

“Honestly, Gazel,” Nagumo huffs, bothered by Suzuno’s attitude. He’drather have him snap back at him than to be ignored. He’s always despised whenSuzuno ignored him. He crosses his arms and faces forward to the door of theelevator. “I know you’re ashamed but you could at least answer.”

Suzuno clears his throat, hair hiding his expression from his mate. “There’snothing to say.”

Nagumo looks at him, the tone of his voice unsettling him. He knows he’sbeen mean to Suzuno all day, but his attitude is starting to make him wonder ifthey should worry that Diamond Dust’s loss has actually fucked up its captain.At least, even tho he doesn’t want it, there’s a wriggling and heavy worrymoving in his guts, ready to manifest itself.

The elevator stops and Suzuno slips outside and away into the corridor,walking slowly, with no energy at all. Nagumo’s about to turn the other way andleave him alone but he follows Suzuno, throwing his arms behind his head in acareless move and saying: “I’ll be next to defy Raimon and we’ll beat the shitoutta them, you’ll see. Prominence will take a win for ya.”

He didn’t pretend to sound soothing or comforting, so when Suzuno stopsto stare at him with the kind of expression that demands comfort and sweetwords, it freezes him, makes him lower his arms and stare away.

“Okay,” Suzuno accepts, and Nagumo has to look back at him, surprised inevery possible way by the softness on Suzuno’s voice, the frailness of hisattitude.

They stand in the middle of the corridor, in silent, for some moreseconds, staring at one another.

In the end, Nagumo awkwardly pats Suzuno’s shoulder and walks away, notreally knowing how the situation’s made him feel. It’s the first time in yearshe doesn’t want to rip Suzuno’s head off or that Suzuno doesn’t make him feellike they want to make each other disappear. It’s the furthest away from anynegative sensation he’s been when around Suzuno since they were kids, and hedoesn’t know how to handle it, doesn’t know how to handle that Suzuno may notactually hate him.

On the other hand, Suzuno knows damn well what he’s feeling. He neverforgot what being Nagumo’s friend was like – how that scalding energy couldpick him up off the ground and return the willing to live into his body. He’snever forgotten their friendship nor has forgiven Nagumo for ditching him whenhe had the chance.

This is the closer they’ve been in years of becoming friends again, andSuzuno doesn’t know how to take that, doesn’t know if he wants that.

He gets to his room and, as he starts to worry about his situation inthe academy and what’s going to happen next, he lets Nagumo’s failed attempt atmaking him feel better slip out of his mind, and lets the restlessness consumehim.

Today is not a day to win. Today is a day of loss.

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Love me some good angst.