#therapyupdate

28-03-2019 Therapy Update

I am just 6 days away from therapy. I started to draw some drawings which can show my emotions what I feel. 2 weeks since I told everything to my mother. It's been a stressful 2 weeks. Lot of emotional breakdowns and updowns. Two days ago my mother and I sat down together, it was fully random.

We could talk about the topic what we talked about 2 weeks ago. She said I am brave and we can rebuild our relationship if we put energy in it. She said she loves me no matter what. I could share with her my fears about a different topic and could ask for advice. That was a big step because we have never talked about this before.

I can see everything now and I am hopeful that these bad childhood traumas can fade away when the adult one (me) meeting with the whole situation and hear the opposite opinion of that topic. It's different what I heard when I was a kid and what I hear as an adult. My old traumatic memories will fade away because I know the full story and I hear the opposite. (You can't and disgusting! - You can and it's okay)

I am really hopeful and therapy is the best thing what ever happend to me. I am growing and changing, and can't wait to tell this to my therapist.

Honestly, I don't know how I've managed. I keep looking at the calendar in disbelief, when I notice it's been over four months. It has helped that I've been in a pretty good place mentally ( with the exception of the first month of summer). Knowing that I couldn't contact T made me take care of myself more than I would have if I could talk to her. I had to be the one to hold myself accountable. Most days I think of T at some point and I really miss her, but as time goes on I think about that less. If t eventually does come back to practicing I'm not sure if I will continue with therapy. #1 I think this break did a lot of damage to our relationship and I'm not sure if things can go back to how they were. #2 I'm doing okay without it. It is a huge expense and not having that extra expense has been nice.