#thediaryofapanda

Hello~ I haven't been on this blog in a while.. Sorry :c but I'm just so stressed out. Last week was quarterly / midterm stuff and now it's February which is my personal favorite month~ because.. It's lunar new year! I get to perform, spend time with friends and family, and just immerse myself in my culture.. But unfortunately that also means HUGE amounts of stress and everything.. I haven't been sleeping well. People need so much from me now, even the smallest things are stressful to me. I think I need to take a break but I don't know how to.. There's just so much going on.. Still I can't say I'm complaining too much because after all it's time for the lunar new year and fun~ Well I'm gonna continue <PROMISE> tomorrow bc I'm actually going to sleep at 1 for a change.. As opposed to 2-3 OTL Night! -Panda

Sorry.. to the 2 ppl who follow this... ;u;

Wooopsss this is a bit late. It's 1:51am the next day but it's okay. I'll write a quick thing before I go to bed ^^ Well today I still didn't do great in Calc but I mean merp I'll have to try harder next time. People always say that: I'll do it next time. But they never do and I'm guilty of that. But I think this year I really need to change who I am. I'm not satisfied with who I am. Sometimes I'm WAAY too sensitive. Sometimes not enough. But I'm definitely not courageous and confident enough. And that pisses me off. When I was young, I was raised to be confident. I was forced into that because I was deaf and there was no excuse to that.. I had to do it if I wanted to fit in. But today now I DONT want to fit in and that's ironic. I spent my whole entire life trying to fit in, learned 4 languages, attend a mainstream school but now i don't want to fit in... Am I doing something wrong? I don't know anymore. But I do know that I have to do something and whether getting ready to audition is the right thing or not, I don't know. At least it's different. I'm so afraid of becoming the same as everyone else. Of course everyone's unique in their own little way but as a whole we're all the same. I need to do something. I don't know what it is and I feel lost because of that. I'm just gonna end there for now. I'll write a better one tomorrow? Who knows. But good night! -panda

-Panda

Panda

-Panda