Do You Believe?
Original Imagine: hi! I love your writing! it’s absolutely amazing! I was wondering if I could have a one shot request where the reader gets critically injured bc Barry wasn’t fast enough to save her. super angsty and sad? thank you! @zbvbble (Sorry it took so long Sweetie! hope you enjoy, cuz it almost killed me!)
Reader Gender: Female
Word Count: 2,000
Warnings: ANGST. SO MUCH ANGST. UH. OH MY GOD. I’M SO SORRY.
Author: Contrygal7
* * * * *
If I didn’t believe in you.
The words cut deep into your head, the first thought of the day and recalling fights hurt. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard those words, though. Of course the first time wasn’t nearly as depressing.
No.
The first time it was warm. A fuzzy kinda warm that slowly seeps its way into your bones almost as if its igniting your entire body in a tantalizingly slow burn. The early morning sunshine, the whole world cascaded in a pink tint, as it fell lazily over the small bedroom in your even smaller studio apartment that you currently shared with your full time boyfriend part time superhero, Barry Allen.
The whole day seemed to reflect your mood, everything a stupid, can’t possibly be real kinda happy. Then you heard it, you’d heard it before of course, but singing in the shower was one thing… This was something different all together.
♪ If I didn’t believe in you♪
♪We’d never have gotten this far. ♪
♪If I didn’t believe in you♪
♪And all of the ten thousand women you are. ♪
He was actually singing. Like he sounded like he knew what the hell he was doing, now your boyfriend was many things. Goofy. Cute. Adorable. A super dork. Charismatic as hell when he wanted to be. But a singer? It just didn’t seem like it was actually him.
… Until he accidentally dropped this solid one liner into the air in front of him.
“Maybe I should just ask her… Nah. No. It’s too soon. Yeah. It’s wayyyyyyy to soon. But is it? Seven months? Maybe. I mean, ugh. I don’t know. I mean I know it’s what I want. But is it what she wants?”
Elevated heart rate, which Barry can hear, or sense or whatever the fuck he does. He turns around faster than your eyes can see, but living with a speedster you we’re used to it.
His deep blue eyes seemed to mirror your own terror as the two of you stood in the bright sunny kitchen, the tension palpable. You could feel his anxiety from across the small room as he too loudly asked “Coffee? You need coffee. I need coffee. I think we both need coffee. I’ll…”
Barry was gone and back in seconds two coffee cups from CC Jitters. You smile sweetly at his terror filled face as a single hand cups his cheek “Thank you sweetheart. Did you have something you wanted to ask me?”
His eyes screamed yes, but somehow he kept his dorkiness to a minimum as he, as slowly as a speedster can, dropped down on one knee. His big puppy dog eyes are what sealed the deal, he opened the small black velvet box in his hands. You looked down, catching glimpse of the shiny red bone shaped dog tag nestled inside.
BUT back to present day … Barry had left this morning with out a single noise.
You woke to a dark room and cold sheets. Glancing quickly at the alarm the 5:13 there glared at you with bright green neon. The world around you seemed to darken, you didn’t like fighting with Barry but sometimes he was just so stubborn.
The fight seemed to cycle and cycle thought your head. You overthought everything said and remembered everything. It was torture, sitting alone in a bed meant for two. Cold and alone. A single tear fell from your cheek as the words said came into razor focus:
“WEll, I’m sorry Barry! I’m sorry I can’t be everything that you want me to be! I’m sorry I’m not a doctor like Caitlin, or a superstar reporter like Iris! Shit Barry.“
"Who said anything about Caitlin or Iris?”
“And you’re never home! You’re always with everyone else but me. You leave me for days, sometimes weeks at a time with no explanation.”
“I have responsibilities (Y/N)! I can’t be here every time you have a feeling!”
“Like you’d know anything about me feelings, Barry. You’re never home. You’re always gallivanting around the city, fighting bad guys and ignoring ME!”
“I do NOT ignore you (Y/N).”
“Well you certainly don’t pay attention.“
"And when am I suppose to do that (Y/N)? The three hours I get to sleep at night? Or maybe you’d like the thirty minutes before hand when I eat before I pass out. Oh! Or maybe you’d like the eight hours when I’M AT WORK EVERYDAY.”
“OR you could come home before the goddamn crack of dawn. Or when you do come home, you always find some kind of excuse to leave yet again!“
The click of paws on the floor snapped you from your memory so you figured Flash, the lovable dalmatian that you and Barry adopted together, needed to go outside.
Without hesitation you stumbled your way through the dark gathering Flash’s leash and your shoes before hustling him outside.
The air was cold and wet. The rain fell around you, chilling you to the bone. You didn’t see anything until it was too late. The sweet smell filled your nostrils and the last thing you remember is the cool sensation against your face as you feel into the darkness.
* Barry’s P.O.V *
I should have went back this morning. I should have went home and crawled into bed, held her close and never left. My neck is sore from sleeping on the couch at the lab, my body aches from lack of sleep, and my head is spinning in regrets.
