#the two bartlets

FADE IN: INT. AIR FORCE ONE - DAY

5:40 A.M.

A television screen in the passageway is tuned to CNN Headline News. It's just moments after Air Force One took off for Iowa.

NEWSCASTER 2

Voters in Iowa will pass the first ballots as the Presidential primary season officially gets underway. President Bartlet, unchallenged in the Democratic caucus is flying to Cedar Rapids today. While on the Republican side, Governor Ritchie looks to be the front-runner in the primaries. The official campaign season begins today in Iowa...

In the staff cabin, C.J. is talking to her father on the phone.

C.J.

I'm on the plane... No, I'm on the plane... I'll be coming back tonight. It's just for the day... No, it's just for the day, Dad. We're coming back tonight... I won't be tired... I'll sleep if I'm tired, but I won't be tired... 'Cause we're coming back at 8:00 and I don't get tired at 8:00, plus I won't be the one flying the plane... Oh, my God. Dad, 'cause this is how it is. If it's in the 48 states, we come back the same day. The taxpayers paid for a very comfortable and fast airplane, and this is what they had in mind when they did... Am I gonna... No... Because I don't live in Iowa, and I'm not allowed to vote there... Ah, see. There's always a catch... Well, he's unchallenged in the Iowa caucus, so I like our chances... No, Dad. I'm on the plane... All right. I'll try and call you later if there's anything interesting to report... Talk to you later.

When she hangs up, the pilot speaks on the P.A. C.J. gets up and walks.

PILOT [on P.A.]

Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, good morning from the flight deck. This

is Lieutenant Colonel Gantry. We're passing through some turbulence on our way to a cruising altitude of 41,000 feet. Our flight plan this morning...

The plane encounters a little turbulence as the lights flicker. C.J. almost loses her balance, but she keeps on walking.

PILOT [CONT.]

...is going to take us over Wheeling and Toledo, the South Shore of Lake Michigan, then over Aurora, Illinois before we make our final approach to Eastern Iowa Airport in Cedar Rapids...

CONFERENCE ROOM. Toby is in a meeting with some people. As soon as he's done, C.J. enters.

WOMAN

Two weeks and we're in New Hampshire.

TOBY

Anything else? [beat] Okay. Thanks everybody.

PILOT [on P.A.]

...Our flight time today is an hour and 52.

C.J.

Excuse me.

TOBY

Is it possible we're riding into town in a soy-diesel bus?

C.J.

There was talk of it, but that idea got kicked off pretty quick.

TOBY

Yeah, okay.

C.J.

I'm gonna go back there. Have you guys zeroed in on a message for the day?

TOBY

How to reform the freedom to form act?

C.J.

[sighs] Ritchie's pulled in to single digits in the overnights.

TOBY

I saw.

C.J.

What a gift from heaven it would be if he won.

TOBY

Hmm? Yeah.

Out of the room they walk.

C.J.

So, the Four-H Convention?

TOBY

We're not going.

C.J.

I don't get it. How can you not want to see the butter cow?

TOBY

I'm that way.

C.J.

There's also a butter Elvis and a butter Last Supper, which has, I swear to God, Toby...

TOBY

Butter on the table?

C.J.

It's got butter on the table right there between butter James and butter Peter. An almost mind-blowing vortex of art and material that dares the viewers to recall Marcel Duchamp.

TOBY

How do they keep it from melting?

C.J.

How indeed.

In the other end of the passageway, when Toby gets his coffee, Nancy walks up.

NANCY

Toby, you have a phone call in the staff cabin.

TOBY

Thank you.

They walk back to the staff cabin.

C.J.

Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter.

Toby picks up the phone.

MAN

[on the phone] Mr. Ziegler, this is Signal Operator Number 41. I have a call from Mr. Seaborn in the White House.

TOBY

Thank you.

C.J.

Duchamp is the father of Dadaism.

TOBY

I know.

C.J.

The dada of Dada.

TOBY

It's like there's nothing you can do about that joke. It's coming, and you just have to stand there.

C.J.

The cow made of butter? That's how I like my irony served, my friend.

TOBY

I have a phone call waiting that's being relayed through four satellites.

C.J.

Okay. [a stare] Okay.

THE WEST WING

"THE TWO BARTLETS"

Episode 3x12

TELEPLAY BY: KEVIN FALLS AND AARON SORKIN

STORY BY: GENE SPERLING

C.J.

So, the Four-H Convention?

TOBY

We’re not going.

C.J.

I don’t get it. How can you not want to see the butter cow?

TOBY

I’m that way.

C.J.

There’s also a butter Elvis and a butter Last Supper, which has, I swear to God, Toby...

TOBY

Butter on the table?

C.J.

It’s got butter on the table right there between butter James and butter Peter. An almost mind-blowing vortex of art and material that dares the viewers to recall Marcel Duchamp.

TOBY

How do they keep it from melting?

C.J.

How indeed.

In the other end of the passageway, when Toby gets his coffee, Nancy walks up.

NANCY

Toby, you have a phone call in the staff cabin.

TOBY

Thank you.

They walk back to the staff cabin.

C.J.

Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter.

Toby picks up the phone.

MAN

[on the phone] Mr. Ziegler, this is Signal Operator Number 41. I have a call from Mr. Seaborn in the White House.

TOBY

Thank you.

C.J.

Duchamp is the father of Dadaism.

TOBY

I know.

C.J.

The dada of Dada.

TOBY

It’s like there’s nothing you can do about that joke. It’s coming, and you just have to stand there.

C.J.

The cow made of butter? That’s how I like my irony served, my friend.

TOBY

I have a phone call waiting that’s being relayed through four satellites.

The West Wing

“The Two Bartlets”

Episode 3x12

Teleplay by Kevin Falls and Aaron Sorkin

Story by Gene Sperling

The West Wing, “The Two Bartlets”

Episode 3x13

Teleplay by Kevin Falls and Aaron Sorkin

Story by Gene Sperling

C.J.

So, the Four-H Convention?

TOBY

We’re not going.

C.J.

I don’t get it. How can you not want to see the butter cow?

TOBY

I’m that way.

C.J.

There’s also a butter Elvis and a butter Last Supper, which has, I swear to God, Toby...

TOBY

Butter on the table?

C.J.

It’s got butter on the table right there between butter James and butter Peter. An almost mind-blowing vortex of art and material that dares the viewers to recall Marcel Duchamp.

TOBY

How do they keep it from melting?

C.J.

How indeed.

In the other end of the passageway, when Toby gets his coffee, Nancy walks up.

NANCY

Toby, you have a phone call in the staff cabin.

TOBY

Thank you.

They walk back to the staff cabin.

C.J.

Butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter, butter.

Toby picks up the phone.

MAN

[on the phone] Mr. Ziegler, this is Signal Operator Number 41. I have a call from Mr. Seaborn in the White House.

TOBY

Thank you.

C.J.

Duchamp is the father of Dadaism.

TOBY

I know.

C.J.

The dada of Dada.

TOBY

It’s like there’s nothing you can do about that joke. It’s coming, and you just have to stand there.

C.J.

The cow made of butter? That’s how I like my irony served, my friend.

TOBY