When I say that I love you, I guess what I mean is that I love you like a home I have to leave.
-Tyler Lyle (When I Say That I Love You)

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When I say that I love you, I guess what I mean is that I love you like a home I have to leave.
-Tyler Lyle (When I Say That I Love You)

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me practicing my DBT skills through gritted teeth and lots of internal emotional struggle because people do not behave themselves
i had therapy today, here's what i learned
✧ i am allowed to take a break when i deem it necessary. for me, easing anxiety means going into a cooled, dark space where i can lay down and reconnect. when i feel ready, i return to the place or situation.
✧ caffeine makes anxiety and stress worse. i’ll stick with fresh water and green tea (if i need a caffeine boost)!
✧ being a people pleaser does not discredit the boundaries i’ve set for myself. i am allowed to do what i want to do.
✧ instead of keeping news alerts on my phone, i will take time during the day to view them when i feel mentally prepared to consume the information.
therapy notes:
trauma can freeze a part of you at the age it happens. often called arrested development, emotionally, spiritually, one can be frozen in growth, and in some, it may feel as if the trauma is still happening in present time.
activity:
revisiting trauma (facing it) and releasing it (sometimes out loud) by forgiving (or asking forgiveness about) the situation, will help to move on. sometimes there’s multiple layers to it and will take a few times to do so.
if i had to name one single neurosis that's caused the most pain in my family, it's other people are props for my emotional gratification
Subheadings:
you are the only thing that can console me, so i'm entitled to you
I'm not okay unless you are who i want you to be
punishment is reinforcing to the punisher
"i love you" means "i feel love for you, and it hurts."
i can't think about it too hard or i'll go crazy

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Another look into the front of my Hobonichi Weeks. I also include these therapy reminders in the front of my Weeks in order to remember to practice these things when I’m feeling overwhelmed/hyper-vigilant/triggered/scared/panicked. Habits (even ones that no longer serve you) can be difficult to break out of. These reminders will be waiting for me when I need them, so I can form new, healthier habits. This actually is a summary of what I’d worked on over the years, put together by my previous therapist so I could show it to my new therapist. At the bottom, I have space to write down other reminders/practices I may work on in therapy this year that I want to remember to apply outside of therapy.
I want therapy sessions every day, I want my therapist to specialize in ME. How is she supposed to understand how my brain works when we’re just barely able to get through talking about the worst of what the week has thrown at me??