I should just go home now. Call the captain, tell him I need a personal day. Pick up some flowers and some pizza from that place in Gotham she loves so much. Meet her back at the apartment and lay in bed all day.
Hell, she’s never going to say yes to marrying me if I keep treating her like this. My hand instantly goes to cup the diamond ring in my coat pocket. I shake my head as I realize that I’d been carrying it around since the second month we’d started dating.
She is my everything. I have to make this up to her.
I take out my phone and begin to execute my brilliant plan, until my phone lights up and Cisco’s name pops up. Damn it.
”Cisco, whatever it is let Wally handle it. I can–“
"Barry. It’s (Y/N).”
I was in Star Labs before the call ended.
“What’s happening Cisco?”
“The Meta-finder got something. It’s him Barry. And he’s got (Y/N).”
“How long?”
“I don’t know. Neighbors place her walking Flash at 5, and he just popped up on my radar. We have no account of his whereabouts for in between.”
“That’s 3 hours Cisco.”
“Yeah, man. It’s bad. Want me to call Oliver?”
“No.”
I didn’t finish my sentence. I left her alone. Scared. In the middle of a fight. And now I may never get to see her smile again. I suited up and headed face first into a hurricane.
* * * * *
You woke with a throbbing in the back of your head. Your stomach growled causing you to slump forward, you realized your hands were bound behind you. You shuffled forward trying to regain some kind of bearing, and that’s when you heard him.
“Comfy?”
“What the fuck do you want?”
“Oh I think we both know the answer to that question.”
“Well your not going to get it. He’s not coming.”
“Oh but he is.”
“Oh, but he’s not. Asshole.”
“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”
You tilted away from him, hoping to terminate any and all conversation which worked. For a whole half a second.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. He won’t get here in time.”
“I’m not taking the bait, asshole.”
“What is it with you and that word?”
“OH I’m sorry. Douche bag. There’s another word for ya.”
“What does Mr. Allen see in you anyway?”
Your eyes widened and you were thankful you’d turned your body away. How in the hell did he know? Your head began to throb again and you cried out.
The last thing you remember is Barry’s face as the darkness slowly took over. You stumbled over the words as they left your mouth. You didn’t know if he could hear them or not, but they needed to be said.
“I believe in you, Barry Allen.”
Your eyes closed slowly and your breathing soon followed. Everything blurred together. Then black.
* Barry’s P.O.V *
I saw the light leave her eyes and I cried out. I don’t remember much after that. Caitlin says it could have been that my body was moving faster than my brain could keep up with. Wells says it could have been too traumatic and I’ve blocked it out. I don’t know. I don’t really care.
All I know is she’s in a hospital bed, on life support and I’m still breathing. I haven’t figured out the how or the why yet.
Another tear falls down my face. It seems like that’s all I do now. Cry.
I feel nothing, I feel empty. I don’t eat. I don’t sleep. I just sit here and stare down at the love of my life. And pray that she will wake up.
Her last words bring a sharp pain to my chest.
I believe in you, Barry Allen.
Why? Her last words, she had to have known they were going to be, yet… She didn’t cry out for help. She didn’t try and plead for her life. She didn’t scream at the top of her lungs…
She told me exactly what I needed to hear. A single phrase and I felt I could take on the world. A conclusion of words that made me feel invisible. A solid string of syllables that connected the two of us in a way I didn’t even realize she was capable of.
A single memory came into mind. One with white curtains and yellow sunshine. Dirty dishes and happy times.
♪ If I didn’t believe in you. ♪
♪ We’d never have gotten this far. ♪
I took her hand into my own, feeling the warmth and smiling down at her.
♪ If I didn’t believe in you. ♪
♪ And all of the ten thousand women you are. ♪
I laughed slightly remembering how she hated when I sang that part to her. Part of me hoped it would piss her off enough she’d wake up.
♪ If I didn’t think you could do ♪
♪ Anything you ever wanted to ♪
♪ If I wasn’t certain that you’d come through somehow ♪
♪ The fact of the matter is, (Y/N). ♪
♪ I wouldn’t be sitting here now. ♪
She never once moved. I watched as the machine assisted her with each and every breath. The rise and fall of her chest and the sudden stillness of her seemed to be too much all at once.
I raised my hand to my face, feeling the sobs begin to tear through my body. I walked over to the machine and with a trembling hand, flipped all the necessary switches.
I watched though tear filled eyes as the machine took her final breath for her. Her eyes never once opening.
21:17
The clock taunted me beside me. I swear I could feel my soul leave my body.
I listened to the tantalizing beeping of the heart rate monitor.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I listened closer as it begin to flat line signaling the end of her life.
BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
Silence. It filled the room. Filled my head, my heart. Everything. There is no moving on from this kind of pain.
This is it.
The end.
Beep.
. . . . . Then again… Maybe not.
