I’m just here to vent about my twitter and the SepticLight project, so I’m sorry ahead of time.
I would use twitter, but I keep getting in trouble for no reason. I can’t help but wonder why. Things I tweet is nothing bad, but I was “found” and got in trouble. Worse thing is, I can’t do the project after the 6th. I’m trying, really. I have to work on a compromise schedule with my mom, but she threatened to take the internet away from me.
She threatened to take the internet, Jack, the SepticLight project, all of that away from me. The things that make me happy. The things that make me happy are Jack and is this SepticLight project. She was so supportive for the first leg and she saw how happy this made me. By the 2nd leg, she started to think it was taking up, controlling my life, and it wasn’t that. If anything, it was helping me become a more organized person.
It helped with my anxiety and it helped me release stress. It helped me, but she doesn’t listen. She’s telling me to quit after the 6th, after Kansas City, and not do the 3rd leg, but I can’t. I can’t do that to people. I already know everything I need to do, and it would be hard to teach Delanie to do everything I do.
I get so upset when she tells me ‘no’ about this project. She doesn’t like Jack because he cusses. I told her there’s more to him than cuss words. He does charity, he makes people happy, he’s saved people. He does so much that she doesn’t realize.
When she said I could go to Jack’s show, I worked my butt off to pay off the VIP ticket that I bought. St. Louis, June 1st, 2018 was the best night of my life and unfortunately, I didn’t make it in time that morning to at least get a hug. It would’ve meant the world to me to get a hug. When I told my mom that I missed out on a hug, she scoffed and said “you need to get over him. he’s way too old your you. you’re a teenage girl and he doesn’t care about you.”
I always tell her about Jack’s pretty girlfriend, Signe, and how I don’t think of him romantically. I don’t like him like that at all. I only think of him as a role model, but she doesn’t think like that. She thinks he’s controlling my life. She thinks all these things that aren’t true.
She doesn’t want me to be happy. She wants me to be her puppet, her robot. She wants me to follow in her footsteps. She wants me to be the daughter she’s always dreamed of. Not the one who rebels and watch guys who cuss on cameras and yell at the screen. She assumes that YouTubers never have free time and they’re on the internet 24/7 which is not true at all.
She thinks I can’t do the project and do school (because the 3rd leg happens when I’m in school). So... To make things happen, I won’t be on the internet a lot this summer. I’ll be figuring out a little schedule and spending time with family. I’ll be on every weekend until school starts up. When school starts up, I’ll be on every other day. I don’t want my mom to think I can’t handle the project and school.
I want her to trust me for this last stretch of year. I’ll be 18 next year and I just want her to understand that I can do this. I want her to trust me with the internet, with my grades, and this project.
I want my 17th year to be okay and positive for my 18th move out. Yes, I’m getting away from my mom when I’m 18. I want to live on my own and make my own decisions. I don’t want to be trapped in the religion. I just want to be okay again.
So.. Thank you for hearing me out. This vent is kinda important for a bunch of people here, including my friends. I really hope you understand. Thank you for listening.
