#thedrunkenmonkey

Reposted from @sonicdojo Reverend Beat-Man #live @ #thedrunkenmonkey #augsburg #rocknroll #thrash #voodoorythmrecords #garage #craftbeerbar #beer #concert #reverendbeatman #loud #onemanband https://www.instagram.com/p/CeRTI9dg8o2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#thedrunkenmonkey #shoreditch #drinks (at The Drunken Monkey)

Tonight is our Release Show for "Burial Grounds" in Ashland, Pa at The Drunken Monkey w/ Ruin By Design, @vltrpk , & The Business Fairy. We couldn't be more stoked to share this record with everyone! See you tonight! • • • #burialgrounds #cohc #conditionoakland #ruinbydesign #vulturepeak #thebusinessfairy #nolessrecords #ashlandpa #thedrunkenmonkey #happysaintpatricksday #jackedgreenbeer

#red #lanterns #thedrunkenmonkey #london

Directly after the monkey had his first sip of alcohol, he was drunk. He was so, so, so drunk that he saw Satan. Satan told him to put his hands down his pants. The monkey said that he did not wear pants because he was a monkey and had not fallen to original sin when Eve became a prostitute so he didn't not need to wear pants. The devil told him he was an idiot. Everybody wears pants and everybody is a sinner. Everybody. Especially my son. The devil told the monkey to put his hands in-between his legs instead, so the monkey did. He found his penis, threw up and then touched it again because it felt nice. He pulled and pulled on his penis until white toothpaste came pouring out of it. He is going to Hell. Satan laughed at him and flew away.

Anyway, after the monkey got out of hospital and off the tuba, he decided that he was going to settle down, learn to deal with his diabetes and grow up. This was probably the best thing he ever decided to do but it was still a sin because it was an active decision and he didn't ask God if it was O.K. first. I ask God about everything and he never replies so I don't really do much. Really, I only write but I think that's O.K. because I repent and then whip myself after each chapter. I think this is wise. But anyway, for a while the monkey did this. Then he became 18 and had his first drink of alcohol... (I'm sorry I have to go now. I'll finish this chapter soon but for now it will remain this way. My son asked me to go to meet him so instead I'm leaving the house and going to shout at sinners so he doesn't find me).

The drunken monkey got diabetes because he was so fat. God was punishing for his sins: being a monkey, being born, eating too much and having diabetes. This made him depressed so he ate more and ended up in hospital, eating out of a Tuba. For a while it looked like he wasn't going to make it, which would have been okay, but the hospital saved him. They are all sinners and I don't like them. My son works for the NHS. He is dead to me: I send him letters written on crisp packets telling him so.

When Tarquin was a teenager he was very fat because he ate so many crisps. No-one likes fat monkeys.