#theoreticalmetaphysics

You inspire me.

edi jan nalang sa mga boss mo. haha. 

I would have given anything to stop the clock, or maybe turn it back, just to let us live it all once more. But fore seasons pass with our without our consent, and I knew in my heart we could not stay together, forever. We’re caught up in something bigger and more beautiful that I had ever known and experience in this world, but this cannot last for a lifetime.

Before I had met you, I have done something. Something awful, but I am not regretting it for it has saved my mother's life. I have lost my virginity that night but it's still the night when my mother life's lengthen. I feel dirtied and unworthy but I have hidden it inside of me, there are nights, that's I wake up crying and feeling the same pain I have felt that night, still I kept it to myself.

The day I met you, is the day I ever felt worthy and loved, again. There was beauty, innocence, excitement and love in those days we had shared together. Moments I wished could last forever. And those blissful memories are only the things I could hold on to.

Months after that blissful meeting, and exactly five months after that night. Signs and symptoms of it started to show and in that moment I have known, I will lose you, too. I am breaking into the idea of that this is just the way things are.

"I'm dying, Jae"

I whispered as I write my parting letter. I was nearly choking myself while I was fighting the tears back. You may say I am a coward, but I couldn't say these things in front of you Jae. So I have chosen the easiest escape I know, leave you behind without saying it in front of your face. I know you'll be ad at me, you have every right to be. Be mad at me, but please know this what I knew that is the best for the both of us. I'm so sorry Jae, I don't have the guts to tell you this.

I know if I'll ask you to stay you would, and don't want to be selfish, you have so much to offer and I don't want to hold you back. You deserve someone much much more than me, someone who's not dirtied and pure and as much I wanted to be that someone, but I can't. And I can't stay with you anymore. Maybe in another lifetime, till we meet again.