#thebook illneverwrite

You took credit for my personal growth.

"Everyone says you're nicer, happier. It's because you're with me"

Like I wasn't capable of healing, growing on my own.

Like it hadn't started before you.

Like I hadn't fixed my damn self and put in the effort for years,

You just walked in my life and bam sunshines, unicorns and rainbows.

And you, I thought you were summer.

I blossomed in your season

But darling you were not summer, you were winter.

And the petals fell and the flowers died.

But heres the thing about flower gardens,

They grow back in summer.

But with an inanimate object that did nothing but give me scars.

The worst breakup I ever had was that of an addiction.

I was addicted to the pain,

I was addicted to the blade,

It was toxic,

It was damaging

And it was bad for my health,

But even still 3 years clean,

every now and again

I miss looking down and seeing the redlines breakup the paleness of my skin.

With cigarettes,

With alcohol,

With love that isn't really love.

I'm just trying to fill the void,

fix the lonlieness I feel inside,

Grasping at anything to fill the hole you left when you tore out my soul like it was an average wednesday for you.

It is calm most of the time,

I don't miss you often anymore

But it doesn't just come in waves,

It comes in tidal waves and typoons and god damn hurricanes.